'AITA for stealing my SIL’s wedding thunder because of my pregnancy?' UPDATED
"AITA for stealing my SIL’s wedding thunder because of my pregnancy?"
Sorry the title is awful I know. I admit my mental state is very emotional right now so I don’t know if im being self centred or if im in the right here.
Let me try to summarise the situation:
My husband’s sister is getting married in Feb. I am on the border of my 1st/2nd trimester right now.
Currently in laws are visiting husband and I in our country.
I got hospitalised twice with a threatened miscarriage and while baby and I are thankfully okay, I’ve been put on bedrest.
MIL offered to stay with us until Feb when we would’ve travelled to their home for the wedding anyway.
She will still be there for most of a month before the wedding, she just won’t be available to do running around errands in January
So to be clear my MIL is absolutely not going to be missing the wedding OR the last last minute stuff OR the bridal shower etc. IN ANY WAY
I haven’t said yes either way but I guess she told SIL because she reached out and was like obviously I want mum at home but if you’re not well then I’m happy for her to stay with you guys and I’ll just figure out the rest of the wedding planning myself.
I guess her fiancé doesn’t agree. He’s been texting me saying that I’m being over dramatic and I’m too young to need bed rest and I’m sabotaging their wedding because I can’t be bothered to look after the child I already have and that I don’t need accommodation for the one in me.
I feel bad because my MIL has been the driving force in organising the wedding and like I guess I could just figure things out and deal with the consequences.
I don’t want to be the reason my SIL’s wedding ends up slapdash or indeed keep her parents away from her in her last month as a singleton. AITA?
What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:
goldenfingernails said:
NTA. Is this fiancée a doctor? Is he experienced with complicated pregnancies? Is he getting stuck with more planning and is complaining because MIL isn't there to handle the details? The nerve of this guy. MIL is doing this willingly so fiancée needs to step up and quit his griping.
INFO: Have you informed SIL of fBIL’s texts? If I were her, I’d like to know what kind of person I was committed to before spending time and money commemorating that commitment.
NTA! Your fBIL is way out of line, have no idea what he is talking about and is a major AH.
bluejay2913 OP responded:
I have not but yeah I think I will need to tomorrow morning.
NTA. Is this fiancée a doctor? Is he experienced with complicated pregnancies? Is he getting stuck with more planning and is complaining because MIL isn't there to handle the details? The nerve of this guy. MIL is doing this willingly so fiancée needs to step up and quit his griping.
bluejay2913 OP responded:
He’s not a Dr no. I don’t know how much planning he’d have to do. Basically his parents work and have made it clear they don’t want to do the running around, so my MIL has been doing all the errands from venue stuff to wedding car hire etc.
I’d be texting SIL to get her groom in f^%&*g check. Neither have any right to your medical info and neither have any say over you at all. Their wedding isn’t your fucking problem - growing that baby safely is your only concern. Why isn’t your husband dealing with this? He needs to shut that jackass BIL up now.
bluejay2913 OP responded:
Husband doesn’t know yet and neither does SIL.
It's less than 2 months until the wedding. They shouldn't have much left to do. If they haven't mailed invitations, booked the venue, hired the necessary contractors, picked the cake, etc, they dropped the ball anyway. All that should be left is fittings and showers/ parties. If MIL will be there for last minute stuff, they aren't missing out on anything.
bluejay2913 OP responded:
So I finished the invitations this week while I was in hospital and sent out the links to the wedding website. Venue is done but catering and decor not finalised. Cake is kinda sorted I think. I was meant to be organising the shower so um. I need to figure that out.
tonedbumblebee said:
NTA. You need bed rest and could lose your child. If I were the bride, I would have doubts as to whether I really wanted to marry the guy
bluejay2913 OP responded:
Yeah maybe. It’s kinda weird to me that he’s texting me at all. Like sure he’s originally a family friend but we don’t have a text relationship at all. I don’t think we really have had direct conversations ever
kimpitzer said:
NTA you've been put on bed rest and the groom thinks you can take care of your existing child? I'm going to take wild guess and say he's not familiar with dealing with kids. I know my 6 year old would DESTROY the house if I'm stuck in bed. If your SIL is ok with your MIL being there I would block the groom and ignore what he says.
1968phantom said:
NTA, not even close. Have you shared the text messages with your husband and or MIL. Is SIL aware of the message. This sort of behaviour thrives in the dark and shrinks in the light. I'd be surprised if MIL would be very happy to hear from this sort of behaviour from the fiance
Playful-Ad5623 said:
You aren't seriously asking this are you? Let me make it clear for you... a medical emergency that is out of your control does not ever make you the a-hole. Nothing more needs to be said on this.
She later shared this semi-update:
Showed husband the messages when he woke up. He was…displeased I guess you could say? He took my phone and showed his mum. She came into my room and looked mad too but she was very apologetic and said she was going to take care of “this.” I think they’re going to talk to my SIL when the timezone permits, so we’ll see what happens then?