"Overheard my in-laws expressing their true feelings about me."

I (24F) recently attended my MIL birthday party. I spent 6 hours making her cake. There were about 25 guests, and after everyone had lunch, I went to the kitchen and did all the dishes. My FIL took a photo of me and sent it to a group with people I don't know with the caption. "There is a first for everything."

I walked out to his whole family, talking about me behind my back. I spoke with my husband (28M), and he said that they are just trying to support him because they feel I don't do enough chores at home. He said they dealt with it in the wrong way, but they had the best intentions. We have been together for 5 years, and we have a 3 year old.

His grandparents called me to drop some warm clothes off for our son the next week, and when I walked into their home, I heard my FIL talking to his dad. He said, "When she wanted to leave, I thought it's best she just f*ck off." His father then responded,

"But what about their son" to which my FIL responded "She's the type of woman to take the child but she also the type of woman to palm him off to other people so (my husband) would get him back soon enough."

How do I navigate this? I don't want to stay in a relationship with a family that is toxic. He has spoken with his family multiple times over the years about how they treat me, but nothing changes.

Edit: I've been told to add to the post that I work 3 jobs to support us, so I'm home a lot less than him and have a lot less spare time. Also, something I missed was that the birthday party was not hosted by me. It was at their house. I was a guest and had no obligation to do dishes. I definitely do fewer chores than he does due to my work schedule.

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

Just_Getting_By_1 said:

I would refuse to go back or host them. And even if your wimpy husband actually got them to behave why would you spend your valuable free time who think so poorly of you. They need a time out until they truly change their behavior and attitude.

DodgeABall said:

Sounds like your husband is probably complaining about you to them behind your back. Why would they think you don’t do enough chores at home otherwise? Ask your husband if he’s been doing that & ask him to stop. The damage has already been done, but maybe things could get better.

At one point I overheard my MIL tell my husband that she thought he should never have married me. At that point we had one kid and another on the way, so it really hurt. My husband was being kind of nasty to me during that time period, and it eventually came out that he was complaining about me to her and she, in turn, was poisoning him against me.

We ended up having a long conversation where I told him it needed to stop or I was done, and he did change. I went LC with MIL for a stretch, too, which also helped.

Glittering_Sharky said:

You tell your in-laws to their faces to eff off and they'll never see your child ever again. You tell your husband to grow a spine and stand up for his wife or he can eff off too.

ku_78 said:

Lean into it. Every time you have to interact with them, join in on the shit talking. “Hey y’all! The useless bitch is here. So as I left the house to today, I noticed how messy it is and said to myself, ‘Wow, I really suck.’ So anyway, how you doing?” Just totally start messing with them. It will get you nowhere, but it will really make them feel uncomfortable.

TipsyBaker_ said:

Who cares that they feel you don't do enough chores. Why are they even thinking about it to have an opinion? This is all coming from your husband first, OP. He's been bitching about you to them and now that it's blowing up to this extent he can't be bothered to stop it.

Stop taking the abuse. Tell them all to go to hell, openly and loudly. Let husband know he can either man up and come with you or he can eff right off too.

She later shared this update:

I had a conversation with him this morning about his family having supervised visits with our son, and he wasn't happy. He thinks I'm punishing his whole family for something a few of his family members did. I was super upset with the lack of support, again, and decided he was never going to make me or my feelings his priority and thought it best to leave.

Everything in the house belongs to me, but his parents paid our rent yesterday to help him without me knowing, so now I have to move out. He doesn't think it's healthy living in a house with someone he's trying to "get over" so I'm currently trying to figure out how to save for another rental with first months rent and a deposit which is just under $1000 USD.

It's not small money for me, and I don't have savings since everything I make/made goes into the home. I know there will be a lot of drama soon with his family since I've made this decision, and if anyone is interested, I will provide updates.