Here's the story:
Growing up my family was kind of a mess. My parents hated each other but stayed together for the kids. My paternal grandmother hated my mom and as a result never got close to me or my siblings. My father had zero spine with his mother and never stood up to her.
My grandmother has a daughter but she wasn't "pretty enough" She has another son but she doesn't talk to him because he sided with his dad during their marital issues, so my father is her golden child, and his second wife "Maria" is the daughter she wanted.
My grandmother has been trying to destroy the family by telling my dad that we are using him for money, that we don't care about his happiness or we would accept Maria, and she claims we bully Maria and when Maria cried at Thanksgiving because we wouldn't let her help cook, my grandmother told my dad that he needed to "take a stand" and stop talking to us.
Anyway I recently found out that my grandmother gave some heirloom jewelry to Maria. This jewelry was always passed down to the daughter's in the family. I have a sister and my oldest brother has a daughter, so there are three girls in the immediate family who my grandmother is just ignoring.
I found this out through Instagram and I was stunned. These are pieces that go back three generations at least and as the oldest girl in my generation, at least some of them were meant to be for me. I called my dad and demanded an answer.
He said my grandmother just wanted to show Maria how much she loves her and views her like a daughter. I asked why he didn't stop her and he said it was her jewelry and since he is her son it is still being kept in the family. He then confessed that he feels that we are ungrateful and if we loved him more we would try to like Maria.
I said since I'm not family apparently, I won't be coming to Christmas. I told my siblings and they all agreed except my sister who is mad at my mom for totally unrelated stuff and has been buddying up to Maria for revenge. We are all boycotting Christmas at his house this year.
Maria texted me that I am being entitled and hurting my dad, and my sister says I'm being dumb and our grandmother isn't obligated to love us, which I think is pretty sad. I do feel somewhat bad because I love my dad, he was a good father, and under different circumstance I would want to spend Christmas with him.
YTA. While your grandmother doesn’t sound like the nicest person, she hasn’t actually done anything wrong, nor has your dad or poor Maria, who it sounds like you do very much bully for no particular reason. Your grandmother can gift her jewelry to whoever she likes, and as far as you know you might have gotten some too if you didn’t throw a little fit about it.
Your father has no obligation to intervene in your grandmother’s decisions about what gifts she wants to give. You all sound like pretty hideous people but in this particular situation you’re the a$$h@le.
This entire family sounds exhausting. So much infighting and squabbles and jealousy. It doesn't sound like anyone likes each other - well, except for OP's dad and Maria.
OP's grandmother sounds like a real piece of work, but I'm not 100% sure OP is a reliable narrator. Her grandmother's jewelery is hers to distribute as she sees fit, and OP is being very entitled and demanding.
ESH, but you are the one that asked for a judgement so.... Your grandmother inherited the jewelry. It is hers. She can give it to whoever she wants to. The fact that it has been kept to blood relatives up to this point has no real bearing on who she can choose to give it to now. It is really none of your concern.
If you want to boycott the family celebration because you don't like any of them, that's fine, but call it what it is.
YTA. You aren't close to your grandma, but still feel entitled to something of hers? She gave it to the person she wanted it to belong to, that she thinks will care for it. And I feel I must point out, throwing a tantrum over jewelry, when your grandma is saying y'all are money grubbers sort of lends to her point.
ESH. This sounds like a really, really dysfunctional family group. Heirloom jewellery is the property of the person who holds it and they can pass it onto whoever they choose to. It was not your property, so while it's understandable to be upset that you didn't get it, deciding to boycott a family event or cut people out of your life because of it is kind of childish.
You all sound pretty terrible so ESH/YTA. Your grandmother does sound pretty horrid. Does sound like you are horrible to you dad's wife. You're now punishing your Dad for something he didn't have a say in.
None of that stuff was every rightfully yours, never take inheritance of any kind as a given, it's not how it works. You're acting like little kids all smug with your apparent boycott. They will probably have a better Christmas without the drama you bring.