Here's the story:
So my situation is a little difficult so I thought I would confide in the good professional people of reddit. Couple days ago me and my brother we’re hanging out late night doing regular guy things drinking, watching sports, etc. We haven’t seen each other in maybe 5-6 years so naturally we started talking about life and what’s been going on the past few years.
Towards the end of our conversation we started to get to the “secrets” I mentioned something along the lines that I smoked weed for the first time and did various other substances (This was hard for me to tell because my whole life I was pretty much anti-drugs and such.) We both laughed about it saying “Just don’t let mom find out”
The joke died out after a little bit and then he just blurted out “I cheated on my wife...” At first it didn’t register until I saw his face and he was dead serious. I for one hate cheaters, but I try to do my best not to judge anyone for their actions. He begins explaining this was something that happened about 4 years ago when his wife was always busy with work.
She would travel a lot and be away for weeks at a time. He told me they were going through a tough time back then lots of arguing, not communicating, and that he felt really lonely. During this same time my brother met a girl at his local gym, started off as friends, slowly kept bonding and you guessed they slept together.
He told me this occasion only happened once and pretty much cut her off after that night because he started to feel guilty for a short while. Few months later his relationship turned for the better for him and his wife. Pretty much after his wife’s travels slowed down his whole relationship has been great.
They’ve both gotten promotions, bought a house, more family vacations. (They have a kid) He told me life has been good to him now and he’s just thankful things have finally worked out.
As stated before I hate cheaters and I’ve always felt that the person being cheated on always has the right know. I know for sure this would probably destroy their marriage and there would be a fight for the kid. My heart tells me I have to tell her because it’s the right thing to do, especially because I’ve known my brother to cheat one other time on an ex-girlfriend couple years before his current wife.
My brain tells me it’s none of my business and I should keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to see their kid go throughout that kind pain either. On one hand I betray my brother if I say something on the other hand I betray [my sister-in-law] because I know this secret and I don’t say anything. I wish he never told me, ignorance is truly bliss. So there it is, WIBTA if I said something?
TLDR: Brother Cheated on his wife years ago because he was depressed, now everything is better and he told me about it, but now I feel obligated to tell his wife because she’s a close friend. WIBTA?
YTA if you tell her now. I am usually on the side of "the cheated partner absolutely deserves to know". But here it seems to be a thing in the past, your brother has genuinely regretted it and improved his marriage. So it's better if you don't stir the pot now.
YTA - If you did this you would be doing it solely for your own sense of self-righteousness. Follow your brain. He told you in confidence, he knows it was a mistake, and he is your brother
You may think she has a right to know, but she might not want to know - you just don’t know and sometimes ignorance really is bliss. Don’t turn her life upside down for your own purposes.
YTA - no no no - drop this and back as far away as possible - they have a kid now, you’d risk destroying their marriage for their child for something that happened 4 years ago and is clearly over. No. Do not do this.
ESH- not your place to say in this situation. Urge him to come clean but as it happened four years ago sticking your nose in would be detrimental. Families are complicated and it seems like you have a good relationship, try to keep it that way
Ywbta - not your marriage, not your business.
You have no right to potentially destroy a marriage, regardless of how you feel. Plus... Its your Brother. You don't do that to family.
NTA As you said it's the right thing to do to tell your brother's wife. But this would probably destroy your relationship with your brother and maybe some other family members. Maybe talk to him about coming clean to his wife, but going over his head might not be the best solution, for you at least.
Ehhh ESH. She deserves to know, but she should hear it from him. Advise your brother to tell her himself so that they can talk about it and either work things out or not themselves, and then take it from there. If it's a thing of the past then there might be a chance for them, but only if he tells her himself.
And LordJiraiya said:
How are the top comments saying “YTA”?!? This is shocking. His wife deserves to know that he was unfaithful. It doesn’t matter if it happens one time or multiple, cheating occurred and she has a right to know. Doesn’t matter if it happened 10 years ago or yesterday, it STILL HAPPENED. People are saying that because he’s a family member and said it in confidence that it deserves to be kept secret? Fuck that. 100% NTA and I am disgusted by these top responses.