'AITA for making my sister cry and leave the restaurant during her birthday dinner?'
AITA for making my sister cry and leave the restaurant during her birthday dinner?
I (35 F) invited my mom, brother, sister who we'll call Jackie (32 F), and other sister who we'll call Sammy (25 F ) to a nice dinner. It's Sammy's birthday tomorrow and I wanted to celebrate her special day. Sammy and I are very close (or so I thought) and I love her so much.
Last night we having a grand old time, when Sammy made an odd comment that didn't sit well with me. My brother asked me if I remembered something from when I was 2 or 3 years old, and my sister chimed in "she doesn't even remember her dad let alone where she lived." I let that comment go.
For reference, my mom and dad met when I was about 7 and were married for about 20 years before separating. Jackie was 4 when they met. Mom and dad had 3 kids while they were together, including Sammy and brother. Now my dad is my dad and my brothers and sisters are just that, I don't see them any different.
Back to the dinner, Sammy later made this other comment that truly hurt me " You know what I just realized my daughter is my dad's first grandchild, I mean biological of course, and I just think about how I started a new generation in our family." I have three boys who are all OLDER than my niece.
My brother stepped in and said "You didn't just realize that Sammy, because you have mentioned that to me three times already!"
I tried to let that comment go too, but I was and am still very hurt by it. Like I'm not good enough and my boys are nonexistent to her. I spoke up and said that was a very hurtful comment and I didn't appreciate it. Sammy started crying, pushed her birthday cheesecake to the side, and walked out of the restaurant.
AITA for saying something during the dinner that caused her to get upset and perhaps I should have talked to her in private instead? Maybe I'm overreacting, I mean what she said wasn't a lie. I just never knew she viewed me in a way that meant I wasn't her big sister.
Edit:
There is no big inheritance or money from my dad or motive, at least that I know of. My dad is not really close any of us, but I guess at out of the 5 kids he is closest to Sammy. I haven't talked to him as this just happened last night and I'm still very upset. I don't want my emotions to get the best of me.
I also don't know if he shares the same sentiment as Sammy, and if that's the case I just don't know how I would react. Sammy has not reached out and I just saw that she blocked me on social media.
Do you think she did anything wrong? Here's what top commenters had to say:
QueenMother81 said:
Nope.. Sammy is an AH. She is letting you know that while you are the oldest, her Dad is not your father. She has probably always felt this way. I’m wondering if your mom spoke up at all. What she said was so ignorant. Sounds like she has been speaking like this. Does she other Jackie too?
Wild_Debt_8065 said:
She’s jealous of you and her comments and reactions are the proof. She’s sad.
BlueGreen_1956 said:
NTA Sammy is a drama queen. She dished out comments meant to upset you and when you smacked her back with one, she turned on those crocodile tears. Those tears served two purposes: Get her attention and make her look like a victim. I would keep my eye on Sammy from now on. She's toxic.
CrazyFanGeek said:
NTA. My oldest is my daughter in every way but blood, she even has my bloody mannerisms. We also have 2 other children, and if any of them treated their sister like Sammy treated you, me and their father would have teared them a new arsehole.
Piavirtue said:
NTA. Just because it her “special special birthday day’ does not give this, presumably adult woman, the right to insult and hurt you and your sons. Good that your brother helped shut her down.
It is people like her who cause so much discord and pain in families, not just blended families. I one read Miss Manners where an adult woman who had been adopted as an infant and considered herself the oldest child had to watch her mother’ tell her little girl she could not be in a family portrait because it was for blood grandchildren only.
Do we think those were "crocodile tears"? And do you agree with this unanimous NTA verdict? I mean c'mon, who among us hasn't cried on our birthday!?