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'AITA for keeping my late wife's family out of my life and away from our daughter?' UPDATED

'AITA for keeping my late wife's family out of my life and away from our daughter?' UPDATED


"AITA for respecting my late wife’s wishes about keeping her family out?"

My wife unfortunately passed away last year when our daughter was only 3 months old. It was very difficult to get through but my little girl and I are keeping it together. My daughter is 16 months now and there’s been pressure from my wife’s sister to let her side of the family see my daughter.

The issue is my wife had absolutely no contact with her family since she was 18, so 16 years of not seeing them. Her home life was something she never wanted to talk about. It always made her upset so I never pushed her to tell me. All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form. She left as soon as she was 18, changed her last name and never spoke to them again.

4 years ago she got into contact with her older sister and she’s the only person my wife allowed into our lives. By that I mean we met through video chat but never actually in person. We still maintained contact after my wife passed and we met a couple times before and during my wife’s funeral. My sister-in-law called me a few weeks ago.

She mentioned her parents would really like to meet their granddaughter and want to start over. They didn’t attend my wife’s funeral because they knew she wouldn’t want them to be there. One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever.

Telling my SIL this...well she got very upset. She said it’s been years and yes her parents were awful people (again won’t say exactly what they did) but losing their daughter has made them reflect on things. And they want to meet my daughter since my wife never gave them that chance.

She’s still trying to convince me and so far I’ve said no. Each time I just feel more and more bad for denying them but it’s what my wife wanted. Her parents found my Facebook (pretty sure SIL might’ve told them) and I’ve gotten dozens of messages begging me to let my daughter know her moms side of the family. And I shouldn’t keep her from knowing her grandparents for past mistakes.

None of them will leave me alone and SIL has said a few times that I may be grieving losing a wife but to have some empathy for them losing a child. Because right now I’m being “too heartless” for denying them the chance to meet the only piece of my wife they have left.

I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an a-hole or not. I don’t know the whole reason why my wife never wanted to see them again. Even if I did though, I’d still like to honor her wish. The way they are being however, makes it hard not to wonder if I am?

What do you think? Is he being an a-hole?

This is what top commenters had to say:

birdiepet said:

NTA. "All I know is they were manipulative and abusive in some form." The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior. "None of them will leave me alone"" I’m at my wits end with this because I’m not sure if I am being an a-hole or not." You're getting a glimpse of their manipulative tactics "One thing my wife always made clear is that she did not want them near our daughter. Ever." Honor her wish.

pugluv91 said:

NTA. Do not let them have anything to do with your daughter. The last thing you want is to allow them to have a relationship with your daughter and then after a while you see exactly why your wife didn't want anything to do with them,

because depending where you live if they have an established relationship with your daughter they can go for grandparents rights, as of right now they have no grounds. Cut the sil off to she's just giving you a taste of how toxic the rest of your wife's family are. Protect your child.

lappelduvideforever said:

Please block them. You are NTA by respecting your wife's wishes. Look up Grandparent's Rights. Depending on which state your in(if you're in the US), you could be opening the door to that. Your late wife knew best. Keep your daughter away from them. Block them all.

AMerrickanGirl said:

NTA. The fact that all of them are bombarding you with guilt trips and completely ignoring your boundaries shows you at least partially why your wife ran away from them and wanted nothing to do with them. Seems like SIL is just as bad as her parents. Maybe it’s time to block all of them.

Verdict: NTA.


Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and support. I was really worn down with this whole ordeal so all your input was so very appreciated . There was a lot of you that expressed your concerns about what my wife’s family’s intentions were and warned me about taking precautions to keep my daughter safe.

I have taken these into consideration and have made steps to ensure they have no access to any information that could disclose our location. And yes in the end I did decide it was best to cut off all contact, not only with my wife’s parents but her sister too. I tried to get through to her many times about why I’d like to to respect my wife’s call on this since she knew her family best and what they did.

Despite all the reassurance that her parents have changed she’s still refused do actually say what went down so that was not at all convincing for me. Once I blocked them all I was getting calls from different numbers the following days. I sent one final message to her sister stating they’re never allowed near me or my daughter and if they ever tried to come harass us I will get authorities involved.

Since then it was radio silence for the last couple weeks but I decided to play it safe a few days ago and changed my phone number. I’ve also deleted my Facebook since I don’t use it that often but have put my other social media accounts on private. Got many great suggestions from many of you about how to make sure they have absolutely no access to my daughter so I really appreciate that!

I’ve saved a few of these comments incase I need some extra tips in the future as my daughter gets older and starts school. Since I last posted and have cut contact I feel like I can finally breathe.

You have no idea how stressful and draining the whole thing was for me so really, thank you all for the help! I’ve been more at peace putting this all behind me and focusing on my beautiful little girl. Just wanted to leave this update since I know there was a lot of concern about how this would all play out.

Sources: Reddit
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