Here's the original post:
To preface this I just wanted to let it be known that yes, I know I overdo it with the camera system a bit. I have a ring doorbell, along with mini cameras in the living room, kitchen, and mine and my husbands bedroom. He knows about all the cameras. Let me make that clear. He knows they are there, and he is okay with it.
You see, about three years before we got together (have been together for five years now) I was at my apartment living by myself. Long story short someone broke in, I tried to fight back and got the $h!t beat out of me and had all of my prized possessions stolen.
I was in the hospital for a few days, the guy was never caught, and ever since I have had a lot of anxiety hence the cameras now. I am in therapy and have been for two years now and I am doing better. The cameras are a security blanket and my therapist thinks they are fine as they help me feel better without being intrusive.
Anyway, onto what happened. My husband and I are staunchly child free and his mother hates that. She brought it up for years and we told her no every time. I thought she finally given up on the idea, but I guess not.
My husband and I were at works when I get a notification from Ring on my phone. My MIL was at our house and she had a spare key (I didn't give her one, that's for sure) to get in. She was supposed to be gone in another state visiting her sister so I was confused and decided to check the inside cameras later.
I get home before husband so I sit down and check the living room video to see she went towards the back rooms. I pull up the bedroom camera and find her snooping through our stuff. Important to note: we used to use condoms and BC pills, but then I switch to IUD. We still use condoms. The switch was recent so I still had my old BC pills in my nightstand.
I see her shuffle around in my nightstand and pull out my BC pill case and leave the bedroom with them. I go and check and they are in the nightstand again so she took them and returned them afterwards. I check the living room footage again and after going to my room she goes to the kitchen.
Kitchen footage shows her taking the BC pills and PUTTING THEM IN THE MICROWAVE. She heated them up for about two minutes then put them back where they belong. I was so furious because to me it seems like she was tampering with my BC in an attempt to get me pregnant. I'm shocked she didn't pull out a pin and start poking holes in the condoms too!!!!
When husband gets home I show him the footage with all the timestamps. He was reasonably upset too so I told him I want to speak to a lawyer and maybe the cops for breaking an entering because we never gave her a key and idk how she got a copy.
Husband was with me until that. Then he flipped on me and told me I'm being dramatic, I don't even use BC pills anymore so who cares, and accused me of trying to isolate him from his mom. He called me a b!tch, packed his bag and then went to go stay with his friend. It's been three days and he hasn't been back yet.
What the F do I do? Do I confront MIL? Do I ignore husband and go to the lawyer/police still anyway? This feels batsh!t, idk why he's so mad at me when SHES the one potentially committing crimes here!!
TLDR: MIL entered house without permission (with a key that my husband and I did NOT give her) and she tampered with my BC pills. Husband was upset at her but the minute I told him I want to get lawyers and police involved, he flipped on me. Called me a bitch, said I'm trying to isolate him from his mom and went to stay with a friend. He hasn't been back in 3 days. wtf do I do?
I suspect he is the reason she has a key and that’s part of his extreme reaction. He knows that will come out if there is police involvement. There is no reason to accept that treatment and I would be thinking very hard about my relationship (and pressing charges!)
NTA. Get a lawyer, press charges. However, this could be the end of your marriage. F'ing creepy that she broke into your house and did that. Imagine what else she's done that you don't know about.
He was so quick to say you were isolating him.....gee I wonder where he got that from. Mommy dearest? Based on his insane reaction, screw it and get a lawyer and file a report and I'd invite her over for a viewing of the tape.
Your SO not wanting his mum to be criminally charged is understandable, however the WAY he reacted is totally out of line. Also like another commenter said, he may have given her the key/duplicate and trying to cover it up as it would most likely emerge from a police investigation.
He may not want to be childless or could have been playing both sides by providing the key while knowing get plan wouldn't work. This way he gets to be the good guy while avoiding conflict with his mother. Consult a divorce lawyer and get everything ready (include the video evidence etc), you don't have to file but just ensure your exit strategy is solid.
i'm going to try to keep this short. there isn't any good news. tried calling my husband for another day before i finally gave up and called his friends to see who he was staying with. finally one told me he was staying with his mother.
I called MIL's landline and luckily he answered. i told him we had to talk face to face otherwise i'll just go through with a divorce. he comes by, confesses he was staying with his mom and didn't tell me because he knew i'd be mad.
after some pushing he admitted to making a copy of his key and giving his mom one. he confessed to wanting kids. i asked about why his dating profile way back when said child free, why he put up a united front of no children with me for YEARS only to suddenly change his mind.
he said it was because he saw how lonely his mom is and agrees now that we need kids to liven up holidays, to give her something to do, etc. (as in, his sole reason now for having kids were for his mother. not his own. not a change of heart.
just because his mom wanted grandbabies) he insisted though that he didn't realize his mom would go this far, which i believe because if they were plotting then he would have told her i was no longer on BC and tampering with it would do nothing. he would have also told her not to break in because of the cameras.
i packed his sh!t in a trash bag and kicked him out, told him to go back to mommy and that my divorce lawyer will be in contact soon. at that point i hadn't changed the locks. i wasn't sure of the legality of it and didn't want to do something that could potentially hurt my chances in court. besides, i didn't think MIL would show up again because she had her baby boy.
turns out i was wrong. she showed up later knocking and i pretended to not be home, as my car was in the garage and she couldn't see it. she knocked for 15 minutes and i debated calling the police but before i could she entered the property with her key.
i was furious and not going to lie, it gave me a flashback to my attack and i had a panic attack. i was inconsolable and crying, i ended up locking myself in the bathroom. she called me a soul crusher, heartless, and a sh!tty wife (along with some other colorful insults) before finally leaving.
it took like five hours to calm down. after that i called my brother. he's staying with me now, he's changed the locks, and he's helped me with contacting a lawyer and starting the divorce.
husband has been doing damage control and got to all friends and fam before i could and spun a bullsh!t lie that i was trying to isolate him from his mother, that i'm making false police reports, etc. sucks to say a majority believe him (because he was their friends first before me) but i was able to talk to a few and tell them my side of the story.
and that's where i am. about to be divorced, honestly scared and upset, and am now doing 2 therapy sessions a week to try to work on all the progress that had been lost when soon to be ex-MIL broke in again.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, thank god for therapy.