"My fiancées grandma (75F) made a wild accusation against me (27M). Considering removing her from our wedding guest list?"

This last weekend we had my fiancées family visit and it was an overall disaster. I have known her family since 2015. We recently bought a house and had an old college roommate move in to help out since we have spare bedrooms.

My fiancée and her sister had a small argument over her sisters behavior. They made up and I assumed everything was fine (I was in the bathroom during the argument). With everything settled, we planned to go to dinner. My roommate and I drove her grandparents and my fiancée drove with the remainder of the family.

We split like this because we are the only two who know the parking lot (my fiancée and i). When Her grandma was silent the entire drive. When we arrived to dinner, her grandma started glaring at all of us. She eventually refused to order and went to sit outside the restaurant. We assumed she wasn’t feeling well and went back to the hotel or was still upset about the argument.

The following day, she refused to come to a family dinner I was preparing for all week. We figured she was still upset. We were annoyed by the rudeness and blatant disregard for all the work we put in, but we still had fun. She ended up staying at the hotel the remainder of the trip. The rest of her family continued to visit with us and the trip ended on a happy note.

The next day, I noticed that her grandma blocked my entire family on Facebook. We spoke to my future MIL and got the “real story”. Apparently on the way to dinner, her grandma thought that our roommate and I are “getting too friendly“. She is somehow convinced that I’m going to leave my fiancée for our roommate, steal our house, and have my family help.

My fiancée was shocked to the point of being speechless. When she was sitting outside the restaurant, she was near storming back in and accusing us in front of the entire restaurant. She has not spoken to us since and is apparently acting like everything us normal now that she’s home. My fiancées family have all been apologizing and assuring us that none of them them that is what’s happening.

I guess what really upsets me is the lack of care for the planning I put into the dinner and that she thinks that lowly of me. I’ve never done anything to suggest those are my intentions and have been nothing but excellent to her granddaughter.

What also upsets me is my grandma was so excited to see her grandma. My grandma is not doing well health wise and we don’t know now much longer she’ll be around. The disappointment in my grandmas face hurt me knowing she wouldn’t be able to visit with somebody she hasn’t seen in years. My fiancée and i have talked and do not believe we’ve done anything wrong.

We’re currently holding her wedding invitation (I still really care for her other family members) until we get some kind of apology. If it were up to me, I’d cut all ties but am willing to get over that for a day if my fiancée really wants her grandmother there. She’s never been anything but kind to me, so this sudden shift is shocking.

TL;DR Fiancees grandma said I’m cheating on their granddaughter with no evidence

What do you think he should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

jamicam said:

Maybe she is beginning to suffer some cognitive issues? If she hasn't behaved like this in the past, then don't cut her off just because of one incident. Your fiancee should speak to her parents about any concerns and figure out together what needs to be done, if anything. Do not push her to cut ties with grandmother.

manbearb0ar said:

OP, I know you’ve said your mil is having her “screened” at her next follow up. She needs a psychiatrist or a neurologist or both. A dramatic shift in behavior coupled with the fear and anger you’re describing here is a classic and common sign of Alzheimer’s that fits with her age range. I am so sorry you’re going through this, and I know it’s incredibly hurtful.

I know it’s difficult, but I would suggest dropping it (aside from advocating for her medical care). The real and devastating effects of Alzheimer’s on the brain essentially mean she is no longer herself in those moments. It is not the person you know doing those things. Have someone assigned as a grandma minder at the wedding to keep her behavior in check and remove her if she is beginning to have an outburst. Best of luck.

Novel-Ad-3457 said:

Whilst we’re at it I think grandma should be screened for depression(psychotic?). Not uncommon in elders. Hopefully by clinician with some longitudinal knowledge of her. Good luck.

And Anonymoosehead123 said:

Really sounds like the beginning of dementia.

Two weeks later, he shared this update on the situation:

Hey all. So I made this post two weeks ago about my fiancés grandma accusing me of wanting to cheat on my future wife with our roommate. Since then, things have developed quite rapidly.

She finally called my fiancée last night. The call lasted all of 3 minutes and was lots of awkward silence and “This wasn’t meant to hurt you (my fiancée not me)“ and “I’m still afraid for you”. The call ended and my fiancée didn‘t change her feelings on this situation.

Not being satisfied, my fiancée called her back the following morning and explained she didn’t like how the call went. Her grandma burst into a fit and called our roommate “a dog that needs to move out”. My fiancée was also told to “protect your home and evict her”. I was offended by “You are expecting too much of him (me). You work nights and leave those two home alone. He is no saint“.

She cited a previous relationship between my fiancés aunt and a man. They were engaged and he cheated on her. This aunt has said several times this situation is nowhere near alike and that I am not like that man. Her grandma has doubled down on her theories and has not apologized.

She is also convinced I’m the one that removed her from the guest list. I have voiced my opinion but have left the ultimate final choice up to my fiancée who seems pretty set on her not being invited. I know a lot of replies mentioned dementia, but based on what my future MIL has said this has happened before. I’m wondering if she’s just expecting to get away with it because she always has.

With all of these recent developments, would it be bad to leave her off the guest list? I’m worried it will cause a fight or she will say something and ruin our big day.

TL;Dr Fiancess grandma has doubled down on her insane theories and we think not inviting her to our wedding may be best