'Disrespectful teen' mouths off to grandma; mom takes teen's side, says, 'so be it.'

A fed-up mother and daughter in law posted to Reddit after a family dispute that left everyone divided:

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for Taking my Disrespectful Teen's Side?'

NinaNina72 writes:

My dear daughter (15) is in a stand-off with my MIL (mother in law). DD (Dear daughter) is a member of a select choir that only has 3 concerts per year. MIL is retired, but often makes excuses for missing important events: birthdays, holidays, etc.

I used to validate these excuses when the kids were younger to soften the blow, but now that they're teens, I stopped trying to cover for her flakiness & apparent indifference toward them. My thought is they won't be as hurt if they know the situation & don't expect much from her.

OP doesn't seem to have a high opinion of her mother in law...

So, end of year concert is upon us & MIL already told DD she would come, but now, she's backing out with some excuse about needing to take care of the yard. I told MIL to tell DD herself.

I overheard DD's sarcastic response & it was something along the lines of, 'Oh, don't be sorry! Getting sticks out of your yard is far more important than my stupid concert! You stay right there & don't give me another thought. I won't bother asking you to come to my concerts at all in the future.'

!!!

Then DD hung up & turned off her phone. I'm actually relieved that DD is less hurt than just pissed off & done. Now, DH (dear husband) & MIL want DD to apologize for being disrespectful, but I won't hear of it. I believe respect goes both ways.

DD has a right to stand up for herself & if this 'last straw' incident further damages the already fragile relationship between MIL & DD, so be it. An apology would be an admission of wrongdoing & I don't believe she is in the wrong.

Is OP's clear distaste for grandma valid? And should she be encouraging her children to be sarcastic to her?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

VintageKettleofDoom rules:

NTA (Not the a-hole). Your MIL doesn't seem to value your kids' feelings. And if your husband is siding with her, he may need a reality check on how his mother is hurting his kids. Kudos to you for standing by your daughter when she stood up for herself and her emotional boundaries.

Beaufort62 asks:

What makes you think your mother in law has to go to your DDs events? You said she’s retired, does she suffer from depression, fatigue or low energy? All common for retired people. Does she have arthritis or another painful condition? Many older people don’t like admitting that they’re ill or in pain. Something tells me you wouldn’t care anyway.

OP fires back:

None of the above. She's the healthiest elderly I know, goes to yoga & aerobics several times a week & walks 3 miles a day. The real issue is, she likely got a 'better offer' & just used yardwork as an excuse.

Grandparents should act like f*c$#ing Grandparents if they don't want their grandkids to write them off when they're feeble & can't get out anymore. That's where she's headed at this rate, because they're tired of the excuses too. I can totally see 'why don't the grandkids ever visit me' turning into me saying, 'I guess they have something, anything, better to do.'

HappySummerBreeze thinks:

The biggest issue is your husband taking his mother’a side.

OP:

Agreed. I may not have been clear about how this has been dealt with in the past. DH & I have addressed this issue with MIL before & expressed our disappointment without getting the kids mixed up in it. Now that they're older, I've decided to make her tell them she's not coming herself & she can deal with the fallout directly. This has been the ugliest fallout so far.

ukrut wants to know:

Are you sure that everything is ok with your Mil? I just To have serious panic attacks in groups so this would be something that I would have said.

OP makes herself clear:

No, definitely not. She loves attention & making everything about herself. Someone else asked about anxiety & honestly, I don't believe she has yard work to do either.

Well, there you have it!

Looks like this family is headed for a non-apology.