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'AITA for kicking out my parents for never telling me about my half-sister?' UPDATED

'AITA for kicking out my parents for never telling me about my half-sister?' UPDATED


"AITA for kicking out my parents for never telling me about my half-sister?"

Here's the original post:

So let me clarify I'm writing this out of confusion. I (28) love my parents they've always been great to me, loved me and supported me. They've been staying with me and my wife since we had a baby to help out and if I'm being honest it has been a great help having them around.

Yesterday my dad asked me to get the mail from his place after work so he can pay his bills. Well I got the mail and most of it is bills and ads but one actual letter. I didn't think anything of it and gave it to my dad. He apparently threw it out but my wife noticed it in the trash and read it (she didn't know what it was when she saw it).

She brought it to me and it was addressed to my dad as 'father' so obviously my half-sister. She's pregnant and asking for money cause its harder for her to make it and she just wants to support her baby.

I confronted my parents and yeah. She's 21ish, born from my dad's affair, he gave her money until she graduated, she's writes him letters, she's apparently not in college cause she's broke and he thinks she's stripping or doing sex work, he doesn't even know for sure. He just told me he's done supporting her and she isn't his responsibility.

We talked more about it for half an hour. My mom was quiet and my dad has never been like that. I don't even know the word for to describe how he was. It just made me so angry I made them leave right there without even taking their things back. Cause it feels like its my fault. I have a sister out there whose living like garbage while I'm out here enjoying my life?

After looking into her a bit more I talked to two cousins two hours ago and they're both divided on if I did the right thing. One cousin think I was an a-hole for making my parents leave without talking things through or even making a plan but her sister thinks I did the right thing. My wife told me she's staying out of it since she regrets reading somebody else's mail.

I just don't know myself I feel like an a-hole for making my parents leave cause I love them so much but at the same time I feel so mad over the situation.

Edit: since people are wondering if my mom knew because she was so quiet, she knew everything.

What do you think? Is he the a-hole? This is what top commenters had to say:

smokingandthinking said:

NTA for kicking them out. They have a home to go to and you need some time to calm down before any talking can take place. Take your time.

Alternative_Year_340 said:

NTA this is a really ugly side of your father to discover so late in life.

Miserable_Key_7552 said:

NTA. Reddit is such a weird place, I don’t get how people are coming up with these ESH responses. Your wife snooping through private mail isn’t exactly the best thing to be doing, but idk how that is bad compared to a man cutting his daughter out of his life for over 2 decades without telling his own son. You should come let them get their stuff, but make it clear that their actions are unforgivable.

Frequent_Ad_7669 said:

NTA something almost identical happened to me, similar age, similar way of finding out, it was a half brother. You were FAR more calm than I was.

I didn't talk to my parents for 6 months because I felt so betrayed by the lying and I couldn't believe the 2 people who raised me basically abandoned a kid. Its been 10 years and things are better but it never went back to normal. Your family lied to you and treated another person like garbage, you are so not the AH

TealHousewife said:

NTA. It sounds like what you're most hurt by is that your parents treated you well, and you saw them as good people. Now that you see how your father treated his other child (and your mother's complicity), you feel like you don't know them anymore.

It's not just the lying - it's the fact that your parents have supported you and given you advantages, while your half sister was treated like an afterthought and a dirty secret. It sounds like you also have a lot of guilt, because your parents set you up for success, while not doing the same for your half sister. I think it's completely understandable to have a lot of feelings of hurt and betrayal.

You can't make up for what happened to your half sister, but it sounds like you may want to reach out and offer her some support. I think that might be healing for you both.

I would just recommend maybe getting some therapy to process this, and also make sure you're on the same page as your wife if you do offer your sister any support to make sure you aren't spreading your emotional and financial resources too thin out of guilt that shouldn't really belong to you. You sound like a good person who is grappling with life altering information. Please try to take care of yourself.

ToPiggyback said:

NTA. I hope you get in contact with your half sister and get her side of things. Your dad is trash and he stuff should go to the curb since he has a habit of kicking his kids to the curb.

Verdict: NTA!

Five days after his original post, he shared this update:

I want to thank everyone who said go talk to my parents. That's the first thing I did, I went to their place and I tried to talk to them. But it was frustrating and my mom got angry when I said I was going to reach out to my sister. She asked why I cared and I got upset and told her because she taught me to.

My dad saw me out after that and surprised me by telling me he was proud of me for being a better man than him. That was weird. Anyway, my wife reached out to my sister Ana and she agreed to meet. We went iwth my cop friend Jo cause you never know. We met Ana in her apartment and it's in a rough side of town, it's tiny and a sh!t place to live.

Ana's a small, quiet girl who works in a library. She reminds me of my gran. She claimed she's only a waitress at a strip club to make ends meet (obviously she can't do it now). She said she's failed like her mom and the best thing she can do is have her kid succeed. She said she just wanted cash to take pregnancy classes. I gave her my number and some cash (of which she gave a lot back right away).

That night my wife asked if I could let Ana move in cause she felt heartbroken. I gave Ana the offer but she refused and said she won't take advantage of us. About a month later she phoned me crying and said there's black mold in her building and she has to go. She came to us with barely anything, just clothes, a wallet, a toothbrush and a sack of old books.

Since then she's just been sad and really alone cause she thinks she's taking advantage. She tries to help with chores a lot and always apologizes. She's only happy when she plays with our baby. But it was her birthday a few days ago and she asked if we'd get her cupcakes. It was like she expected me to say no.

But my wife went and got them and a whole DQ cake while I got her the box set of the Exapnse books. She started crying and hugged us both when she saw everything on the living room table for her. In the days since, she has seemed happier and I won't lie, I'm worried for her but I do think stability has helped her.

As for my parents, my mom refuses to come as long as she is there, so I visit her with the baby sometimes. My dad refuses to go cause he says he's ashamed. Whatever I guess. On the other hand, my wife's parents told me they are more proud of me than ever.

Sources: Reddit
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