An angry husband came to Reddit after his brother-in-law handled this exact sitatution incorrectly. His post sparked an internet debate that you will likely takes sides on.
Hello everybody. So me M26 my wife F25, live by ourselves in an apartment. Her brother is visiting from out of town.
One night myself and my wife get a bit frisky and start having sex. Her brother heard from our spare room and decided to complain to her parents that we were being too loud and not taking his feelings into consideration.
Her parents sided with him and are giving us a whole lot of grief because he overheard us.
After this, I said he can f*ck off and stay with his parents while he's here because it's my house and I'll do whatever I want in my house.
My wife thinks I'm overreacting and we should just not do it while he's here. Am I the a-hole?
Reddit couldn't agree on a final ruling. Many people felt differently about it, and here are the various arguments made:
How old is the brother? Unless he is a minor, NTA (not the a-hole).
He's in his 30s.
As an adult, he should have kept it to himself or brought it up to OP. Instead he 'tattled ' and brought the parents into something that a) didn't happen at their house, and b) they have no control over. NTA.
Look... kinda YTA (you're the a-hole). I get it's your home and you can do what you'd like blah blah blah, but 'don't fuck loud enough to disturb your guest' isn't an unreasonable ask. And listening to your siblings have sex is an uncomfortable situation for both siblings, so it's no wonder you wife isn't enthusiastic about having sex knowing her brother can hear her.
I understand guest feeling uncomfortable but instead of talking to them or at least his sister he went to his parents about a married couple having sex in their home! I agree with OP he should be at his parent's home!
ESH (Everyone sucks here). One of the things about being an adult and having sex is being aware of your surroundings and who you might be sharing a space with. You stated that you did nothing to mitigate any noise, so in that sense, you and your wife suck.
However, adults have sex and that's a fact of life. Your BIL had multiple choices to consider before running to his parents. These include turning on a TV, using head phones or the wild thought of accepting that married people have sex and mentioning that he can hear you. So you can then make adjustments.
There is no way that it's reasonable to ask you to refrain from sex with your wife in the privacy of your own bedroom. Asking you to keep the noise down is a reasonable request.
YTA because you didn't even try to do it quietly or consider your guest at all. Yeah your house your rules but no normal person expects their stay at someone's house to include being involved in their exhibitionist play - which is what this is, when you knowingly have sex in hearing distance from someone that is a form of exhibitionism.
Your BIL did not consent to being part of that and it was understandable he was upset by it.
Sometimes people have sex while someone else is in the same house. That’s not exhibitionism unless it was intentional and they were getting off on it. It’s just life. Calm down.
Reddit didn't seem to have a defininitive answer. Looks like OP is going to have to decide how to handle this on their own.