'AITA for kicking my brother-in-law and his affair partner out of a family gathering?' UPDATED
"AITA for kicking my brother-in-law and his girlfriend out from the family gathering?"
Here's the original post:
My brother in law, L, had a longtime girlfriend, J, who he has a kid with. I’ve been with my husband since we were teenagers, way before J and my brother in law met, and eventually J and I became really good friends, almost sisters.
Sh!t hit the fan around 4 months ago, when J found that L was cheating with a coworker. J and him separated, J was devastated, and I grew a great distaste for L, especially after he has started dating this coworker. This was just the cherry on top, as he started being an a-hole to J around 9 months ago.
We had a Mother’s Day celebration yesterday because we all had scheduling conflicts last week, and I, of course invited J. I kinda forgot that L was in the family group chat because he doesn’t really talk, but to my surprise, this mf shows up. With his coworker. They came in through the back door. I was in my patio with J, as my niece wanted to play with the dog.
J went inside for a couple seconds, and quickly came outside, visibly upset and crying Now, in my defense, I was 3 shots of tequila in, and I was already irritated because it was super hot outside, but as soon as I came inside and saw them in my kitchen, eating my crackers, I immediately yelled,
“who let that hoe into my house”, and went into a tirade where I colorfully described their audacity, and told them both to get out of my house, and told my brother in law he is never to set a foot inside my house because he’s “unfaithful trash”.
His little girlfriend started to argue back, but was ushered outside by my BIL before I could decorate her head with nachos. BIL came in and started arguing with my husband, but my husband stood his ground and told him that he made his bed, and he could lay in it. The rest of the family was dead silent, but within 20 minutes tensions had relaxed, except for their great grandma.
She was extremely angry and demanded to speak to me, and when she did she said she understood why I said and did what I did, but she was so upset that I had kicked him out, and that I had cussed him out in front of the family, and honestly? That old lady’s disapproving look kinda stung.
He also messaged me this long paragraph about how he’s upset and that I’m a sister to him and he couldn’t believe the way I was treating him. However, the rest of his family, including my husbands parents, says that he needs to learn the hard way, and I was just the one to dish it to him.
What do you think? Is she coming down too hard on her BIL for his past transgressions?
This is what top commenters had to say about it:
canuck_2022 said:
NTA. Bad enough he came, but to bring the side piece to rub in Js face was over the top rude.
tatasz said:
NTA. People who can't keep their pants on are disgusting. If grandma wants to hang out, it's on her. The guy treated horribly his partner and his child, and now is playing the family card? Well nope.
XELA_38 said:
NTA. Here's the thing, old school ladies like his great grandma, tend to let cheaters and cheating slide. They're from that generation where it was expected of men. Where as long as he stayed with his wife and took care of his responsibilities,most would just let it go.
But that's not how things are anymore. The fact that he brought her to a mother s day celebration when he knew his ex would be there speaks of his cruelty. Did he any one ask what did he expect bring his side piece there?
[deleted] said:
NTA! You go girl! He made his bed and now got to lay in it. He got what he deserved. Just block him, tell grandma that your house your rule and take to heart that everyone else was on your side.
Mother_of_Crows said:
NTA. I laughed out loud at « decorate her head with nachos. He knew what he was doing showing up with her, he deserved to be told to get out.
And Accomplished-Cheek59 said:
NTA. This was a Mother’s Day celebration. He brought the woman he cheated with to a Mother’s Day celebration that the mother of his child was at. A celebration he knows full well he wasn’t really invited to. If that wasn’t pouring salt in the wound, I don’t know what is!
If he didn’t want to be treated like an AH, he shouldn’t have behaved like an AH. His great grandma is wrong - you did exactly the right by making it clear that his terrible behaviour was disgusting, but that you will NOT tolerate it. I admire you for that, and I guarantee that J felt loved and supported, and she deserves that after everything she’s been through. You’re a really good person OP.
Consensus: NTA.
The woman later shared this update on the situation:
I messaged BIL back and I asked him what he expected out of yesterday, and he told he wasn’t thinking nor was he planning to go, but he mentioned it to his girlfriend and she started to tell him that he a right to attend family gatherings because he was still my MIL’s son. I said okay, I can see why that’s fair, so why bring her? And he said he doesn’t know 😭
Now I’m not stupid and I’ve known this man since he was 15, so I straight up asked him were you trying to make J jealous or hurt her feelings? And he told me that essentially yes, because she has been ignoring about things not concerning their daughter, and that’s why he brought her to my house, as way to say “F you” to J.
I told him that he put himself into a position where everyone is his family is either angry, disgusted or disappointed in him. And that he had no right to bring roaches to my house. He messaged me back a half apology and how he’s been having a hard time, but honestly I was tired of him by that point.
So I messaged him back with a “you ruined your family because of your impulsiveness. wallow in your misery in silence”, then I blocked him. He called my husband around 10 minutes after, but all my husband had to say to him was to “grow up”. Boohoo 😭😭😭