Woman tells 'philanthropic' rich sister that her 'job is being a gold digger.' AITA?

When a working mother was insulted by her sister who married rich, she snapped back. But some think she may have gone too far. So, she came to Reddit to ask:

'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for telling my sister shes a gold digger even if she’s philanthropic?'

Ok-Temperature6156 writes:

AITA? I (34F) have an little sister (30F) who is married to a wealthy business man in our state. I am also married, both my husband and I work blue collar jobs. We have very different lifestyles.

I personally dont feel comfortable relying on someone to do everything for me and Im independent. She on the other hand relies on my BIL for EVERYTHING and doesn't work at all. We aren't close and never have been for other reasons.

Great exposition.

She lives hours away and recently was in town for a charity event and was staying with me for a week. Immediately she was rude and judgmental of the way our household runs.

She told me its “sad” that my two boys share a room and my husband has a game room for himself. I was shocked and told her that the boys are 4 and 2 they don't need their own huge fancy rooms and that the game room is half the size of a standard room.

She had more to say about other things we did in the house acting like shes so much better than me and feels bad for me and the kids… we grew up together in an extremely poor household I dont understand why she was acting like we didn't experience way worse. She was rude her whole stay.

They both seem to have a lot of opinions about the other's lifestyle.

My husband even told me she asked him why he doesn't cook or spend time with the boys after he just worked a 10 hour shift! Coming from a lady with a live in nanny and chef!

I was shocked and appalled by her attitude.

I confronted her the next day about chastising my husband and she said she did it because she felt bad that I did most of the work in the house and he did barely anything.

Here it comes...

I told her she doesn’t do ANYTHING, she doesn't work, she doesn't watch her kids, she doesn't clean or cook, all she does is shop and do charity events and that my husband works more in a days shift than she has in YEARS and stop acting like shes better than us.

She started playing the victim, crying, saying that she was standing up for me and that she just wants me to not feel burnt out. I told her that I'm sure her husband wishes someone would do the same for him, since all she does is waste his money.

This is when she starts acting all high and mighty, she has the nerve to say I'm JEALOUS of her and that she doesn't waste money she donates it, and she's worked with this and that organization and she works and has a job (ha).

I told her that her job is being a gold digger. Even if she does donate money it's not HERS since she didnt make it. My husband heard and laughed.

Then sis fights back.

She said if she's a gold digger, than my husband is a sh*t holer and that I'm the hole. She left and blocked me, saying I'm an a-hole!

Now bro gets involved.

She told our brother and he says I'm an a-hole since I judge my sister for not doing “real work” while my husbands only job is working and I also work and do everything else. So technically if she's a freeloader he's even worse.

AITA (Am I the a-hole)?! She came into my house and insulted US!

It's clear OP's emotions were on high while writing this, and there's no doubt she feels insulted. But was she justified in what she said, and how she said it?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

Euphoric_Valuable_53 goes in:

YTA. All your husband does is work a 9-5 like you do. Then you come home and do the cooking and childcare while your husband is tired from working (just like you are). Your sister observes how you do most of the household tasks and sees the imbalance of it.

Considering you’re both doing it 50/50, he should be cooking and doing childcare as well. Since hes not, hes a golddigger since hes getting free labor from a cook and nanny (you) just like your sister is a golddigger from getting free labour as well. Looks like youre a hypocrite

OP fires back:

He's not a gold digger he pays half the bills. Him and her are not the same AT ALL. I'm not a nanny or cook I'm a MOTHER.

RB1327 doesn't understand:

Finding it hard to believe she would choose to stay with you, her sister she isn't close to at all, when she could obviously be in a luxury hotel. But ESH. Neither of you has any understanding or respect for the other's lifestyle, and you both resorted to nasty personal attacks.

OP explains:

There are no luxury hotels, we live in the country. And she claims she's too good for the Holiday Inn because they have “bugs”.

Practical_Cicada7684 comments:

She had a point about your husband not spending time with his kids. Also about the boys sharing a room, while he has a game room. If he has time for games, he has time to be a father too. Your husband seems useless in the household.

Why are you so judgemental against her for being rich?? Why does it bother you so much that she has a nanny and a cook?? I mean, I get it, your husband is useless and you probably are burnt out, but honey, that's not your sister's fault. In fact she seemed to actually stand up for you.

Alarmed_Jellyfish555 wants to know:

...Sorry, I'm confused? Why is OP obsessively defending her useless husband? ...And why exactly is her sister an a-hole again?

pastapearldesaucer says:

Geez ESH (everyone sucks here). Your sister should not be spending her entire stay with you being disrespectful and pointing out all of the problems she sees and it's fair of you to be upset about that. You suck here because your response was entirely uncalled for.

Obviously her husband doesn't mind being the main breadwinner for their household and that works for him, and while it may not give her an income of her own, charity work is both REAL and IMPORTANT work.

That being said, she had a point. The way you word your post indicates that you don't dispute that while you and your husband both work you end up doing the majority of the childcare and housework. Working 10 hour shifts is no excuse to come home and not spend any time with your children and family or help out around the house as best you can.

OP responds:

I understand that, but the message was wrong coming from HER. She does less work than him yet she's judging us like she works hard! It makes no sense.

Remarkable_Buyer4625 adds:

Honestly, you sound jealous. It’s not clear why you think your sister is a gold digger (?) Marrying a rich partner does not necessarily equate to being a gold digger.

Additionally, most SAHMs rely on their partners to earn the money for their households. Are you saying that in those cases, their spouse’s money is not “theirs” because they don’t work outside of the home?

Since your sister questioned why your husband doesn’t spend time with his children, are you certain that she doesn’t spend time with hers? Or are you assuming she doesn’t because she has a nanny? Having a nanny in and of itself does not mean that the person does not spend time with their children.

It would seem odd that she called out your husband if she didn’t think it was important for parents to spend time with their kids. Finally, your children absolutely should have their own rooms over your husband having a gaming room. One of those children is a toddler.

What do you think?

Are these Redditors too hard on OP? Or is she actually jealous?