'AITA for saying that my stepsister ruined our family's future?'
"AITA for saying that my stepsister ruined our family's future?"
I grew up in a big blended family where we all consider ourselves siblings and I consider my stepmom my mom. All of us kids are close except for one: my stepsister Liana [fake name]. My parents think it's just because she didn't grow up with the rest of us but that it's fine, and it's not. Yes, by the time she came to live with us, she was almost 18, but it's not because of that.
It's because she cost the rest of us our futures. See, when she came to live with us, she had been "independently" home schooled. She was said to be very smart, but testing revealed that she only had about a 9th grade education and no transferable credits. Neither our school or the public school were willing to place her above 9th grade.
Since she was only about a month from turning 18, this would mean she would be in high school until her 21st birthday and would more likely than not have to drop out anyway. The only other option was to have her get a GED. They were devastated, especially because she had an offer from family friends to get her into and through college if she did a specific program that she DID have advanced education in.
If she didn't graduate that year, they would question how bad it was and likely rescind the offer. The only other option was for her to get a GED, which would force the family friend to rescind the offer even if they still wanted to help because she could never get accepted with a GED. My parents worried over this, until someone they knew who was the admin of another private school offered to help out.
They offered to enroll her as a senior and she could spend the year "catching up". Provided they saw it in their hearts to give a donation, of course. ~100k later, she "graduated" from an accredited high school and moved on to college.
My family is just normal middle class, so paying that meant that the rest of us had to take out massive student loans, and my youngest siblings even had to switch to public school. My older brother got some help before this, but there wasn't a dime for the rest of us.
My parents justify it by saying that they had to do it because it was their job to give all of their kids as close to an equal start to their lives as possible, and this was the only option to do that for her. My mom asked why we all have strained relationships with Liana, and it finally came out that truthfully, we resent her for the huge financial load on us and the entire family that she caused.
It's been 10 years and she's never even tried to apologize or make amends, and it's grating. Now my father says that mom has fallen into a depression because "nobody loves Liana but her" and that we "weren't a family despite everything she's ever done." We are a family, just not with Liana. Are we really in the wrong?
People jumped on with all of their thoughts:
So then how did all of this happen lol? Was she not living with your family? Again, you should all be upset with your parents if you are angry. You don't need to have a relationship with Liana but she didn't donate the money, your parents did.
sarahmarie0 OP:
She grew up with her father and grandmother. My parents wanted her living with us but didn't win. There wasn't a lot of contact before then.
ExistentialistTeapot wrote:
YTA I kept waiting for the point in the story, where Liana did something terrible to you and your siblings to make you hate her. That point never came. Someone clearly did Liana very wrong by homeschooling her rather than sending her to a real school, and it’s really sad that your parents had to stump up so much money to rectify this damage.
bingewatch- wrote:
YTA. I have no idea how old you were when Liana showed up, but unless your parents gave you a detailed history of where she was and what she had been through the last 18 years, she may have had a lot more going on than you realize. You also said you’re a normal middle class family but that your youngest siblings had to switch to public school.
If they were attending private school their tuition would likely cost more over the course of their primary schooling than Liana’s did, no? It doesn’t sound like Liana asked for this, or purposely held herself back at a 9th grade level. If you love your stepmom like a mom, go talk with her like she’s your mom.
No_Victory3061 wrote:
YTA. While still wrong the people that you could have been mad at that would have gotten you sympathy is your parents. Again still misplaced and awful but they’re the ones who decided to do this. Rightfully so. 🤦🏻♀️…you all hate lina when none of it was her choice or fault. Omg.
purple-bunny97 wrote:
NTA. I can understand why you all feel the way you do. I can see how you and your siblings think that what happened with Liana was selfish. She wasn't a child that didn't understand the ramifications of things, she was 17 turning 18.
She fully knew that by your parents spending that amount money, your family would be financially burdened for a while. I think her lack of acknowledgment of the situation is why you all resent her.