Speaking your mind to an inconsiderate family member can be deeply uncomfortable, but it's the only way to save a relationship.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her mom she's being insensitive about her cheating. She wrote:
My (45F) mom, and my (43M) dad recently got a divorce after my mom confessed to cheating on my dad with a female coworker. My mom and dad sat me and my siblings down a few months ago to tell us the news and we were devastated to say the least. Because of this, my stepdad had to move to somewhere nearly 3 hours away.
This has put a ton of stress on me and my siblings as we now have to juggle spending time with 3 parents (mom, bio dad and step dad). The truly messed up part about this is that it seems like my mom doesn’t care about this at all. She constantly visits the woman she cheated with as well as having unmuted calls with her while making dinner.
It’s come to the point where I honestly think my mom cares more about her than me and my siblings, as she always spends her free time with her instead of us. On multiple occasions I have told my mom that I don’t want anything to do with her new girlfriend, which she respected at first but has now been adamant on me meeting her which I am very uncomfortable with.
A lot of this has been bubbling up inside me for a while and I really want to call her out for being so insensitive to me and my siblings feelings. Would I be the AH?
LindaLeeDanvers wrote:
NTA. Your mom is caught in the “new relationship energy” phase. She isn’t being sensitive to others around her because all she care about is the new person. I’m 53. I mention this because I see posts about people making these sorts of decisions time and again. I want to tell them that they’re not thinking of the long-term consequences of their actions. The damage to their relationship with family.
Your mom is younger than me. She isn’t seeing that she may not have many more moments with you if she keeps acting the way she does. Look how she had to get into a new relationship - by cheating. If she had feelings for someone else, and she wanted to leave her current relationship, why not wait to leave? Instead, it’s time to plow through the family dynamic so that she can get what she wants.
Independent-Length54 wrote:
NTA. I'm sorry that your mom seems adamant to put her desires / those of her affair partner ahead of the family. That's selfish and I hope you know you didn't deserve this emotionally or logistically.
Obviously your mom doesn't care about acting respectful regarding her AP, so I hope you know you don't ever have to have a relationship with that person if you don't want to. I hope you can get some support around you -- same for your siblings.
StripedBadger wrote:
Very gently - I think you’re naive. These are things your mom would have thought of before she started cheating and before she confessed. She wasn’t ignorant, she didn’t care. She has already decided she doesn’t care about that nearly as much as she cares about what she wants. You’re not going to get satisfaction by having this argument. You’re just going to get more upset.
Jpalm4545 wrote:
NTA. I see your bio dad is in a bad area and step-dad is too far away. My best advice besides being petty and constantly telling the new gf that she destroyed your family is to get a job and save as much as you can for the next 2 years and either move out at 18 or go away to college and go low or no contact with your mom. Sorry this happened.
OP is definitely not TA here, hopefully their mom wakes up before she loses the chance at relationships with her kids.