'AITA for pretending to be straight to get an inheritance from my grandparents?' UPDATED

"AITA for pretending to be straight to get an inheritance?"

Here's the original post:

Background: So my grandpa worked pretty high up in the state government and earned a lot. He’s not a billionaire or anything but he is quite well off, enough to leave high 6 figures for everyone in the family (that’s 3 children and 6 grandchildren).

As for me, I’m 26 and have been gay and out since I was in middle school. My parents and brother have always been very supportive. It never really came up around my extended family cuz I don’t date much and we’re not super close, so the topic was never raised. I wasn’t even 100% they knew, but i guess it’s pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain.

My grandma died several years back and my grandpa remarried. The new wife is nice enough, but she’s a born again Christian and she forced him to convert before they got married. He seems to buy in completely now, even though he was never religious at all before that.

My family and I went to visit my grandfather over Labor Day. While we were there the topic of his will came up, and our of the blue he goes “we have something we’ve been meaning to say to you OP.” They proceed to inform me that because of my “lifestyle choices” and “choosing homosexuality” they opted not to include me in the will.

I was pretty shocked, and so were my parents and younger brother. To their credit my parents started to try to defend me, but I interrupted them and basically went “this seems like a good time to bring up something I’VE been meaning to talk about.” Basically I said I had been reconsidering my “lifestyle” for a while and that maybe this was the kick in the pants I needed to make a real change.

I said that obviously I wanted the inheritance, but more importantly it was a sign that I needed to rethink my lifestyle. My grandpa seemed surprised but pleased. My immediate family was incredibly confused and we left pretty much immediately.

In the car home I clarified that this was a bunch of BS and I thought grandpa was an asshole but I’ll be damned if I’ll lose out on my share of near a million dollars. I only see my extended family maybe twice a year so it shouldn’t be hard to just update them on “my new lifestyle” for a couple years till my grandpa dies.

Both my parents and younger brother had reservations, but my brother especially thought it was “insane” that I would sell out my identity and spout toxic BS. He said he thought it was an awful idea and that I should have more self respect and that it was essentially a disservice to gays everywhere to act like this.

At first I blew it off but I’ve been thinking and I’m not so sure. Am I really selling other gay people down the river for some money? Am I just being a greedy asshole, or is this a fair reaction to getting written out by my (newly) homophobic grandpa?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say:

stressrelief375 said:

NTA. Get that cheddar, donate some to at risk LGBT youth or something.

poodle_kitten said:

NTA. You have not set gay rights back a hundred years by going back into the closet around your bigoted grandfather. Get your inheritance, donate some of it to gay rights organizations, and live your best wealthy gay life.

drphil66 said:

NTA it’s your character to sell. Your grandpa sucks and you deserve his money as much as any of the other grandkids. Just know that when the truth comes out you’re going to lose some family.

jadakissed143 said:

NTA. Screw homophobes. Get you some money, baby boo.

kjimbro said:

NTA. Your straight brother doesn’t get to decide what is or isn’t a “disservice to gays.” We have been hiding our identities to survive throughout human history. Brother needs to zip it and recognize that he is way out of his zone here.

[deleted] said:

NTA find you a beard for the rare occasion you're around them and walk away with that sweet, sweet cash.

goddamn_usa_treasure said:

I am totally down with you getting paid and with lying to your phobe grandparents, but bear in mind three things:

1.) sometimes people can take a surprisingly long time to die. Especially mean people.

2.) you don't mention if you're already partnered up or if you intend to be at some point while your grandfather is alive -- but that partner's feelings are a big consideration here, probably the biggest consideration as to whether this is an ethical thing to do or not.

3.) Lots of people know about this lie, and that makes this way less durable. Good luck, but don't plan on getting that money.

Verdict: NTA.

He later shared this update:

I talked to my parents and brother again today. My parents said as long as they don’t have to get caught up in a big lie, they’re fine just avoiding the topic, and my brother said the same thing. I told them I don’t expect them to tell elaborate lies, just say “idk what he’s up to” if anyone asks, but frankly I don’t think anyone will.

The topic of dating or being gay has never once come up, so I doubt that it will come up much in the future. The family just really isn’t close at all and avoids talking about anything controversial, so here’s hoping that stays true.

My brother has calmed down, I think he was just freaked out by what happened but he seems okay with it now. I don’t think he was thinking about extra inheritance—i trust him and my parents. I don’t wanna get a fake GF or make up fake stories or anything, so if it ends up being a huge to-do I might just give up the ruse.

I have to confess that I’ve definitely thought about this kind of scenario before. I’ve known I potentially had a big inheritance and the will was discussed in the family when he remarried (apparently she’s independently wealthy so they’re keeping their money separate). I didn’t think he’d LITERALLY write me out of the will—or tell me that he did??— but I did imagine what I’d say if I needed to play straight.

So, i guess I got to play out my weird anxious fantasy in real life. Tbh I feel kind of proud for actually kind of pulling it off? We’ll have to see in the long run but I’m hoping my immediate reaction was unexpected and convincing enough to have it not be much of an issue going forward.