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Dad angry after cousin refuses to accommodate daughter's vegan diet at family dinners.

Dad angry after cousin refuses to accommodate daughter's vegan diet at family dinners.


'AITA for getting upset with my cousin after he failed to accommodate my daughter at family dinners twice?'

I (50F) have a daughter (16F) who is vegan, she has been vegan for nearly a year. My cousin (51M) who we'll call 'Chad' and his wife (50F) sometimes host family dinners and invites as much family as possible, even at one point inviting my Brother-In-Law to attend these dinners when the two had never met prior.

The problem is that within the 3 dinners my daughter and I have attended since she went vegan, only the first one was there food she could eat. The last two have not had a single vegan food there.

Normally I would understand if they had trouble accommodating a vegan diet, but Chad and his wife were vegan from early 2020 to mid 2021. Meaning they should absolutely have some knowledge on how to make a vegan dish, whether that be a side or the main dish.

A couple of days ago we went to one of these dinners, and lo and behold, nothing she could eat. Last night, while calling Chad, I mentioned that he's done nothing to accommodate my daughter's diet. He said that he shouldn't have to go out of his way to buy expensive food and make something nobody else will touch.

I then pointed out that he hosts these dinners himself and invites us both, and if he is inviting us why does he not want to make sure my daughter can eat? He got upset with me, claiming I should be glad we were invited and to not 'pick at little details I don't like'. AITA?

ETA: We always bring our own food. I'm not asking for a special dish for her, but to just spare the butter and bacon grease on one vegetable-based dish so she can eat it. My daughter and I also both struggle with cooking due to disabilities.

Q&A, and comments:

Tmoran835 asks:

Are all the guests bringing things? Because then it’s less like a hosted dinner that OP makes it out to be and more of a potluck

ExpensiveEstimate296 OP said:

No I only bring food for her.

Bella2021 said:

Vegan food is a lot of work and can be expensive so I do think that YTA. You, or your daughter, need to prepare food for her to eat at the dinners. It is admirable that she wants to be vegan but you are being unreasonable for expecting everyone else to accommodate her specific dietary requirements.

ExpensiveEstimate296 OP replied:

Vegan food that tries to imitate meat dishes is usually a lot of work yes. But I've cooked for plenty of other vegans by just cooking some tofu or grilling vegetables, or making a simple pasta salad without mayonnaise.

Granted, this was before I had a spinal injury that makes my life a lot more difficult, but it's still manageable. And not ridiculously expensive.

DontBeAScaredyCunt says:

Then what’s the problem? I’m vegan and I always bring food with me or eat before I go to a social dining event. I would never expect a host to make something special just for me. It’s nice sure but I’d never expect it or ask

BaltimoreBadger23 says:

NTA: hospitality is welcoming and providing for all of your guests. That doesn't mean catering everything to the needs of that one guest, but making sure that everyone has at least something they can eat. What OPs cousin is doing isn't hospitality, it's showing off.

Sources: Reddit
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