'AITA for telling my MIL she can find her own way home and driving away?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my MIL she can find her own way home and driving away?"

I (F26) am a SAHM and I pick up my daughter after school. My husband (M35) takes her to school in the mornings on the way to his work. MIL got divorced a couple months ago and not-so-subtly complained to my husband that she was lonely, so my husband insisted that we have her over every weekend. MIL and I don’t get along.

For example, MIL has always made snide remarks about me being a teenage mom but I learned to ignore it since my husband asked me to keep the peace. When she began coming over, she would make comments about how dusty the floor was, how much laundry was in the basket, etc. – hinting that I should be doing more housework as a SAHM.

The final straw was when she commented about our daughter’s academic abilities, saying stuff about how she’s below standard academic level and blaming me for not putting in the effort to teach her. After a big argument, my husband finally agreed that only he would visit MIL at her home. MIL and I haven’t spoken to each other since. MIL’s catalytic converter got stolen yesterday and hasn’t gotten fixed yet.

My husband drove her to work this morning and asked me to pick her up. I said no. MIL works fairly close to our daughter’s school (about a 15 minute walk). In the middle of the day, my husband sends me a text saying that he convinced MIL to walk to our daughter’s school so I can pick up both of them. I arrive at my daughter's school and see MIL with daughter.

I walk up to them and tell MIL that she can find a way home, that I’m not going to give her a lift. She started to create a scene and the other parents and children were starting to stare, so I took my daughter by the hand and drove away. Husband yelled at me when he got home, saying that I embarrassed MIL in front of the other parents and left her stranded when I could have easily driven her home.

It really wouldn’t have been much work to drive her home one time and I’m regretting causing a scene at my daughter's school because her classmates and their parents might have seen it. AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Corpuscular_Ocelot wrote:

NTA. I was going to go E S H, but then I realized your husband was an adult who knocked up a teen and then let his mother treat his wife horribly for years. You said no. He heard no. He manipulated you anyway Your MIL has spent years trying to humiliate you, I'm not going to call you an AH when you finally were able to draw boundaries.

She knows full well what she was doing all those years. Your husband knows too. He just doesn't care. This has always been a husband problem.

He doesn't stand up for you and doesn't care that you said no. He still thinks you are a teen and he is the adult and therefore he can manipulate you. He would rather keep mommy happy than respect you. There is a reason older guys are with younger women and you are feeling the repercussions years later. You have matured and are better able to stand up for yourself and he just doesn't respect that.

RecommendsMalazan responded to Corpuscular_Ocelot:

To be fair, I don't see any confirmation that this guy is the daughter's biological father.

And OP jumped in:

He is the biological father, I had her when I was 19. I agreed to keep the peace with MIL because my husband always let me know that he was on my side. Obviously, he doesn't see anything wrong with my age.

Anoyu wrote:

ESH. You should have an adult conversation with your MIL about your boundaries and how you won't tolerate her demeaning you with her comments. The state of your home and your child's education is not her business and she can leave those subjects alone.

But instead you make your point by leaving her at your kids school without any way of getting home. I get it - she's a pain in the a$$, but acting like a child doesn't help the situation. Your husband knows how you feel, he knows how his mother feels and still put you in a position of having to drive her home. You all suck.

And OP responded:

This is my biggest regret about the whole situation, but my daughter is in 1st grade and I was hoping that it wouldn't be a big deal considering how young they are. In hindsight, I should have had the maturity to deal with the situation somewhere else.

Avery1929 wrote:

NTA. You have no obligation to do favors for a woman that treats you badly, family or not. You told your husband no and he disrespected your boundaries and tried to force it anyways. You weren’t the one that embarrassed her, he did by putting her in that position in the first place.

The only thing I hope is that it doesn’t start drama for your daughter at school. 3rd-4th graders will spread that drama like wildfire and she’ll be caught up right in the middle of it.

Over a year later, OP jumped on with an updae:

Sorry this update took so long, but I just signed the last of the divorce papers and wanted to share with this sub. I took the top comment's advice and tried to have a conversation with my ex-husband and his mother, but they both just yelled at me and would not listen to anything I said.

My ex-husband even went back on his agreement to not invite her over -- apparently, this was my punishment for disobeying him and embarrassing his mother. For a few months, I stayed with my best friend on the weekends, and she convinced me to divorce him. But because I was a SAHM, I needed a steady source of income. Early 2023, we started a candle making business on Etsy.

It was really rough the first few months, but we began to gain traction and I finally told my ex that I wanted a divorce after I felt financially stable. He said no, but I had already worked everything out with my lawyer. After I sent him the papers, he and his mother began harassing me and he said that he would agree to the divorce only if I gave up full custody of my daughter.

Long story short, this ended up in us going to court, and I now have full custody. My best friend is the real hero of this entire story -- she let me stay over for free throughout the proceedings and helped me care for my daughter. With the alimony and the money I made from the candle making business, I officially moved in with my best friend and began paying her rent, too.

I'm currently saving up to buy a place of my own. My daughter and I are really happy right now, and I can't believe that I didn't see how toxic my ex and his mother were for the 7 years we were married. I hope this is enough drama for the rest of my life, and thanks to all the people in my dm's who showed me how toxic my relationship was!

Here's what people had to say after the update:

sadmep wrote:

Best friend really is the MVP, glad this had a happy ending.

StAlvis wrote:

Congrats!

He was too old for you, anyway.

krispru1 wrote:

I like the way your ex thought you wouldn’t divorce him because he said no.

m-e-k wrote:

Congrats to you!!! Way to take ownership of your life!!! You are worth more than your ex and his mother ever deserved.