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'My sister thinks she caught me cheating with my wife's GF.' UPDATED

'My sister thinks she caught me cheating with my wife's GF.' UPDATED

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"My (M27) sister (F29) thinks she caught me cheating with my wife's (F25) girlfriend (F26). My family will not understand their relationship. How do I explain this to my family without them seeing my wife differently?"

My wife Sophie (F25) is in a poly relationship with me (M27) and her girlfriend Rachel (F26). Sophie and I have been married for 5 years and she has been in a relationship with Rachel for 6 months, with my blessing.

I met Rachel 3 months ago. Rachel and I have become close friends, besides my wife, we have a lot in common, same interests, same sense of humor. Rachel is 100% lesbian and has absolutely no desire for anything sexual with any male.

Back story: Sophie was raised christian and had to hide her sexuality. With my help, she left the church and in the process cut off her family. We moved to to my home town and got married. In a crisis in our marriage 6 months ago she confessed she almost cheated on me with Rachel, they kissed and Sophie freaked out.

That was the first time she confessed to me that she was attracted to women. After a lot of crying and talking we've decided on the poly relationship. She has been with Rachel ever since. This saved our marriage.

Today Rachel visited us, we have a pool and the girls were sunbathing topless and chatting while I was working on my laptop sitting next to them, occasionally joining the conversation. Sophie got an emergency call from work and had to leave for an hour. Rachel is very comfortable around me and we are close friends, so both of us did not think about her having to cover up.

We were talking as normal, teasing and laughing as usual. I got up to pour her a glass of rose. The moment I handed it to her my sister Emily (F29), who has the key, walk in. All she saw was her brother handing a glass of wine to a beautiful topless woman who is not his wife. My sister and the rest of my family are not aware of the relationship between Sophie and Rachel.

Emily lost it. She started yelling at me and accusing me af cheating. I did not get a chance to get a word in. But I was getting angry when she started cussing at Rachel, calling her a homewrecker. Rachel covered up and ran inside.

I dragged Emily out of my house and she didn't stop cussing and yelling. Rachel locked herself in the bathroom crying and wouldn't come out till Sophie came home to comfort her. My phone is blowing up with texts and voicemails. My parents, sister and cousins are calling me all kinds of nasty things and are accusing me of cheating.

They haven't called Sophie yet, but knowing them they soon will. I love my wife. Her relationship with Rachel saved our marriage. I love Rachel for being there for her. I don't think my family will understand the relationship between Sophie and Rachel.

tl:dr My sister thinks she caught me cheating with my wife's girlfriend. I do not want to expose their relationship, but I don't think I have a choice.

What do you think he should do? This is what top commenters had to say:

said:

Just say it’s your wife’s friend who is comfortable topless sunbathing. Your wife can agree. 🤷‍♀️ no need to out anyone. And your family needs to apologize big time

said:

I’m not judging you and your wife’s lifestyle choice but if you guys are committed to keeping this a secret for a while, you’re not doing a very good job. Rachel doesn’t sound like a bad person but you guys both put her in an uncomfortable position.

And said:

Wtf. You don’t have to out anyone. You’re wife’s “friend” was comfortable enough around you to be topless sunbathing. Your wife needs to just call them and demand an apology from your sister to Rachel. Telling them she was there topless sunbathing and simply stepped away. And get your damned key back. There are 3 of you no one in your family needs the spare key.

OP later shared this update on the situation:

My Mother called Sophie and she responded with "Mom, I know why you're calling. It is not what you think it is and we'll explain some other time. Now tell everyone to stop harassing your son, he did nothing wrong"

Rachel stayed the night in the guest bedroom. That night the three of us had a talk. Unbeknown to us, Rachel has had her own trauma with a homewrecker. Her parentss divorced and her mother was trauma dumping on her daughter. There is more but lets leave it at that. This is why Rachel was soo upset when Emily verbally attacked her.

Sophie told Rachel that she would understand if she wanted to break up now. Rachel wanted to try to fix things before throwing in the towel. The next morning at breakfast we were talking about what to do now. Sophie thought it was time to come out to my family. They have been her only family for the last 5 years.

We decided to invite my parents and sister over to have the conversation. Rachel wanted to be by Sophie's site when she came out. So in the afternoon my parents and sister came over. My dad was quiet, if you know him, that's not good. Mom was crying and Emily was cussing at me.

As soon as she say Rachel she wanted to approach her. I know my sister and how aggresive she can be so I made sure I was standing between her and Rachel at all times. Which thinking back might have send the wrong message. Emily is afraid of nothing and nobody but she also knows she can not get past me if I don't want her to.

Sophie is a godsend, she was able to get everyone to calm down, sit down and listen. She told them everything. My parents were already aware of the emotional abuse she got int he church, but not to what extent.

Sophie told them about her having to hide who she was, her sexuality. What happend at the big event, the trouble we had because of how she reacted afterwards. My suggestion for the one-sided open marriage. She took Rachel's hand and said they have been in a relationship for 6 months. I added with my blessing.

Emily started accusing Sophie of cheating and that is when I lost it. I yelt at her that this is our marriage, nobody cheated. This is the way we are happy. She doesn't have to understand it, but she has to accept it. I'm not sure Emily is convinced and on board, especially after what happened later.

I had to explain to my mother a few times that Sophie and I are not breaking up, and that Sophie is in a relationship with two people. I'm still not sure she understands, but at least she is not angry anymore. Dad asked a few questions. I had to explain that my relationship with Rachel is platonic but we are close. As soon as he cracked a corny joke I knew we were good.

Then we had to explain what happened the day before and why I was alone with Rachel who was topless sunbathing at my pool. When we came to the part where Emily walked in my mother asked her a question. Why did she walk in unannounced? We gave her a key in case of an emergency, not to casually walk in whenever she wanted.

Turned out Emily sometimes "visited" our home when we were away to "borrow" a bottle of wine. (Sophie and I have one car, if it's not in the driveway on a Saturday it usually means nobody is home). After hearing that the key went from Emily to Rachel.

tl;drTold my parents and sister about my wife's poly relationship and have them meet her girlfriend. So Dad is cracking jokes again, which means we're good. Mom is still a bit confused, but is trying to understand. Emily was still angry but she doesn't know who she is angry with.

Edit: Emily admited that what she did coming to our house was wrong. But it was not unforgivable and we forgave her. We set boundries and she will get the key back after I let her jump through some playfull hoops. She is a good sport so we will all get a laugh out of it.

I will never distance myself from my sister. She was justified in her reaction with the knowledge she had at the time. And if I ever do my wife wrong, Emily will be the one that knocks sense into me. I'm sorry for painting her in a bad light, but I was angry with her at the time of writing the posts.

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