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'My family wants me to break up with my GF after how she reacted to my brother's prank. AITA?' UPDATED

'My family wants me to break up with my GF after how she reacted to my brother's prank. AITA?' UPDATED


"My [M27] family wants me to break up with my girlfriend [F22] after how she responded to my brother's [M22] prank"

Here's the original post:

I have been dating my girlfriend, Lola for about two years now, and overall things have been great. My brother Ian has always been pretty weird whenever she comes up or is around. Ian and I are very close, talking to each other daily, but the conversation will usually change gears right as I start talking about anything Lola related.

I thought maybe he was jealous of the time I was spending with her or maybe a little crush on her. Still, whenever we'd get together, he'd make comments about our age gap, poke fun at me for simping, and joke about her sleep disorder.

Ian's always enjoyed a good prank, either pranking or being pranked, he loves to laugh and I genuinely believe that when he goes to prank people, he means it in a way to share the laughter.

When he's tried to pull little pranks on Lola though, he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder, like making sudden loud sounds, jumping out to scare her, and one time I caught him before he was going to do the shaving cream sleep bit while she was taking a nap in the guest room.

I warned him in more detail then that he shouldn't mess with her while she's sleeping, as interrupting her regulated cycles isn't good for her, and AT THE ABSOLUTE BEST she's the WORST kind of cranky when she's woken up. Ian looked like he understood and I thought that was that.

I threw a NYE party a few days ago and invited Ian and a bunch of mine and Lola's friends. Everyone was having a good time, my watch went off with the alarm that we set up for Lola to take a nap, she went off with a sleepy smile, I kept partying.

A while later we all heard a scream, followed soon after by cussing and something breaking. I panicked as it was from my room where Lola was and I ran through nearly kicking the door down to find she shoved someone down and was yelling at them. I looked to see who it was and saw a spider mask that I unfortunately recognized as Ian's from years ago.

I saw him scrambling to get away, but she only stopped when three of her friends pushed past me to pull her up and check her before she ultimately passed out in their arms.

Ian scrambled off the floor and ripped the mask off, revealing the work she'd managed to do in the time it took us to react. He started bawling telling me that she was insane and abusive, that he only wanted to make sure she wasn't going to sleep through the ball drop.

At this point everyone started yelling. Ian looked terrified and kept repeating that she was crazy and that I shouldn't be with someone who could do this to her bf's brother. Some of my guys were yelling that if she did it to him she could do it to me. All of her friends were screaming about how he should know to leave a sleeping girl alone and how it was creepy.

Ian ended up calling our mom to tell him that Lola hurt him and she's furious, Lola's friends ended up carrying her out against my protests, and my friends were nearly split down the middle. I remember standing there while everyone argued while the ball dropped, my mother calling me for the tenth time, and Lola finally texting me that she needs space to think.

Since then we've lightly texted, she's expressed that she can't shake her fear of what happened, but she still hasn't told me from her side WHAT happened. Ian and my mom are trying to convince me to break up with her, and chastising me for not helping or standing up for my brother when he was being assaulted, also demanding an apology for not playing my part as an older brother.

Ian has facetimed a few other family members and now my aunt, who paid for both our colleges and the house my mom and brother live in and helped me get my apartment, is taking the three hour drive up to make sure her boys are okay, which is stressing me out even more.

On one hand, i know family is family and I should do what I can to stand up for the people who helped raise me and become the person I am. On the other hand, Lola is my girlfriend, I adore her, I love her, I feel like I should be there to protect her. I don't want to push her boundaries but not talking to her is a different kind of hurt.

Ian is convinced that he was doing a well intentioned prank and was wrongfully punished for wanting to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves. I don't know if i believe that, but I've known Ian for 22 years, growing up we were inseparable. I don't want to doubt him just because love may be blinding me. How do I approach the situation with Lola?

How can I convince my family that Lola isn't a threat, she's honestly the most sweet and caring person, she just can't be woken up and part of me feels like she was pushed to that point.

What do you think about this unhinged situation? This is what top commenters had to say:

TheBookishFoodie said:

You don’t actually need any advice because if Lola has even an ounce of sense, she’s your ex. Since this seems to have escaped your notice, your brother is either the biggest a-hole or in need of a good diagnosis. Or both. I wish Lola all the best in life. May the idiots be far from her and may she never have a bad hair day.

