'AITA for donating my daughter's college fund instead of giving it to my step-daughter?' UPDATED
"AITA for donating my daughters college fund instead of giving it to my step daughter to help buy a house?"
Here's the original post:
So I have a 16 year old daughter that passed away in a car accident October 19th. I’ve been collecting a college fund for her since she was young, my ex husband and I both put money into it as well as she put some of her paychecks from work into it, and it’s about $25,000 full.
I recently got remarried to a man who has a 30 year old daughter. My step daughter doesn’t like me, because I’m only 3 years older than her, my husband is significantly older than I am.
My daughter was very passionate about the environment, and my ex husband and I discussed what we would do with the college fund. My husband says it was my daughter and I can do what I feel is right to honor her.
We decided to divide it and we would each donate to charities we felt would make our daughter proud. My step daughter however thinks we should split it evenly and she should get some cushion for buying a house, since I’m married to her father and that makes my contribution his money too.
She thinks donating essentially $13000 wouldn’t mean anything to a big charity and I could help someone I know in real life. My husband has since joined her side and thinks $13000 would help her buy a house and we can honor my daughter in another way. AITA for not wanting to change my plans?
Should she give some of the money to her step-daughter? Or stick with her plan to donate it?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
[deleted] said:
NTA. What a greedy young woman your stepdaughter is! That wouldn't be "honoring your daughter", really, as it has nothing to do with her. Stick to your guns.
Virulencer said:
NTA. She is not entitled to your daughters college fund. I'm actually appalled that should would even ask for it. More so that her father has taken her side. I'm astounded that people like this actually exist.
snarky24 said:
NTA. Your stepdaughter and husband are being really ugly here. They are not at all entitled to money you, your ex-husband, and your daughter put into a college fund. Their disrespect for your choice in how to honor your daughter and obvious money-grubbing is making my stomach turn here.
wreck-it-ryan6 said:
NTA. I would burn that money before giving a penny to that entitled 30 year old. I’m not sure why she evens knows about the money or thinks she has any say in how it’s spent.
meeper_meeps said:
Imagine being so selfish that you make your stepmother take her dead daughter's money to help buy her a house. NTA.
Well, a lot has happened since her original post. The woman later posted this significant update:
I left my husband. He told me I couldn’t do what I wanted with the college fund. I took my name off the account so my ex husband was the only owner in the case that my (soon to be ex) husband tried to claim that money in our divorce.
My daughters father and I went for a trip to my daughters favorite town, we went to her favorite spot and spread her ashes. I’ve been staying with my sister, and looking for apartments to move into. As far as the fund, we have discussed starting a scholarship, or paying a students tuition. We haven’t decided exactly what to do. That’s about it
Commenters are responding to this update:
jeffsang said:
I'm so sorry to hear that after losing your daughter so tragically, that your marriage has ended as well. But probably for the best if he was unable to support you on this. I hope the future brings you better fortune.
[deleted] said:
I am just so in love with the fact that you and your ex husband can come together in a time like this. I am so sorry for your loss and I truly hope that whatever you and your ex husband choose to do with the money brings each of you peace and helps your daughter rest. Sending good vibes your way and keeping you in my thoughts.
Suedeltica said:
I think a scholarship or tuition support is a beautiful way to honor your daughter. I’m so sorry your soon-to-be ex decided to be absolutely hideous about this.
International-Aside said:
I guess its better to know how your soon-to-be ex is now rather than devote any more time to him but it sucks it came to this. I wish you luck and strength with your future endeavors, and last but not least, sorry for the loss of your daughter.