Here's the story:
My ex husband and I were married for 5 years. 3 years into the marriage I found out he was cheating on me through text messages. He begged me to take him back and that he would never do it again. I took him back more for the sake of our very young son (he was 2 at the the time) We even did marriage counseling. A year later I found out he was still cheating on me with the same girl. I ended it.
I have custody the majority of the time. My ex gets 2 weekends a month. I hate him but I try to keep it civil for the sake of our son and try not to talk badly about him in front of our son. It’s been 8 months since our divorce was finalized and he is getting married to his mistress.
Apparently she is pregnant so they are rushing it. Last week he calls me up about the date of the wedding (a date in October) saying he wants our son to be there. The date of the wedding is 1. A weekend I have custody 2. The day of his cousins (my sister’s son) 7th birthday party.
My son is very close his cousin and my sister has a fun party she is planning I told my ex there is now way is my son going to the wedding. He said that I was being a bitter bitch. I tell him that if he really wanted his son to be there he would have scheduled the wedding on a weekend he had custody or actually checked with me before booking the date.
I’m not changing up my schedule to accommodate a wedding to his mistress. He starts complaining about how that was the only date they could get in short notice and how he can’t change the date because of the venue and how his fiancés parents have already booked their flights to come in and it’s a small wedding and it would be weird for his son not to be there and I’m causing drama for no reason.
His mom (who I’ve remained cordial with) then calls me up and begs me to allow my son at the wedding. I say no. My family is on my side but my ex keeps having his family try and beg me to allow our son at the wedding. AITA here?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
NTA because its late notice and custody schedule etc but if the kid hears this story in a few years the takeaway could be 'mum was bitter and didn't let me see my dad get married.' still NTA but worth bearing in mind
NTA. He can go to daddy’s next wedding after this marriage ends.
Eh... I’m gonna go on the side of NTA here, since he did give barely any notice and your son (who’s about 4? 5?) will probably have a way better time at a birthday party that he’s already expecting to go to than a wedding.
You asked your son what he wanted and he said birthday party so NTA
ESH. Obviously your ex more than anyone. He's treated you pretty badly, and I'm genuinely sorry for everything you've been through, and the ongoing struggle. But no matter how many times you call this woman your ex's "mistress," she is actually going to be his wife, your son's stepmother, and the mother of his little brother or sister.
While I can absolutely understand your bitterness, your little one has to navigate this complex new set-up, and you have the power to make it easier or more difficult for him.
I know you're trying to protect him from something, but the unintentional side effect of keeping him from this wedding is that you're using him to hurt your ex-husband and his fiancee. You can't do that. As agonising as it is for you, you have to let your son be happy, even if it means blissful ignorance of the hurt you've endured.
That may come at some cost to you, especially if it means allowing your son to forge an amicable relationship with the woman your husband cheated on you with. But you need to love your son more than you hate your husband, and you can do that.
NTA strictly because it’s your weekend and you don’t have to buckle to your ex husbands short notice demands plus you mention in the comments asking your son and he wants to go to the birthday party.