Dont139 said:

You do realize that your brother knew full well the extent of her sleep impediment, knew she had triggers, and used them against her? Once you have explained to him why he can't do that, and he keeps doing it, how can you defend him and try to act like "he didn't have malicious intents"?

Of course he did. Or he just didn't care about anything other than to see her scared, not matter how it would scare and scar her. He is a jerk through and through. You should already be dumped really. You found your brother in your gf's room, her fighting him off, and you didn't even stand up for her.

IndigoHG said:

>he does things that he figured out triggers her disorder. Please break up with her, so she doesn't have to suffer knowing her boyfriend will throw her to the wolves because her terror is "funny".

practicallyperfectuk said:

Ask yourself this….. If it was any other guy and not your brother creeping in to your bedroom wearing a mask whilst your girlfriend was asleep what would you have done? Your brother is so in the wrong here I would be pressing charges

Verdict: YTA. Case closed!

But wait, there's more! Two days after his original post, he shared this update:

In short, while a lot of you advised I wait for Lola to tell me her side before I confront my family, they all came over to my apartment yesterday morning while I was writing out a list of questions for them. I was supposed to go over the night before but i texted them saying I needed time and if we could meet later today, but they obviously didn't like that and showed up unannounced.

The fighting started almost immediately and I initially was thrown off by them being there, but I matched energy and started yelling back at them for their predatory and enabling behavior of Ian and how I couldn't believe they'd side with him over this, golden rainbow baby aside.

My aunt got in my face about disrespect, while my mom cried and brother cussed me out, but I pointed at my computer and yelled back at them that if they genuinely believed Lola was the problem, then they were victim blaming idiots that I wanted nothing more to do with.

My mom kept crying but I got my aunt's attention with the computer and she got close to look at the screen (i was going through comments to write up all the questions) and after a minute she turned back to us, really my brother, and said "what is this?"

I explained reddit and that I'd posted for help, Ian then stopped comforting mom and pushed past me to get to the computer, asking what right I had sharing family business on the internet. My aunt stopped him and asked, "Why didn't you tell us you were alone with her? You never told me she was sleeping."

To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. Like a switch my mom almost immediately stopped loudly crying and looked over at my aunt confused. Ian started shaking his head and reiterating his version of the story, which, listening to it, was infuriatingly off.

I'd figured out that not only did he tell mom and our extended family a version of the story in which Lola was all too violent with him when "he jumped from behind a door to give her a little spook" but he left out the details that put him in any bad light. I started yelling again, calling him a liar, but he started crying and called me a liar who was just trying to lie for my girlfriend.

At the sight of my brother crying my mom pleaded with us to stop, my aunt scrolling more on the screen. It felt like both a minute and forever that we were yelling in each other's faces about how the night went, how I felt he always used his tears to get his way, him yelling at me about how ungrateful I always was, etc.

My mom kept fussing with my aunt and another uncle on the phone crying over the drama while I texted a friend of mine who lives across the city if I could stay with him. I was feeling overwhelmed with all of them and didn't want to be within a few minutes of the source of the problem. I also wanted to give myself space to think and understand with a clear head.

I'm typing this between breaks of me packing. My aunt saw me in my room doing this, but she didn't stop me, she only asked me if I'd spoken to Lola about this, and I told her I haven't yet, but i had plans to later on. She told me she was sorry for believing my brother without listening to any other account and that she hopes Lola is okay.

So then it was just me in the apartment. My mom left with my brother, still crying, my brother calling me an a-hole, the world's worst brother, and my aunt gave me a hug, apologizing again for how she and her sister acted, and told me that I don't owe her anything, but that she'd like to know that Lola's okay.

With everyone gone, I went to my friends house and i'll be there until further notice. He couldn't make it to the party but he heard about it from multiple people.

As far as Lola, yes I did meet with her yesterday. As excited as I was to see her, I know that most of you were telling me she was going to break up with me so I'd been preparing for that. Whether I ended up single or not, I wanted to make sure she was okay above all. I know i don't deserve her as a girlfriend, and i'd much rather she not be with me if it meant she was safe.

She brought a friend with her and we all sat and talked. I showed them both the reddit post and Lola has asked that I not share any more information about her until she feels ready herself. She's on reddit for gaming and general scrolling fairly often and let me know that if she came across this story without me having told her, she would've been pissed.

In short, she did break up with me, and when I told her that she could press charges, her friend laughed and told me that they were more than aware. She thanks everyone for their concern and told me she really hopes we both learn from this. (This section was approved by her).

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