Family

<p>It&#39;s natural for parents to want their kids to have a better life than them. But the tactics parents use to push for that better life aren&#39;t always healthy.</p><p>While some focus on pouring love into their kids so they have a healthy foundation to go thrive in the world, others project their anxieties and their own self-hatred onto their kid, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.</p><p>As a bystander, it can be painful to watch, and even when you know it&#39;s not your place to step in to parent, sometimes it&#39;s impossible to stop yourself from intervening.</p><h2>In a <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13que9e/aita_for_telling_my_niece_about_her_moms_past/" target="_blank">popular post on the AITA subreddit</a>, an aunt asked if she was wrong for telling her niece about her mom&#39;s wild youth.</h2><p>She wrote:</p><blockquote> <p>AITA for telling my niece about her mom&rsquo;s past?</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>My (38F) sister, Lauren (42F), had a pretty wild youth. I did too, so no judgment on my part. When Lauren was 18, she got pregnant and chose to get an abortion. This was her wake-up call. She went to college, later got a great job, and found her husband. They had a daughter, Roxy, who&rsquo;s now 17. Roxy is a very studious and responsible young woman, but there is no doubt how hard her parents are on her.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Lauren has said several times that she doesn&rsquo;t want Roxy to end up like her. Which I understand but I&rsquo;ve also told her that she can&rsquo;t be so hard on her. Let her make mistakes and guide her through them vs yelling. Roxy found out she was pregnant in March. Lauren and her husband reacted horribly. I have a daughter who&rsquo;s of similar age and I know I wouldn&rsquo;t be thrilled either.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>However, Lauren and her husband took it too far in my opinion. They shamed her, told her she&rsquo;s a disgrace. They said even if she got an abortion or gave the baby up for adoption, they found her irresponsible and didn&rsquo;t want her around. They kicked her out. Roxy&rsquo;s boyfriend&rsquo;s parents did the same. The two are now living with my family. This has been incredibly hard on Roxy.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>She plans on raising the baby, but keeps saying she feels like a failure. I never knew how truly bad Lauren was, but she&rsquo;s always called Roxy horrible names and made her feel like she wasn&rsquo;t good enough. I finally told Roxy all about her mom&rsquo;s past and told her that Lauren had no right to talk. I prefaced this by saying this isn&rsquo;t what made Lauren a bad person and I don&rsquo;t shame her.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>But used it as Lauren has no moral high ground. Roxy called Lauren and called her out on her hypocrisy. My extended family is mad at me. Most aren&rsquo;t happy with Lauren but say it wasn&rsquo;t my place to spread her business. Apparently, her husband didn&rsquo;t know about her past either and is calling her a liar, etc. My parents and other family members say I should&rsquo;ve kept my mouth shut.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>EDIT: Please stop asking me what their plans are, what jobs they have, are they truly prepared, etc. Not the point of this post nor any of your business or concern. We are working on everything one day at a time. You don&rsquo;t know these kids or their lives. I know their situation. It won&rsquo;t be easy but it is what it is. I cannot force her to get an abortion. Stick to the topic at hand. Thank you.</p> </blockquote><h2>Unsurprisingly, this topic brought out some strong feelings from the internet.</h2><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Otherwise_Carpet_617/" target="_blank">Otherwise_Carpet_617</a> wrote:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>NTA. Don&#39;t throw stones if you live in a glass house. My god, how awful for your niece. Thankfully she has you to support her in her choices. This is a hard place for any 17/18 year old to be, regardless of their final decision. For her mother to be so horrible, especially having gone through similar herself, is truly awful.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Good for you for sharing her mother&#39;s story. Normally I would say not your place, but in this specific instance, it feels necessary to help your niece.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/lostrandomdude/" target="_blank">lostrandomdude</a> wrote:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>NTA. Your niece has just had her world turned upside down, and your sister has practically abandoned her for doing the same thing she did at her age. One thing some parents don&#39;t get is that by putting so much pressure on their kids so they don&#39;t make the same mistakes, it drives them to rebel and screw up.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>The fact that your sister hid her past from her husband of over 17 years says a lot about your sister</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>You have gone above and beyond by taking in your niece and her boyfriend and they seem to be showing maturity and responsibility by wanting to actually raise the child (I&#39;m assuming the boyfriend wants to do so seeing as he is with her). Your niece deserves to know that everyone can make mistakes and your extended family is wrong for not helping out.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/blueavole/" target="_blank">blueavole</a> wrote:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>You did right by your niece but burned your sister. You blew up your sister&rsquo;s marriage. Well, she blew up her own marriage with lies. NTA. It is so sad that women like your sister feel so much shame about their past. She wishes she made different choices, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean she has to be so hard on her daughter. I hope the two of you can reconcile and both support your niece.</p> </blockquote><p><strong><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/MikeDropist/" target="_blank">MikeDropist</a> had a clarifying question:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>Let&rsquo;s take this further. Did your sister use her past experience to teach her daughter about birth control and safety or did she just outright try to stifle it all? I doubt the former. She basically treated Roxy like <em>she</em> was guilty of mistakes before the fact and thus made it a self-fulfilling prophecy.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Even if Lauren did do the right thing (again highly doubtful), her and her husband&rsquo;s treatment of her was nothing less than disgraceful. NTA. It was Lauren herself through her words and actions who made it necessary for her daughter to know.</p> </blockquote><p><strong>And OP answered it:</strong></p><blockquote> <p>She never taught Roxy about birth control. Instead told her to wait until marriage. Then when Roxy got pregnant, she shamed her and didn&rsquo;t even worry about her being safe or healthy. Just for &ldquo;ruining her life.&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><p>While it&#39;s normally out of pocket for a family member to chime in and blow up their sibling&#39;s spot, the internet agrees this situation is an exception.</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Aunt tells pregnant niece about mom's 'wild past' after she gets kicked out of house.

