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'AITA for getting a makeover to mess with my BIL who teases me for looking feminine?' UPDATED 5X

'AITA for getting a makeover to mess with my BIL who teases me for looking feminine?' UPDATED 5X

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Sometimes, the only way to get someone to stop teasing you, is to heighten the joke to an uncomfortable degree.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for getting a makeover to mess with his BIL. He wrote:

"AITA for getting a makeover to mess with my BIL?"

I (20M) to put it bluntly look like a girl. Definitely a flat chested one but still. I guess I'm just unlucky in the genetics department. Most people think I'm just a tomboy but still, it gets a bit annoying people thinking I'm a girl. I'm pretty comfortable with myself now but I did use to get bullied a lot for it and can be a bit sensitive about it. My sister's (26f) husband (30m) is always making jokes about it.

I've told him to stop but he never does since its all "just jokes". I've gotten sick of it and wanted to get him back instead of being my usual timid self not saying anything. I went out of my way to get some friends and younger sister to give me a make over a little before they were to come over. Basically make me look as girly as possible.

They did a pretty good job and turns out if I'm all made up I look a lot like a younger version of my older sister. When they came over I made sure to act as girly as possible. He was visibly very uncomfortable so I was definitely winning this one. They left very early and I got a text from my sister calling me an AH for making her husband uncomfortable.

She told a few family members but most are on my side but a few think what I did was childish and in AH territory. AITA?

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

Motor_Crow4482 wrote:

NTA. BIL is obviously TA, but your sister is also TA for letting this behavior continue and even defending it. Geez. Edit: props to your younger sister, she's a real one. 👌

Very typical redditor armchair analysis: your BIL is either homophobic or has a thing for femboys lmao (or both :/ )

And OP responded:

Yeah she is a real one but she's always wanted to give me a makeover so she wins as well.

Motor_Crow4482 responded to OP's comment:

Big mood. Guys look so cute in makeup. Love that you were so down with trying it out! (Maybe add a skirt next time? Lol)

And OP responded:

I thought I looked quite cute too lol. It was a lot more fun than I thought. And yeah I was wearing a skirt for the makeover, maybe next time I will try a dress lol.

OkEast445 wrote:

NTA. Your sister didn’t seem to mind when he was making you uncomfortable. She and her husband are the AHs. This honestly sounds hilarious, wish I could’ve been a fly on the wall. My son used to have long hair when he was young and he got mistaken for a girl. He still has the longest lashes any woman would kill for lol.

OP responded:

Omg you unlocked childhood memories of old ladies always telling me my long eye lashes were a waste on a boy. I liked my eye lashes.

Background-Interview wrote:

NTA. Glad you’re feeling more confident in yourself.

And OP responded:

Yeah it was hard, especially trying not to care what others think but fortunately I worked through it and had good support.

After receiving a lot of support, OP jumped on with two quick updates.

Edit: F#$k off to anyone using Reddit Care Resources to be bigots. No one likes you.

Edit 2: Got a text from my sister that I'm a giant piece of s#$t and ruining her marriage. I don't think I will be seeing them anytime soon but just in case I'm going to try and have a proper conversation with my parents about everything and see if we can not have them in the house for a while. Since I only pay rent to live with them I don't really get a say but i hope my parents can support me.

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

Immediate_Park_3658 wrote:

I bet there's a skeleton somewhere in his closet dying to come out.

kevwelch wrote:

Tell her to grow up. It’s just a joke. Or is she worried that her husband will want the younger one? And if he says anything about it, ask him why he was so uncomfortable over a little joke. Because, he CAN take a joke, right? Could it possibly be because he found another man attractive? Is the big mack man scared he might like guys? Oh the horror!

Ask him quietly sometime what he thought about it REALLY. See how many buttons you can push before he runs away. I think it’s pretty funny. Why does it scare him so much to see somebody else doing something like that? Is he really that insecure? Yes. The answer is yes. He is really that insecure. NTA. Never stop doing this.

OP responded:

It weird to think he could just find me attractive but then that just makes him no better than a child teasing or bullying someone they have a crush on. I might keep pushing since he's been pushing me for so long.

NUT-me-SHELL wrote:

NTA. Your BIL is an ignorant AH. Shame on your sister for marrying a guy who treats her family this way.

A few weeks later, OP jumped on with a major update.

