'AITA for making my daughter go to her mother's funeral?' Reddit says yes.
Funerals are for remembering the life of the deceased. So when you didn't know the deceased at all, are you obligated to attend?
According to one single father, yes. But after making this choice for himself and his daughter, the results are not what he wanted. So, he came to Reddit to ask:
'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for making my daughter go to her mother's funeral?'
Brokenguy_86 writes:
I (35M) was married years ago to the love of my life but we got divorced before my (now 13yo) daughter turned one.
To make a long story short ex-wife cheated on me both before and during her pregnancy and although I tried to save our marriage, she wanted out.
In a nutshell, she said wasn't ready for marriage and only said yes because she loved me at the time. She grew tired of me and abandoned my daughter and me.
This is already a sad story.
Over the years I only saw her twice, once on someone's motorcycle where she seemed happy, and another time at a bar where we spoke a little.
Two months ago I received news that she died and I was torn up. I never loved anyone like I did her so I was devastated. I quickly got in touch with the few friends and family of hers that I could find and set up the funeral.
The issue started when my daughter refused to go. She is as hard-headed as her mother was, so I had to basically drag her to the church.
I knew she was acting up because she didn't know her mom but this was her last chance to say goodbye and I didn't want her to regret it in the future.
She didn't talk to me the entire service, and when we got home she locked herself in her room.
What did he expect?
Later she said I only wanted to go to the funeral because I wasn't over her which stung and although I admit I cried, I was mad because she didn't know anything about her other than what people said.
Her grandmother said I shouldn't have brought her to the funeral but it seemed like the right thing to do. I know her mom loved her deep down but didn't get the chance to tell her. AITA (Am I the a-hole)?
Here's what Reddit thought...
YTA (You're the a-hole). You took her there not for her own reasons. She never knew the woman, she was abandoned and I expect had little to no contact at all. To her she was a host for pregnancy not a mother. You can tell her all you want about why you want or think she should go but you decided to force the choice and drag her there. You loved her, she has never.
YTA. Her 'last chance to say goodbye'? It doesn't sound as if she ever had a meaningful chance to say 'hello.' The woman who died was a stranger to her. Also her accusation about why you went was impressively astute for a 13-year-old kid.
I would bet that your daughter likely has already mourned not having a mother. Bringing her to a funeral of a woman she never knew feels like opening wounds that were probably long shut.
Her mother didn't get a chance to tell her she loved her? She had 13 years. You dragged her to a funeral for a stranger.
YTA for thinking the “love of your life” is someone who didn’t love you and abandoned her daughter. Get mental help and stop projecting your relationship fantasies on your daughter, she seems to have more common sense than you. Poor kid.