Here's the original post:
She (40f) has been ignoring me (21M) for 5 months since finding out that ”Grace” is not my sister. She’s my biological mom and after finding this out my whole life’s been a mess. My “parents” pretended to be my parents because from what they told me it was better that way for everyone since Grace wasn’t ready to be a mom.
I’ve been wanting to hear her side ever since but she decided to block me. My “parents” have talked to her because Grace wants to drop this and not being this to her husband. They live in another state so they’re not close at all but she basically didn’t want this getting to her husband. I kept asking her to pls just sit down with me once to hear her side.
But she’s been silent ever since. Why I’m asking if I’m an @$$hole is because the other weekend me and my cousin had beers at his house. Me being drunk af I started crying about everything going, he asked me what’s wrong and I told him everything.
S#^t BLEW UP. Nobody, nobody in my family knew about this. He texted his mom that same night. Nxt morning I’m waking up to everyone blowing up my phone even my “parents” too. Now everybody in the family knows and they’ve even reached out to Grace on my behalf telling her if I wanna talk to her then she owes me at least that.
This whole thing couldn’t be kept a secret from her husband he knows now too because she called my “parents” crying because they had a big fight. He’s so mad he’s staying at his parents. She’s saying it’s my fault now for not letting it go. And now it seem like everything in her life is falling apart. Including my parents because everyone’s coming down on them too for lying this whole time.
I know none of that would’ve happened if it hadn’t been for me saying something. But also feel that after being the one who got lied to I was owed some answers too. AITA?
NTA: you didn't reveal "her truth" you revealed your truth. You're allowed to share what ever details about your life that you want
As someone whose biological mom pretended to be their sister well into my twenties I can assure you that you caused less of a fuss than I did. NTA but to be honest I didn’t read the whole post- I just know that feeling when the truth is right there and you just get tired of hiding other peoples problems which were never yours to be responsible for.
NTA. Even 22 years ago, this secret was a bad plan and never going to be kept forever. And, this isn't just her story or life, it is yours too.
NTA. WOW! I can't even! I am sorry that this happened to you. She knew that you found out. The least she could have done is talk to you. Anyone could see this playing out like it did. If she had done the right thing, she might have had a different outcome. This is NOT on you!
S#!t has really gotten so crazy since this post I actually needed some time to get my head right. I appreciate everyone saying this was my truth to tell an being really supportive of everything going on. I told my family to back off on Grace because even if they thought they had good intentions defending me it still wasn’t okay. My cousin also apologized too.
So the craziness that happened: Grace’s (soon gonna be ex) husband literally flew over here to talk in person. Telling me he thinks he’s my dad. He told me about what him and Grace talked about when he left. Thing is they were a couple before I was born. Broke up because he was gonna be going to college far. Then years later they met again and so on. I never knew this.
He didn’t connect the dots cause who would ? But since he learned she’s my mom and she went this far to hide it he wanted to know for sure. We both cried after doing a paternity test that came back positive. We didn’t talk for a day. After I went thru another whole ass existential crisis for days we met again.
He told me he’s sorry for not knowing because he would’ve taken responsibility of me if Grace didn’t want that. Then we both cried together again.
I finally talked with her too once this was all out. She was the one who reached me so don’t say I bullied her into it. Her truth was she wasn’t ready to be a single mom, my grandparents supported her terminating (at least they were honest about that) but she changed her mind and still didn’t tell him. She never thought she’d see him again anyways.
By the time they met and re-started their relationship it was already a few years since she gave me to my grandparents so to her there wasn’t a point for him to know anymore. Also because she knew he was gonna want custody if he knew I’m his son and she moved on from the thought of having kids. Their relationship wouldn’t have survived basically.
He’s so mad at her because he had a right to be in my life. It’s just a mess. I’m mad/hurt they kept us from knowing about this. Now she says she’s sorry. But after learning how far this lie went I can’t w any of them rn. To her or my grandparents. It’s too much. I know they keep reaching out so apologize for everything but it’s too painful.
Small bright side, me and him are talking. It was weird at first but we are getting more used to it. He’s known me since I was like 9, I know he’s a good guy. Just never thought he was my biological dad. And he really seems like he wants us to be closer than before. I can tell it hurts him too when he’s looking at me.
So for now we’re trying to go with the flow. Gonna be needing serious therapy after this. There’s so much going on in my head, but at least I’ve got something.
Oh jeeze. Growing up, there was a girl on my street whose sister sixteen years older than her had actually given birth to her. But everybody knew and she was very matter of fact about it. "My sister used to be my mom, but she decided to be my sister instead because she wasn't grown up yet" is how she explained it when we were like six. So I assume that's how her parents explained it to her.
Her parents were a little older than most, but it was also kind of cool? They retired and got to spend a lot more time with her than those of us with younger parents.
Oh man. I do not envy the journey of hurt and confusion OP is embarking on here.
Wow. I have been wondering what happened with this one. Did not expect the BIL is the dad outcome.
Honestly, did they just think the secret would stay hidden forever? What was the end game here? Especially in a world that has access to quick, easy, cheap genetic testing.