When a young, fit, woman had a traumatic accident that left her with only one leg, she expected support from her family, especially her also athletic husband. However, the reaction from them has been... less than ideal.
Here is her post, and below are the top Reddit comments:
My (23F) husband (27M) and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We’re both athletic people, or at least I used to be, so we’ve been planning a holiday for the past year, without going into major details it’s an expensive (by my standards) holiday and it would’ve involved a lot of hiking, I was looking forward to it.
I was in an accident recently and, once again without going into much detail as it’s triggering, lost my leg. It’s upsetting but I’m not in a place to openly speak about it outside of therapy, obviously due to this recent…restriction, I’m unable to do what we’d planned for our holiday.
I hadn’t thought about the holiday, it’s non refundable… I had expected my husband to not want to go, currently his family haven’t asked once now I am and my family claim it’s “hard” to be around me because they “don’t know how to support me” whatever.
He said yesterday he invited his sister (19) in my place, I was baffled because I expected him to support me - he said it’s not for two months, I’m like so? Cancel and plan something we can both do. He said he needs a break - that he’s been supporting me, he deserves this and he was also looking forward to it…
So I said “you go, but I paid for my spot so no she can’t use it.' He asked if I’m being serious that it’s spiteful, his sister hasn’t done anything… I said she hasn’t asked me once how I’m doing, she texted me last week for £150 why should she get a free holiday?
Anyway, he’s upset claiming “he’ll still go and pay for his sister” which he won’t, since a) it’s expensive and b) last I checked fully booked. AITA? I’d ask family or friends, but I don’t feel like texting them.
Later, OP clarified:
Accident was 3 months ago, out of these 3 months he’s been out every weekend, he’s visited his parents for 2 weeks. He hasn’t given me any care…I’m not saying it isn’t emotionally upsetting for him, but he hasn’t given me any extra help.
And they ruled big fat NTA (not the a-hole).
As a physiotherapist I have worked with patients after amputations. Some after accidents. It is such a distressing experience and it is hard to count all the aspects of your life this impacts; many young, athletic people who lose limbs will enter a total identity crisis on top of the grief that comes with losing a limb, parts of your future, hiking and all sorts of things. This is really really hard to go through.
Your husband should be there for you and probably go to therapy himself to deal with his own feelings. Some might say that you could be 'the bigger person' and be happy for him and his sister enjoying said trip. But you lost you leg. You are not, in any way, supposed to be the bigger person here. This is about you - you should be supported, you should feel loved and like the highest priority right now.
Your feelings are so valid and the things you are going through are immensely hard. You are doing pretty awesome I think and I hope you get the help you need. It will get better, but it can take time and that is okay. NTA, you have experienced something very traumatic, things should be about you at the moment.
Your title Includes “out of spite” - you know what spite is, right?
To which OP said:
He said it’s out of spite, so I just used that wording.
NTA. Do you have travel insurance? Because your accident should allow you to claim the whole trip cost back (including your traveling companion's). Even if you don't, an email and copy of a medical letter would trigger many hotels /airlines to refund you even if this is outside their T&Cs. Sending good wishes.
If he needs a vacation, plan his own. But doing the vacation that she planned but cannot do herself right now is cold.
From the way the post is written, it sounds like OP is not being treated well at all. That she's being disregarded, cast aside, while the world moves on and has fun without her. That could, however, be trauma and grief talking. She's an athlete and she's lost a limb. Her whole life is changing, against her will, and that is going to naturally color a lot of interactions. Sideways bro-hugs, OP.
NTA wooooow OP I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happened. You out of anybody in this story deserve a f*cking break. How rude of your partner to just go anyway, leaving you alone to overthink and go crazy about something you were desperate to do. It’s incredibly selfish of him. His sister can’t even give you a message or even text saying “thanks for giving me your holiday”. You are so NTA it’s unbelievable.
And Farknart brings it home:
It's been 3 months. He goes out a lot, 2 weeks with parents. Offers no support. Oh boy, this hubby is trash.