Bronwyn Isaac

It&#39;s natural for parents to want their kids to have a better life than them. But the tactics parents use to push for that better life aren&#39;t always healthy.While some focus on pouring love into their kids so they have a healthy foundation to go thrive in the world, others project their anxieties and their own self-hatred onto their kid, thus creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.As a bystander, it can be painful to watch, and even when you know it&#39;s not your place to step in to parent, sometimes it&#39;s impossible to stop yourself from intervening.In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, an aunt asked if she was wrong for telling her niece about her mom&#39;s wild youth.She wrote: AITA for telling my niece about her mom&rsquo;s past?  My (38F) sister, Lauren (42F), had a pretty wild youth. I did too, so no judgment on my part. When Lauren was 18, she got pregnant and chose to get an abortion. This was her wake-up call. She went to college, later got a great job, and found her husband. They had a daughter, Roxy, who&rsquo;s now 17. Roxy is a very studious and responsible young woman, but there is no doubt how hard her parents are on her.  Lauren has said several times that she doesn&rsquo;t want Roxy to end up like her. Which I understand but I&rsquo;ve also told her that she can&rsquo;t be so hard on her. Let her make mistakes and guide her through them vs yelling. Roxy found out she was pregnant in March. Lauren and her husband reacted horribly. I have a daughter who&rsquo;s of similar age and I know I wouldn&rsquo;t be thrilled either.  However, Lauren and her husband took it too far in my opinion. They shamed her, told her she&rsquo;s a disgrace. They said even if she got an abortion or gave the baby up for adoption, they found her irresponsible and didn&rsquo;t want her around. They kicked her out. Roxy&rsquo;s boyfriend&rsquo;s parents did the same. The two are now living with my family. This has been incredibly hard on Roxy.  She plans on raising the baby, but keeps saying she feels like a failure. I never knew how truly bad Lauren was, but she&rsquo;s always called Roxy horrible names and made her feel like she wasn&rsquo;t good enough. I finally told Roxy all about her mom&rsquo;s past and told her that Lauren had no right to talk. I prefaced this by saying this isn&rsquo;t what made Lauren a bad person and I don&rsquo;t shame her.  But used it as Lauren has no moral high ground. Roxy called Lauren and called her out on her hypocrisy. My extended family is mad at me. Most aren&rsquo;t happy with Lauren but say it wasn&rsquo;t my place to spread her business. Apparently, her husband didn&rsquo;t know about her past either and is calling her a liar, etc. My parents and other family members say I should&rsquo;ve kept my mouth shut.  EDIT: Please stop asking me what their plans are, what jobs they have, are they truly prepared, etc. Not the point of this post nor any of your business or concern. We are working on everything one day at a time. You don&rsquo;t know these kids or their lives. I know their situation. It won&rsquo;t be easy but it is what it is. I cannot force her to get an abortion. Stick to the topic at hand. Thank you. Unsurprisingly, this topic brought out some strong feelings from the internet.Otherwise_Carpet_617 wrote: NTA. Don&#39;t throw stones if you live in a glass house. My god, how awful for your niece. Thankfully she has you to support her in her choices. This is a hard place for any 17/18 year old to be, regardless of their final decision. For her mother to be so horrible, especially having gone through similar herself, is truly awful.  Good for you for sharing her mother&#39;s story. Normally I would say not your place, but in this specific instance, it feels necessary to help your niece. lostrandomdude wrote: NTA. Your niece has just had her world turned upside down, and your sister has practically abandoned her for doing the same thing she did at her age. One thing some parents don&#39;t get is that by putting so much pressure on their kids so they don&#39;t make the same mistakes, it drives them to rebel and screw up.  The fact that your sister hid her past from her husband of over 17 years says a lot about your sister  You have gone above and beyond by taking in your niece and her boyfriend and they seem to be showing maturity and responsibility by wanting to actually raise the child (I&#39;m assuming the boyfriend wants to do so seeing as he is with her). Your niece deserves to know that everyone can make mistakes and your extended family is wrong for not helping out. blueavole wrote: You did right by your niece but burned your sister. You blew up your sister&rsquo;s marriage. Well, she blew up her own marriage with lies. NTA. It is so sad that women like your sister feel so much shame about their past. She wishes she made different choices, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean she has to be so hard on her daughter. I hope the two of you can reconcile and both support your niece. MikeDropist had a clarifying question: Let&rsquo;s take this further. Did your sister use her past experience to teach her daughter about birth control and safety or did she just outright try to stifle it all? I doubt the former. She basically treated Roxy like she was guilty of mistakes before the fact and thus made it a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Even if Lauren did do the right thing (again highly doubtful), her and her husband&rsquo;s treatment of her was nothing less than disgraceful. NTA. It was Lauren herself through her words and actions who made it necessary for her daughter to know. And OP answered it: She never taught Roxy about birth control. Instead told her to wait until marriage. Then when Roxy got pregnant, she shamed her and didn&rsquo;t even worry about her being safe or healthy. Just for &ldquo;ruining her life.&rdquo; While it&#39;s normally out of pocket for a family member to chime in and blow up their sibling&#39;s spot, the internet agrees this situation is an exception.

It&#39;s natural for parents to want their kids to have a better life than them. But the tactics parents use to push for that better life aren&#39;t always healthy.  While some focus on pouring love into their kids so they have a healthy...