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'AITA for firing my sister after finding out she spilled my secrets in her blog?' UPDATED

'AITA for firing my sister after finding out she spilled my secrets in her blog?' UPDATED


"AITA for firing my sister after seeing her blog and not rehiring her without an apology?"

Here's the original post:

Basically what happened is I read my sister's blog. It was sent to me by a friend of mine who was asking if one of the “characters” was me. Spoiler alert, it was me. It's a couple year's old and really popular. She doesn’t use our family’s real names but they are very similar and use the same first letter. So think real names: Katy, Julia, Marissa and Brad then the fake names being: Kathy, June, Marnie and Bob.

It’s descriptive enough of our lives and what we do for work that my friend identified me from it. It's mostly about her and her life but there is still a lot about us. A year ago I had an abortion. It was during the lowest point in my life so far and only she and my husband knew about it. She swore to me that she would take the secret to her grave. Yeah, she dedicated a whole entry to it.

A couple months ago she and her husband got laid off due to world events. I run my own business that wasn’t really affected and I offered her a job there to help her out. She’s not qualified in my field so I essentially made up a position for her so she could have a steady paycheck. She basically does data entry and other random tasks online from her home.

Her blog since then has basically centred on how much she hates it. She called it demeaning work and says a bunch of B.S. about how I obviously don’t respect her intelligence. I say this is B.S. because 1. She would need years of training to work any of the open positions 2. I told her what she would do when I offered it and she gushed about how grateful she was and that I was really helping her.

I called her and told her what I had read and how hurt I was. Her defence is that the blog is her online diary where she vents and that I should know not to take any of it personally. She actually had the gall to tell me that she is hurt that I read it! Apparently the right thing to do was ignore it??

I told her off for telling the internet my secrets and dragging me online where I could be, AND WAS, found by people who know me. She just said she did all her due-diligence by changing the names and it wasn’t her fault my friend found it.

We argued for a bit, it got increasingly heated, and I fired her. I told her that if she couldn’t apologize or see how she was wrong here, then she wasn’t who I thought she is and she could find a job where she felt more respected.

It’s been a week and I haven’t spoken to her at all. Her husband has been contacting me on her behalf trying to get her job back as they need the money. He claims she is sorry but I think if she was, then she could tell me herself. My own husband is telling me I am overreacting and that she’s family and I should just forget it. I don’t agree. Am I the a-hole here?

TLDR: Sister drags me and reveals my secrets on her blog and I fire her, AITA?

Do you think she overreacted by firing her sister? This is what top commenters had to say:

SSTrihan said:

NTA. A blog isn't a diary; it's on the internet, where it can be read by anyone with the URL. She clearly didn't change details enough to make the people unidentifiable because someone did identify you, and even if she had she doesn't get to post about your own personal events without your consent and then be surprised you're not happy about that.

At the end of the day, to employ her you have to trust her, and she's shown you that you can't do that. She's also being incredibly ungrateful for the opportunity when people would kill to have a job that readily available right now, so frankly she's lying in the bed she made.

She also can't really expect an apology to be taken seriously if she delivers it by proxy. If she's truly sorry, she needs to come to you herself and say that.

rleaky said:

Nta... i am a teacher and I teach my students one rule for employerabilty.... never trash talk those who pay your wage. You learnt an important lesson never mix business and personal.

Alert-Potato said:

NTA - she took your secret to the internet instead of the grave and constantly bitches about her job. A diary, if intended to be private, isn’t posted online for the whole world to read. For her to claim it was private is some next level delusion. If it’s so awful, why the fuck does she want it back.

Frankly, even if she really is sorry, would you put up with any other employee bitching how much working for you sucks online? Or would you fire their ass?

no_objections_here said:

If it's just for her to vent, then why couldnt she have made it private? There are loads of options for that. Or, you know, keep a journal or something. Badmouthing your company online is a pretty good reason to fire someone. NTA.

spenc327 said:

NTA - if she wanted a diary, she should have done it on paper not online for the world to see. She may have changed the names, but to air your incredibly personal history like that is very rude. Plus talking crap about a job that you went out of your way to create for her is a slap in the face. She needs to make a sincere apology.

Verdict: NTA.

After reading the comments, shared this update:

After reading a lot of the response I have become more and more sickened by this situation. I sent my sister an email detailing how much damage this is doing to me emotionally and could do to me financially and professionally. In the email I am asking her to delete all entries in her blog that include private details about me, my business or our family.

I am giving her an ultimatum. She can do as I asked, delete the entries, and I will consider it water under the bridge. We can move on with our lives and try to repair our relationship.

OR: She can continue to ignore me, keep her blog, and can consider me out of her life. We can see each other at family events and keep things civil but I will no longer share my life with her. She wont be an aunt to my future children or a real sister to me. I'll update if and when she responds.

As promised, she followed up with this second update:

She replied to my email asking me to facetime her tomorrow. She wants to talk to me after we both have had the night to cool down. I agree with her as I am pretty heated right now. Will update after our talk. Thank you everyone for the support, has really opened my eyes to the gravity of the situation.

And then, after speaking with her sister, she shared this final update:

I talked to my sister early this morning. We had a really productive conversation! I won’t go into too much detail since it was a long and emotional call.

The reason she had not reached out during the week we weren’t talking was a bit surprising. It turns out her husband knew about the blog but had never read it at her request.

After our blow up he wanted to see what had made me so upset. She allowed him to read some of the entries and he ended up siding with me. There was also some information on him and his family that he was upset about so they were having a separate fight about that.

I guess my email to her put into perspective to her how much damage her blog and the information she shared there could affect others. She showed me over the videochat that she actually deleted the whole thing.

She told me that the blogging started out as a place to vent, but when it got more popular people started emailing her asking for updates on certain “characters” (ie her family) and she started seeing hundreds of comments. She became obsessed with it basically.

She apologized for sharing my secrets and for being ungrateful about the job. She claims that she was exaggerating in the blog to get more views and likes and I can see that.

Our relationship is damaged but not beyond repair. She is not coming back to work for me, instead I am just sending them a small amount of money to help cover their rent. It not as much as she was making but I really do love her and I still want to help her. Once one of them gets a job they will get back on their feet. This way they at least have less stress.

Once things start to reopen in our area she promised to set up a regular therapy appointment where she can vent all she wants and get actual advice. As well as help for what she described as a “blogging addiction”.

I want to thank everyone for the comments. Some of them were harsh and some of them were crazy but it helped a lot to figure out how I actually felt about the situation.

Honest and open communication FTW!

Sources: Reddit
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