'AITA for lying to my conservative parents about my sister being in a throuple?' UPDATED

"AITA for lying to my parents about my sister's love life?"

Here's the original post:

My parents are rich and conservative. My sister and her long term boyfriend were dating for a long time but they were resistant to getting married. My parents really wanted her to get married as quickly as possible. They offered them a down payment for a house as a wedding gift. It was a lot of money and I think they needed it. They agreed and got married about three years ago.

They moved to the city I was staying in and bought a nice house. The weird thing was that, their roommate from before also moved with them and they let a room in their house to her too. I don't know the exact details about their relationship but from what I can see, it is obvious that all three of them are involved. They have one photo of the wedding and the rest is of all three of them together.

It was none of my business but my sister and her husband seemed happy and well it is none of my business anyway. well, My mom found out about this somehow. She is furious at my sister. she thinks she is sinning and she has patricianly disowned my sister.

She is also angry with me as she knows I am close to my sister and visited her often. They had their suspicions for a long time and she had asked me vaguely about it before. I don't know why my mother was suspicious but yeah I lied and pretended that they didn't have the roommate.

My mother feels like my sister ripped them off and lied to them as she feels her marriage was a sham. She is angry with me for abetting my sister and lying to her. it was a ton of money even for them so I understand some of their anger but I have mostly been able to stay civil with my parents.

I hate lying and I actively lied to them about it. I feel like they are in the wrong her but none of us come of looking good. I also feel like technically they paid her to get married and she did but that is the kind argument my dad would use so I know I am an a$$h@le here.

ClogsAndFrogs said:

NTA for multiple reasons. 1.) It's not your news to tell, it's your sister's. 2.) You didn't even know what the actual situation was, and if you didn't feel like it was your business to ask, that's understandable!

3.) You didn't lie to them. You chose not to spread your sister's business. That's different and I'd say you were TA if you told them behind your sister's back. 4.) Your parents were going to find out eventually, whether that was by accident or by your sister telling them. Knowing they'll find out eventually, I wouldn't have told them either.

5.) You didn't even know about the third at the time of the wedding, so any argument they use about wasting their money on the wedding is null.

gedvondur said:

NTA - You need to re-frame this. It's not lying. It's not telling other people's truths without their permission.

blacksteel15 said:

NTA. There's definitely some room for debate in the ethics of them accepting money from your parents for getting married knowing that they were deceiving them about the true nature of their relationship, and also of your parents essentially trying to bribe them to get married.

However, those issues are both irrelevant to this question. It was not your job or your place to tell your parents about your sister's situation.

And dcoleski said:

The parents negotiated a wedding, not necessarily a marriage. They got it. What happens inside the relationship is beside the point. Honestly, I thought you were going to say sister and spouse broke up and kept the house.

Since her original post, she returned to share this update on the situation:

All the NTA comments helped me soothe my heart about the guilt I felt about lying to my parents. My mother said that both of us were not invited to thanksgiving anymore. okay. I finally got the opportunity to talk to my sister yesterday. All three of them were in a relationship. I told her that I was cool with it and I had know for a long time.

I asked her about the money and she told me that Dad and mom had ambushed them during a dinner and then asked them to decide before the dinner was finished. pretty messed up but typical from dad. I think they thought my sister and her boyfriend would stop sinning if they got married. My sister still sounds bitter about it.

They are planning to hold a very small marriage with all three of them and forget about the $h!tty wedding my parents paid them to have. They are planning to do it next year when they hit the 10th anniversary of their relationship.

My parents are probably going to cut me off too but at this point. I really don't need their money and that is the only thing of value they can offer. I am just happy for my sister and her partners.