Stepmom 'can't' attend family funeral bc daughter needs a breakup 'vacation.' AITA?
Tragic deaths rarely happen at a convenient time, but those close to the deceased are expected to put things on hold for a memorial. And when they don't, people get hurt.
One woman came to Reddit after a family tragedy to ask:
'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for telling my step daughter I can't attend her partner's funeral?'
Fit_Paint_1312 writes:
Me and my husband have been married about 8 years. I have two daughters, 27 and 25, and a step daughter, 24. I'll call my elder daughter Laura and my step daughter Cassie for this post.
We all get along well but we're not close at all, since the kids were pretty much grown when me and my husband married.
Laura and her ex partner had been together since she was 20, and were even talking about marriage. However, they split earlier this year when she found out he was seeing other girls.
That's terrible.
Laura's been going through a difficult time dealing with it all, and she asked me and my younger daughter to take a girls trip, so we could spend time together and cheer her up a bit. Everything for our vacation has been booked and we're leaving next week.
And it gets more terrible:
Cassie's partner recently passed in an accident, which was awful news. The funeral is next week, one of the days we'll be on vacation so I'll be missing the funeral.
I did let Cassie know, but she didn't take it well, saying we don't care about her.
My husband isn't particularly happy either and said we should postpone the trip, but that's not really possible since it's all booked, and Laura doesn't want to because she has something else later.
Here's what Reddit had to say about this post...
In a rare moment of internet harmony, most users agreed on a ruling.
trishsf comes in hot:
YTA (You're the a-hole). Of course you go to the funeral. I’m astonished that a grown human would even consider going on vacation when their husband's daughter has lost her husband. Jaw dropping. Selfish to the extreme. YTA.
Reasonable-Guess93 wants to know:
How long had Cassie and her partner been together? Also what is/ was your relationship with Cassie and her partner like? Were they involved in family events and holidays?
OP:
They were together for 3 or so years. We did celebrate holidays and things together, but not all of them since sometimes Cassie would go to her mom's or his family's, which is understandable. Me and Cassie talk or message ocassionally, but other than that we don't have much of a close relationship.
Katharinemaddison says:
YTA, I am wondering how much of one though. Are you a mother figure to Cassie? By that I mean, does she see you as a mother figure, how old was she when you got together with your husband, does she have a living biological or former step mother she has a relationship with?
You are at least, I think, making a poor choice, because the funeral is a big deal. And your husband is at least your husband. His daughter has just lost her partner suddenly. You don’t have a bad relationship with his daughter (yet). I really think you’re making the wrong decision. Not least for him.
OP:
No I'm definitely not a mother figure to her, her mom is alive and well.
Altruistic-Phase-105 comments:
NTA (Not the a-hole). The husband can still go. It’s not like you’re both going to miss it. I hope your daughter feels better with this trip and I’ll pray for your step daughter. They both going through a loss.
Strayato disagrees:
YTA. Is there no way you guys can't push the vacation day back by 1-2 days? Or even just you and your husband postpone going for 1-2 days?I mean I understand stuff happens but IMO this is family and she needs you right now. Vacations can be done at anytime.
You're more of a massive AH than I thought, you stated it was Cassie's partner not that he was her husband so he was also family. I seriously hope she cuts you and Laura off big time. You showed this poor girl what matters most, and it definitely isn't her.
BabyCake2004 agrees:
YTA. Both you and your daughter have no empathy whatsoever. Cassie is completely right, you do not care for her. Your daughter 'doesn't want to because she has something else later' CASSIE'S PARTNER F#@KING DIED, how immature do you have to be. I wouldn't do this to one of my friends, let alone the daughter of the person I married.