Marriages are usually between two people, but sometimes a clingy mother-in-law makes 3.
That's the exact situation Reddit user u/Furbabiesbunluv found herself in. After only three years of marriage, her MIL has moved in with her and her husband. Her mama's boy hubby loves it, but this wife is tired of having a third person in her marriage.
Now, she's asking the internet, 'AITA (Am I The A**hole) for threatening to kick my mother-in-law out of my house if she refuses to pay rent?'
She writes:
Me, (27f) married my husband at 24. We dated for 9 months before we decided to get married, after knowing each other for almost 4 years. I became close to my husband's family early on, but I never would hang out with them if my husband wasn’t there.
My husband and I decided to move, about an hour away from his parent's house. The apartment we were looking at, was a beautiful 1 bedroom apartment, but it was large and I was in love with it. My husband was also seriously considering choosing said apartment, and rent would be close to $1700 a month.
It was downtown, close to both our jobs, and even though it was stretching our budget. When we told our families about this, his mother-in-law started crying at the table saying that her baby boy would be too far away.
This annoyed me, but I said nothing thinking my husband would handle it. Instead, he said that he had actually been thinking about renting a larger apartment so that MIL could visit multiple nights at a time, and I shot him a death glare.
Of course, his mom was all over the idea, immediately planning the whole design of the apartment. It would be so much more money, not to mention the sacrifice of privacy. He later told me that he had found an apartment that was $3200 per month and had 3 bedrooms rather than 1.
I did not want to do this, and I told him so. He said he would cover the difference for me between the other apartment and this one, so I agreed. Fast forward 3 months. My MIL has moved in full time, and my husband has asked me to split the cost of the rent with him.
I told him I would cover my part of the rent. He looked relieved and said great that he didn’t want to have to ask his mom. I laughed at him and told him that since his mom had been living here for 2 months now, she needs to pay her part of the rent. She’s always judging my cooking and cleaning, and she’s just overall aggravating.
Finally, I sat down with my husband and mother-in-law and told them that we would be splitting the rent by thirds, or his mother would no longer be welcome to stay with us, and we will be downsizing to something more affordable. My husband is pissed and says I should have talked to him in private. AITA?
This woman is not 'The A**hole' for wanting her overbearing mother-in-law out of the house. She shouldn't have to pay more money for a huge apartment just so his mom can live there rent-free. She needs to have a serious talk with her husband about his mommy issues/plans for the future. If her hubby won't cut the umbilical cord, this wife needs to find a new grown-up apartment all by herself.
Reddit agrees that this wife is NTA, but she will be one to herself if she doesn't lay down the law with her mama's boy husband.
From BabyCake2004
NTA. but you have a huge husband problem. This was his job to tell his mother, not yours. And you did speak to him in private. Honestly, the only thing that will save this relationship is therapy. If it's worth saving. This is why you shouldn't get married that early in though.
From monomxnia
NTA. your husband needs to grow some balls and learn to stand up to his mother and MIL needs to quit acting entitled
From Creatureteacher86150
NTA. Tell your husband it’s time to choose; either he lives with his wife, or his mother, but you will not be subsidizing his mother’s rent either way. If he wants to live with his mommy, he can move back into her house, and you’ll rent a place for yourself, like a grown-up
From saurellia
WTF. You’re not even 30, married 9 months, and he’s already moved his mommy in??? You’ve got bigger problems than rent. NTA.
From profound_whatever
Paying a third of the rent is totally reasonable, but the rent is absolutely not the issue here. MIL hasn't cut the cord on your husband, who knows he's trapped but doesn't want to break his mom's (suffocating, controlling) heart. He has a choice -- please my mom or please my wife -- and he keeps choosing mom; he'd rather you be upset than her.
NTA but there's an elephant in the room: MIL needs to be out of that house yesterday
From serenitnowinsanitl8r
NTA! This is a nightmare living situation and a nightmare marriage situation. I know it doesn’t feel like it bc this is the oldest you’ve ever been, but 27 is young! You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! How do you want that life to look? You could dodge a huge bullet if you cut your losses and run.
From Pink_RubberDucky
NTA. Technically, you should have talked to him first, just like he should have talked to you before telling his mom he was thinking of renting a bigger apartment.
You didn’t want a bigger apartment. You got one. He said he’d pay for the difference in rent. He’s not. Your mil isn’t visiting, she’s moved in. This doesn’t look good, OP…
From BlueLavender0104
NTA but this is ridiculous. Why on earth are you agreeing to live with his mother?? This would be a deal breaker for me. She has 30 days to find her own place to live. I would leave
From oftheocean13
Nta! Your husband needs to prioritize your relationship before his mother. I'd immediately have her leave and downsize or your relationship will be ruined.
From justwaitingforgodot
NTA. They pulled a bait and switch on you. I wouldn’t pay a single dime over your share of the original apartment. And I’d only do that for long enough to find my own place and file for divorce.
I see lots of therapy recommendations here, but I don’t even see the point. He wants to be with his mom. Why bother fighting him on it? What a waste of life to spend your time trying to explain and convince him that what he did here sucks. Just cut your losses.