Everything has been quiet from my older sister and BIL. Me and my other sisters have been having a blast helping me explore my identity. I even went out clubbing with them dressed up and it was so fun. Ive been going by she/her since my last update and by a different name to see how it feels and its felt right, but who knows maybe I like those pronouns and might not be trans.

Either way exploring takes a while I'm learning and you can always discover more about yourself. On a less positive note my BIL and sister being quiet and not seeing them came to a quick end last night. BIL came to the house drunk mumbling things about how I ruined his marriage, calling me names and other bs. He went to the side of the house and entered through the back door that we never lock.

It was very scary in the moment. He came after me and tried to push my head into his crotch and when that didn't work he tried pulling my pants down and push me to the ground. Thankfully my sister was there to pull him off and threaten him with a kitchen knife. He left right away and we called the police and my parents who were out at the time.

My parents came straight away but police didn't show up till 2 hours later to basically just say they cant do anything and that if we want we can go to the court house for a restraining order. My parents tried calling and texting my sister to tell her what happened and why he did what he did but all she texted back was "F#$k off."

I'm very shaken up right now but I'm not going to let it get to me, my parents are going to get me a phycologist so that I can talk about this and other problems I feel and maybe also help me explore my identity a bit. I'm sorry this wasn't a more positive update than my previous one but I always appreciate the support of everyone on reddit even if there are a few AHs <3

Redditors jumped on to show OP love and express concern.

AnEmuOnAcid wrote:

I was so happy that things were going so well for you and then HOLY CRAP! That must have been terrifying! Thank goodness your sister was home. Why did the police show up so long after it happened? And why can't they do anything? That was trespassing, a$$ault and attempted rape, and there was a witness...is that normal where you are from or did they just not give a s#$t?

I'm glad you'll be getting help, and that you'll keep exploring who you are :)

Take care, this internet stranger is rooting for you <3

PS. And since the police "can't do anything" get the restraining order!

OP responded:

Thank you for the support <3. Thank god my sister was there or things would of tuned out very bad and traumatic. I'm not sure why the police took so long but all they said was that since he's part of the family is a "civil matter." I think it was a combo of not giving a s#$t and them not dealing with anything being normal.

ihavechangedalot wrote:

Oh gosh that’s so terrifying. You shouldn’t have had to go through that. I hope you continue to heal and explore who you are in a safe way. Definitely look for therapists that work in trauma and gender identity/expression. Hopefully your older sister will start to listen and is able to get away from your BIL. Take care!!!

wot-mothmoth wrote:

You just be you. My daughter is trans, but if you are just exploring and end up somewhere else in the spectrum that is cool too. What is not cool is BIL's behavior. I'm sorry you went thru that. This sounds like S#xual A$$ault. You might consider contacting RAINN for advice and support.

A month later, OP jumped on with another major update.

I just wanted to give a little update to some of the people who would like one. My BIL came to my house again to "apologize" luckily I wasn't there and my dad chased him off while calling the police. This time they actually came at an appropriate time (about 20 mins later). There was nothing they could do except advise my parents and me to get a restraining order. So that's what I did.

Right now I only have a IRO that lasts about 20 or something days or something like that and if he doesn't show up to court in those days Ill get a more permanent VRO. Other than that everything been quiet and we haven't heard from my older sister or BIL since. We do know she's safe since she's been s#$t talking the family to friends and other extended family.

I've been mainly staying in, depressed but doing okayish, seeing a therapist and been diagnosed with depression and put on medication. I honestly thought I was fine for those days after BIL tried that but it got to me more than I though like a week or 2 after.

My other sisters have really been helping me not feel alone even if its just us watching Netflix in silence on opposite ends on the couch, it makes me feel more safe.

The internet jumped on with some supportive words.

No_Fee_161 wrote:

Its good that you have your other sisters and parents by your side. I'm glad you have an amazing support system. I do hope that you'll get a permanent restraining order against your BIL, and for your older sister to finally come to her senses. I know this seems like a tough road ahead, but please know that you did nothing wrong and it's gonna be alright. All the best, OP. Take care!

You_Made_Me_Sign_Up wrote:

Your older sister is the AH. She brought a predator into your life. Being drunk and/or being questioning is not any kind of excuse for what he did. He tried to SA you, he broke into your home.

He's a monster, and she was the one who brought him into your lives. If she'd been a little more attentive, a little more loyal, acted like a big sister should than none of this would have happened. It is all her fault. I hope she realizes that eventually and grows, but I doubt it. Sorry for your loss.

statlover69 wrote:

I'm sorry you've been going through so much. You didn't deserve any of it. I'm glad you have support though, and that you've been relying on it. I hope everything gets easier soon.

