Here's the original post:
My girlfriend came over to my apartment today to study and do some homework as she still is in university. When she arrived and started to unpack, she noticed her laptop wasn’t in her bag and being the good boyfriend I am, I told her to not worry and that I will drive over to her house and grab it. I really wish I hadn’t.
My gf still lives at home and I am really close to her parents. Both of us are. In fact I see them as my own. Reason being, my parents are toxic and it’s best to go no contact with them for my own sanity. Her father on the other hand is a positive male role Model in my life, great job, positive attitude and always gives good advice imo. He’s a great guy, not much else to say.
I think highly of her mother as well, caring, loving and always supportive of my relationship with her daughter. They both love me and its the reason why today shocked me to the core.
I have a key to their house and as I entered (living room is first room upon entry) I see my future MIL and some stranger... fully nude, not hiding anything. As soon as they saw me my MIL started panicking and both ran into the back of the house away from me. I heard my MIL cursing over and over.
As soon as I realized what was happening I just backed out of the living room and stood on the front porch. I honestly didn’t know what to do. It didn’t feel like my place to confront them as it’s not my fight, so after about 5 minutes, I reentered to see the stranger walk past me out of the door, followed shortly by my MIL.
As he left she looked to me and started crying. She broke down and tried explaining the situation away. How their marriage had been suffering and how she loves FIL but feels so unsatisfied. She begged me not to say anything, that it was a mistake and it would nuke the family. She was hysterical.
I just sorta looked at her. What was I suppose to say? The begging wouldn’t stop, she even grabbed onto my shirt. She wanted me to not say anything and let it be swept under the rug. I told her flat out that I’m not lying to save herself. She then begged to be the one to tell FIL, to at least give her that.
So in the interest of getting the hell out of there I just said “sure” and went to retrieve what I was there for. I then went immediately home. I haven’t told my gf yet as she’s still working on assignments but I plan on telling her afterwards. I’m sad. It’s devastating knowing that the comfortable family I found and felt finally apart of, is about to be nuked into the sun.
I can’t imagine how my FIL is going to take this, he’s a good guy and definitely doesn’t deserve getting his heart broken like this. I’m also sad for what my girlfriend is about to hear and what will come of it. It’s such a huge shitty situation that I wish I never had any part of. My poor gf and FIL.
My man, you need to tell your girl what you saw asap. Incase your MIL throws some accusations on you, trust me when I say that this you need to say something NOW
She is not going to tell him. She is making up stories about you cheating and how bad you are for their daughter. Then when you tell your side and what you saw, they won’t believe you.
Tell your GF and tell your FIL exactly what you saw and what she said. I feel so bad for your GF and her dad, and obviously for you since you were out in such a horrible position. Btw that wasn’t a mistake that was a choice she made to bang someone else in the home her husband and daughter live in. There’s absolutely no excuse.
Update on the original post I wrote last night. A lot has happened.
So I told my gf everything I saw when she finished her homework. She was devastated and crying like I have never seen before.
We talked for a good few hours, where she disclosed to me that her mom had cheated on her father once before when she was just a child. The affair partner was a boss from her work and had gone on for a few years by that point. She only knew about it later down the line because a family member told her.
After I settled her down I could tell her sadness turned to anger. Around 2 in the morning she insisted we go confront her mom and tell her father everything. I tried talking her out of it and to do this on another day and at a better time but she doubled down saying her mother doesn’t deserve peace.
So we ended up at her parents house early in the morning. They were just settling into bed. The look on my MIL face was obvious she knew what was coming. It was messed up. I have never seen my girlfriend scream and cuss someone out so hard. Every single possible insult was used. My gf told her mother that she’s going no contact for good.
When things calmed down her father was clearly baffled and had a lot of questions. I told him everything. What I saw, what I was doing, why I was there and what MIL said to me. I could tell I just sank this poor man’s heart. His eyes filled up with tears but he just remained silent. I guess she hadn’t told him, which I knew was the plan all along. Typical cheaters.
After another 20-30mins of cussing, screaming and crying, I was able to get my gf and I to leave. I felt so bad for her and FIL. I felt responsible for destroying a (what I thought was) beautiful family. I mean I don’t regret at all spilling the beans, but I just wish I wasn’t at the center of it all. I don’t want to break the people who I love, hearts. Feels like a nightmare and reality was just turned upside down.
When we got home I got a text from FIL saying thanks for being honest and transparent with him. He said he loves me and that we will get through this. He’s a great guy. I just can’t believe that POS woman did this to him. After a night of little, to practically no sleep, I got out of bed this morning and made some breakfast for my girl. We talked and I think she handling better now but still not great.
I invited FIL over if he wanted a place to stay or just to lay low for a while. He surprisingly took me up on the offer and came over shortly after. Gf, FIL and I had a pretty lengthy conversation on how he felt and what the next steps are. He looked disoriented but managed to handle himself well, given all that has happened. It’s clear he’s deeply in love with MIL. He kept saying he wants to try and fix it.
Gf and I both think that’s a bad idea. He told us that the person MIL originally cheated on him with, was the same guy she was having sex with. It had been over a decade since she was first caught and must of keep this man in the shadows. I can’t believe he’s willing to work through this knowing that. I couldn’t at all.
My gf later asked where her mom was. Apparently she left in the middle of the night after we left. No one knows where she’s at. I wouldn’t be that surprised if she was at her AP’s house. Honestly I’m sick to my stomach over it all. I feel like I destroyed a family. The people who I really care about are broken and hurt. It really sucks. I hate it all and wish people would just be decent human beings.
The MIL destroyed that family NOT YOU! You did them a favor by telling the truth on that sneaky rat!
You didn't destroy it the MIL did by cheating
MIL destroyed her own family after first being caught by continuing on to have her affair in the shadows.
She destroyed her own family, but given the fact that there is now a witness to it you even though your father-in-law wants to reconcile now that he has support he’s just a grieving mode right now I hope and pray he doesn’t, and he takes her for everything and you know what he takes that AP for everything as well because he could sue him for breaking up a home.
Tell your FIL you can't fix something as long the part are broken. So until he fixed himself, with the help of a professional, he shouldn't rush to fix the relationship. Advice him to see a therapist and contact a lawyer for how how a divorce would go.