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'WIBTA if I told my grandma to stop being so judgmental because I know her dark secret?'

'WIBTA if I told my grandma to stop being so judgmental because I know her dark secret?'


"WIBTA if I told my grandma I know her dirty little secret?"

Here's the original post:

My grandma has, by all accounts, been a very sweet lady for most of my life. She grew up in the South and can be a little judgmental, but she’s mostly been great...until recently. These days, she’s a nightmare to deal with. She’s a bigot. And she's become very critical of me and VERY condescending.

It’s gotten so bad that I can’t even walk into a room without her criticizing me (“In my day, we wouldn’t slouch like that,” or, “I NEVER would have been so disrespectful as to contradict my elders,” or, “Your generation really is the most immoral generation the world has ever seen.”)

So here’s the dilemma. A few years ago, I mentioned to my dad that I was going to take one of those Ancestry DNA tests. He pulled me aside to let me know a secret he’d only recently discovered himself - his father isn’t actually his father.

See, my grandma had been married before and had a few children through her ex, but she divorced him and started seeing my dad was the only child they shared (except not really). My dad found out, through this DNA kit, that his half-siblings are actually his full siblings.

He hasn’t brought it up with his parents, because there’s no way my Grandpa knows, and it would probably kill him to find out. It’s been 58 years, he never had a relationship with his bio dad, so he sees no reason to bring it up. And FWIW, he’s not sure my grandma even knows who my dad’s father is. But the point is - she was clearly sleeping with two men at the same time.

Here’s where I might be TA. Every time my grandma has gone off on a Righteousness Rant, I’ve actively had to bite my tongue to stop myself from calling her a hypocrite. And I mentioned to my spouse that the next time Gran starts to lecture me on immorality, I have half a mind to say “Hey, at least I didn’t cheat on Grandpa and lie about it for almost 60 years.”

To be clear, I wouldn’t do this with an audience. I wouldn’t tell my Grandpa or anyone else - I’d just pull her aside privately and let her know that she can’t keep lecturing someone who already knows which closet she hides the skeletons in.

My spouse told me that I would unequivocally be TA and said that I should just let sleeping dogs lie. And that it’s better if I just keep smiling and ignoring all of Gran’s sh!tty comments because “It’s just generational ignorance.” I disagree and think that I need to stop letting Gran’s tirades go unchecked.

Do you think he has a right to call out his grandma for her hypocrisy and tell her he knows her dark secret?

This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA, the older generations have destroyed any hope of a positive future for us. i have no remorse for their hypocritical and manipulative ways.

03throwaway03 said:

NTA. Frankly surprised so many people think you are. But I would make a recommendation. Don't outright tell her. Be all sugary sweet about it. Tell her you are going to do the DNA test and it will be cool to find out more about your family, then make some offhand joke about it sometimes bringing skeletons out of the closet where it can show people in a family line cheated.

This gives you protection if she tries to go off on family about you but also could be a subtle "shut the f*** up to her"

findingreddit said:

YWBTA - it’s your Dad’s information to share if he wishes, not your ammunition. Just don’t visit her. You’ll win no prizes by trying to hurt her back.

pendingsweet said:

YTA. You don't know the circumstances behind the conception, ergo you don't know the full secret and you could be unearthing something best left alone. Go low contact with her - at the moment you're just looking for permission to engage in a pointless tit for that that will hurt more than just Granny.

Mavakor said:

NTA. Burn that pious hypocrite to the ground

GreyIgnis said:

So my parents were abusive and hyper conservative, and my dad was a cheat, and my mom had mental issues and was a pill head. Eventually I left them, and I pretty much showed everyone what a bunch of hypocrites they were. I did this for a multitude of reasons. One, revenge. Two, because it legitimized my leaving them and going my own way.

Three, it shows others what I went through and in some ways highlights who I am as an individual. Four, it’s part of a promise that I made to myself to not walk around carrying secrets and lies with me all the time, like my family always did. So, with all that being said, I think it would behoove you to take your grandmother aside, let her know what you know,

and make her understand that should she ever utter her bigoted views again, you will enlighten everyone as the the hypocrisy that comprises her personality. People like that are so often caught up in trying to preserve their egos that they very rarely ever would do anything to tarnish their reputation. Go for it.

And Surfer_wave_dolphin said:

YTA because this absolutely will get back to your Grandpa somehow and he is innocent. Find a more mature way to deal with Grandma.

What do you think?

Sources: Reddit
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