Another month later, OP jumped on with another update.

My dad died from a heart attack the other day. I just had to watch my dad suffer while I couldn't do anything but cry with my sisters while our mother called an ambulance. I felt so useless and scared. Now I don't have my dad anymore. The man who I could always rely on to protect me, cuddle me when I was sad, taught me and my sisters how to fish even if we were ungrateful little s@#ts and hated fishing.

I would fish forever if it meant I could see him again. How do you even live with a big part of yourself just missing. I keep going from numb to angry and to uncontrollable ugly crying. How can he just be gone? I want my dad back. I miss him. I love him and i just want him back. Please please please please give him back. He's still got so much to do, see and enjoy.

He's still got kids to love and I still got so much more love to give him. I'm so lost now, I always went to my dad when I was lost but he's not here anymore. What do I when I'm lost now? Do I just stay lost

Redditors offered some words of support.

talktomeaboutlife wrote:

At first it's like everything has disappeared into a huge black hole; their absence fills the world so completely. Slowly, over time, things start to filter back in, little glimmers of light in the darkness, until one day the sun comes out again. Things won't ever be the same, but they will be ok.

In the meantime, think of him, talk to him, keep him with you, because he always will be. He'll always be your dad. You're not lost, because he loved you, and you loved him, and that love is your compass. It can never be lost. He gave you what you need to find your way.

Fredredphooey wrote:

I'm so very sorry. This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do.

It feels like the pain will shatter you into a million pieces so you try to hold it back-- don't do that. Let the pain and emotions wash through you like water.

Imagine your pain turn to golden light and pass from you down into the ground. This technique will help you process your emotions which are going to be very hard to deal with for a while. You may feel crazy. Time will expand and contract in weird ways. Small things will seem like mountains and getting out of bed will feel useless.

However, all of that passes pretty quickly. What takes a long time is the grief. It may be a couple years before you feel normal again. Be kind to yourself, don't make any big decisions for six months because that's the worst of it. Meditation, exercise, and sleep plus keeping a journal will helps as cheesy add they sound, they really do. Hugs.

BasisComprehensive57 wrote:

I lost my dad two years ago trying, and failing, to give him CPR after he collapsed. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. If there's anything I learned, it's this: just keep your head above water.

There are going to be days where you're angry and emotions are all over the place. What you'll feel is completely valid. Please allow yourself to grieve. Go somewhere you feel safe and private and cry. Or scream. It's been 2 years for me and there are times when I have to go in my bedroom and just be by myself for a while. I hope you have a support system to lean on.

Eight months later, OP jumped on with a final update.

I just recently discovered that i still had this account details on a phone note and reminded me to log in. Some people seemed to of wanted a bit of an update so I'll give one for those that care. My dad passed away about 7 months ago. I'm still grieving but doing a bit better after seeing a therapist and psychologist.

As for my b#$ch older sister last we heard from her was after dad died and she wanted inheritance, then cursed our mother out when realizing that he left nothing to her and everything went to our mother. Since then we haven't heard from her or seen her. What we know is that her and BIL moved across the country to live with his extended family. Good riddance.

On a more positive note, therapy has been going well. I've transitioned now and despite what has happened the last year I'm finally happy with my identity and who I am. My therapist encouraged me to talk to my GP about all this and she was very supportive, I'm now on a fast track referal to an endocrinologist.

After confiding in my GP she did some basic bloods and hormone screening, don't know why but glad she did. Aside from a bit of low iron she found that I have less than 1% ng/dl of testosterone, she's thinking some kind of androgen deficiency, maybe that's why I always looks feminine lol, but luckily that also fast tracks the referal.

So that's about it. As far as what's broadly happened over the months. Not exactly a detailed report but hope it was a decent update for you guys none the less.

Redditors were so glad to hear OP is okay after everything.

Delicious-Fox-2546 wrote:

Amazing, I just saw your story online. And I had the check and see how you were doing. And I'm glad you're doing well.

Skygriffin wrote:

Thanks for the update. I know it might feel weird to have strangers on the internet attached to your story but we really do hope you're happy and healing 💕

FishBonePendant wrote:

We’re all extremely proud of you, and glad to hear that you’re doing better. Have a great day, and every day after if we don’t hear from you.

Sources: Reddit
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