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'AITA for not attending my sister's wedding after she chose the date of my late fiancée's bday?'

'AITA for not attending my sister's wedding after she chose the date of my late fiancée's bday?'


"AITA for not attending my sister's wedding after she chose the date of my late fiancée's birthday, knowing how painful it is for me?"

Here's the original post:

Two years ago, I lost my fiancée, Emily, in a tragic accident. Her birthday has since become a somber day of reflection for me, a day to honor her memory. My family knows how painful that date is for me, especially my sister, Lucy.

Lucy and I have been close all our lives, but we've had our differences. Recently, she announced her wedding date, and to my shock, it was on Emily's birthday. When I confronted her, she claimed it was the only available date, but something in her tone made me doubt her sincerity.

I tried to talk to her, explain how painful it would be for me, but she dismissed my feelings, saying I should move on and that her wedding was more important than my 'lingering grief.' Her words cut deep, and our relationship started to fracture.

Our parents sided with Lucy, arguing that I was being selfish and that family should come first. I felt trapped, angry, and betrayed. After many sleepless nights, I decided not to attend the wedding. Instead, I spent the day at Emily's graveside, feeling a mixture of relief and guilt.

The fallout has been immense. My family is furious, branding me as selfish and immature. Friends are divided, and I'm left questioning my decision. I love my sister, but I feel she crossed a line, disregarding my feelings and our shared history. I'm at a loss, feeling like I've torn my family apart. AITA for choosing my late fiancée's memory over my sister's wedding, or did I overreact?

Here's what top commenters had to say:

gdex86 said:

NTA. First for the death of a long term romantic partner two years is a flash in the pan. The idea that you have lingering grief now, especially on the anniversary of the death, is bull. It's still going to hurt something awful and on that day it's going to be especially sensitive. You aren't being selfish you are taking care of yourself.

JewelsLeigh141 said:

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 11 yrs ago to cancer. His birthday and our anniversary are hard days, worse than the anniversary of his death, because they were special, happy days. For family to not get that makes me sad. You're NTA.

Stripedhoneybee90 said:

NTA. Your feelings are valid. Grief never leaves. Also I hate that line "Family comes first". If family came first why didn't your sister acknowledge your feelings. The family line works two ways.

theexile14 said:

It's worth noting here that OP lost her only two years ago, given when weddings are scheduled this was like within 18 months of her death...that's pretty fresh. NTA

Graphite57 said:

Funny isn't it.. your parents suggest that you were being selfish and family should come first. You however, were honouring the one who would have been your first family. NTA.. Sorry for your loss.

karmadoesntwait said:

NTA, your sister had the right right to pick any day she wanted for her wedding just as you had the right not to attend because she picked a day that is hard for you. I almost wonder if she thought thought she was going to be helping by giving you a new good memory for that day instead.

If that was her intention, it backfired spectacularly. You will always associate her wedding day with your fiancées birthday. I'm sure at some point your sister will have regrets about this choice too because her anniversary will always remind her that you missed her wedding.

Warning_Ocelot said:

I tried going to a wedding like that and spent the whole time bawling my eyes out because of my dead fiancé. You’re in the right and they will blame you if you show any grief at the wedding.

And ImpyreanSky said:

NTA at all, OP! Your feelings are valid and you have a right to your grief! There is no timeline or deadline for grief. It's different for everyone. I wouldn't be surprised, judging by what she said, if she chose the date on purpose to try and "help" you move on.

It feels too deliberate and her response of dismissing your grief just feels too much like this was on purpose and some kind of plan to make the day "less painful" for you.

If it TRULY was the only day, I feel like you would have heard about it before the big official announcement of the date. Like...if she knew, she should have sat you down separately and softly brought it to you rather than putting you down for being upset about the overlap and "oversight" on her part.

This feels SO deliberate from the information you're giving, and I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I wish you the best in life and in your journey of healing, no matter how long it takes.

Verdict: Absolutely NTA. Do you agree?

Sources: Reddit
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