"BIL's (36M) husband (38M) makes me (24F) feel uncomfortable and I don't know how to tell my husband (30M) without them thinking I'm a bigot."

This man (38M) has known me (24F) since I started dating my husband (30M) a few years ago, so you can imagine that we shared a lot of moments and I consider him my family. But lately he's been treating me like I'm the new girlfriend who's been dating his brother-in-law for a week, if you know what I mean.

I gave birth ten weeks ago and I still feel tired and every time I say that out loud when he's around he tells me I'm overreacting, that it's been two months and that I have to stop taking advantage of the situation to use my husband.

He is the one who takes care of everything in our house, he does the laundry, cooks, cleans, and some nights he takes care of our daughter, but he does it because he wants to because more than once I wanted to do those things and he told me that I should rest or things like that.

The other day was my husband's birthday and I decided to bake a cake and prepare a special dinner to receive his family, and of course he had something to say about that. He started making fun of me saying that it was time for me to get my ass off the couch to do something productive.

And he doesn't say those things when my husband is around, he says them when we are alone, and I try to ignore him because I don't want problems but I can't do that anymore.

Yesterday he sent me an article about intimacy after giving birth and how many times husbands cheat on their wives because they are tired and don't want to hook up, and said something like I should pay attention and not let my marriage be ruined by "my laziness".

And the truth is that my husband and I slept together again a few days ago but that's not something that I want to tell everyone, but he assumed that because I'm too tired to do certain things or because my husband decided to take care of me and do everything I don't satisfy him.

I swear I can't stand him anymore, I don't know why he changed or why he suddenly treats me like trash but I've had enough and I want to tell my husband but I don't know how.

I know I sound like a fool for not knowing how to communicate with my husband but in the past this man has had problems with my other BIL's wife because he accused her of being bigoted and intolerant, and since then everyone took his side and hated her since then and I don't want that.

I honestly don't care if he's gay or whatever he wants to be, I just want him to leave me alone, because I have been struggling a lot with guilt for letting my husband do everything and listening to the things he says hurt me because they make me feel like I'm being a burden on my husband and that he will soon get tired of me.

My fear of being accused of being a bigot has to do with the fact that I come from a religious family and I'm sure that if I say something about him everyone will take it the wrong way. so how can I face this? Confronting this man is not an option because he is not a peaceful person and I don't want him to yell at me or accuse me of things that I'm not, so what can I do?

How can I talk about this with my husband or my BIL (I honestly don't know if he knows how his husband is treating me so I thought it would be a good idea to talk to him too)?

What do you think she should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

Srsly_I_Want_Waffles said:

Hey BIL are you ready to say that again.. in front of my husband? No? Then shut your pie hole because our life is none of your business. You really need to tell your husband what BIL is saying, hun. There's no need to carry this all on your own.

HHIOTF said:

Tell your husband everything. This man is stepping way over the line. Also, tell him to butt out of your life. You don't need his advice. If you keep letting it slide you are teaching him that it is ok to say and do those things.

And etakknow said:

Ask your husband if it’s ok that he’s doing most of the works in your house because your BIL’s husband has a different idea. Tell him, he keeps telling you that you’re taking advantage of him.

A month later, she shared this update:

After posting I decided to take the advice of one of the people who commented on the original post and left my phone near my husband with the chat open for him to see.

He saw the chat and asked me since when did I let his BIL send me those kind of things, I told him that I never let him and he simply started giving me "advice" without me asking for it, and I told him everything and fortunately he believed me and said that he would talk to his brother about his husband's behavior.

That same day he called his brother and they had a long talk and of course his husband was hysterical and told him a bunch of lies about me. According to him, ever since my daughter was born, I haven't stopped "bragging" about motherhood because I know that he can't have children, that I always tried to make him feel less for being a man and things like that that are not true.

Of course the majority of the family believed him because they know that I come from a very religious family and they believe that that's why I'm capable of doing those things that he accused me of.

They always believe everything he says because he and my husband's brother have been a couple since high school and suffered a lot of bullying, and they are constantly trying to protect them from it, even if you are not bigoted.

I would like to say that he hates me and thus justify him but he was always like that. A while ago he had a fight with his other brother's wife and also accused her of being intolerant. They had a fight because he told her children that they should like boys because girls aren't as fun, and things like that.

Then she told him not to tell them that, that everyone will decide if they like girls or boys in the future and he got offended and he accused her of being a bigot because according to him she would not have said that if he had told her children that they should like girls. When he accused her of that, the whole family turned their backs on her and no one talks to her.

And now they're doing the same thing to me and as much as I try not to care I just can't. I have known his family since I was a teenager and I considered them family. I don't understand why they do this to me when I need them most.

And the worst part is that my husband has been acting weird since then and treats me differently like he is avoiding me. and it terrifies me to think that maybe he will end up believing him. That's it, there's nothing more to say.