A young man came to Reddit's poular 'Am I the A-hole' forum to ask:
I'm 25M, I have two parents. My birth dad (John) who's 48M and my other dad Dwayne who's 45M. I call my birth dad John, 'Dad'. And I call my other dad Dwayne, 'Pops'.
My birth dad John was married to my mom for a few years, then she left my dad and yeah. They ended up divorcing and now she's somewhere in California, idk where or what she's doing. Haven't talked to her in ages.
So dad and pops I'm super close with. They are the best parents any child could ask for. I love both of them and they've always been with me.
My dad introduced me to pops when I was a little boy and they had told me they were in a relationship, and I was all for it because i had saw my dad become lonely/sad when he was single. So seeing the fact that my dad loves someone and has a life partner made me super happy.
Pops & Dad got married, and we've been living an amazing life. I'm probably more to close to Pops then my own dad haha. Due to the fact that Pops is really cool and he's laid back. I love both of them equally and they love me as well, and I'm blessed to have them as parents.
For a few months I've been dating this girl Bella who's my age. I thought she's pretty cute and I liked her. So we kicked it and recently she told me 'My parents want to meet your parents and want to come over for dinner' I said sure. I'll tell my family.
So yesterday, Friday night. Bella comes in. Pops greets her and says 'Come on in sweetheart, dinner is ready'. She says 'You must be ____ dad so good to meet you' and she shakes his hand and she sees Dad come out of the kitchen 'He's holding the mac n cheese tray' with the mittens and is putting it on the table.
Then Bella says 'Who's he?' i said, 'Oh that's my dad'. She said 'I though he's your dad' she's referring to Pops.
I say yeah. That's my pops? And that's my dad?
She pulls me to the side and says 'I didn't know your parents are gay? Oh my god? why didn't you tell me?'
I genuinely didn't know why, that'd be an issue or so. Because you're dating me, not my parents and all. So it shouldn't matter.
But I guess it's a concern for her. Her parents come at the door after they parked the car, and Bella tells her parents 'let's leave' and they left.
I told my parents I'm sorry, and they said 'son don't worry this is nothing new haha' and then we all sat down and enjoyed dinner and went to sleep.
So AITA (am I the a-hole) for not telling?
Reddit had a lot to say on the matter...
NTA (Not the a-hole), did she ever tell you her parents are straight?
NTA. But perhaps naive. Unfortunately it's probably better to let a girlfriend know you have two dads so you can weed out the homophobes BEFORE you accidentally bring them home for dinner. :(
INFO: You’ve dated this girl for months. How has the subject of parents never come up? Seriously, what did you two talk about?
I can honestly see how it may not come up. My bf who I've been dating couple months and known for 5 yrs isn't one big on details lol. He doesn't keep anything a secret just more unless it something that comes up in natural convo then he doesn't go out his way to discuss it. Whereas I will happily inform someone of my whole life story within the first half hr of meeting lol.
Same! I just don't blurt things out in general you know. I don't intend to keep it a secret. But I can't read your mind you know. So if you have a question I'll be more then happy to answer it. But if you don't mention it, I'm not gonna mention it either.
ESH (Everyone sucks here). Obviously you dodged a homophobic bullet here, but you should consider 'prescreening' this information so your parents don't have to deal with unnecessary bigotry. Just tell women ahead of time and if they object then you don't bring them home. It's the considerate thing to do for your parents.
As a gay person, I'd rather not have people give others a trigger warning before meeting me. Feels judgemental. If you wouldn't give a trigger warning for a straight person, you don't need to give a trigger warning for a gay person.
NTA, but in the future make it one of the first things you talk to a potential gf about during the fact-finding stage. Best way to avoid any hurt feelings, homophobes, etc. Let this girl go if you haven't already. She's not worth it.
Yeah I mean, if she asked I would've told her but she never asked. Plus I mean I never thought it'd be something to bring up to begin with? You know. But yeah I broke up with her this morning.
It looks like OP wasn't hiding a thing, especially not his lovely family. If he's guilty of anything, it's trusting people not to be homophobic a-holes.