Just because some things are personal doesn't mean that they're necessarily 'gross'. And when certain accidents can't be avoided, it's best to practice kindness over blind fear.
When a sister-in-law was a less than ideal houseguest (according to her BIL), she came to Reddit to ask if she had actually been the jerk here.
'AITA (Am I the a-hole) for leaving when my BIL wouldn’t let me in the hot tub?'
u/Dawn_In_Danger writes:
My BIL just bought a new house. He lives about 4 hours from us. Last weekend my husband and I went to visit him for a few days and see the house for the first time.
Long story short, I got my period while I was sleeping and the guest room sheets had a small bloodstain (about the size of a quarter). My husband helped me strip the bed and I went down to the laundry room to pretreat and then wash the sheets.
When they were done, the bloodstain was 100% gone but when we told BIL he looked completely disgusted.
He inspected the sheets super closely for a very long time and finally I was like “Jesus, BIL, if you’re looking that closely and can’t find a stain, can’t you trust me that I got it out?” He seemed really put out by the whole thing.
There are few things more humiliating than a 'sheet inspection'.
That night, we had plans to hang out in BIL’s hot tub in the backyard, but after dinner, he told me that I wasn’t allowed in the hot tub because of my period.
I was shocked and explained that the nighttime leak was because I hadn’t been expecting my period and had been fast asleep all night, but that it was perfectly safe and sanitary for me to put in a tampon and sit in the hot tub for an hour. But he wouldn’t budge.
My husband had my back and told him that he was being ridiculous, and it ended up turning into a big argument. Eventually my husband and I decided to pack our stuff and stay at a nearby hotel, and then we drove home the next morning. Now BIL is pissed at us for leaving and for not respecting his home.
What did he expect?
He also Venmo requested my husband $100 for new sheets, which he is refusing to pay (but trust that if the stain hadn’t come out, we would’ve been happy to replace them).
He told his whole side of the family, who’ve decided to fully stay out of it (I wish they had our backs more but at least they’re not piling onto us). So are husband and I AH for leaving and not paying for the sheets?
So, what do you think? Is this an agregious act of sexism or just good hygiene?
Reddit ruled a big NTA (not the a-hole).
Another-Day-Okay says:
NTA. your BIL sounds like one of the worst types of humans ever. The types I avoid fiercely. Also $100 for sheets hahahah
Jackninja5 agrees:
The BIL is such a horrific misogynist. I’m only a trans woman so I can’t claim to understand fully what it’s like to be on your period but what I do know is that it is out of your control. And the stuff that was in your control like cleaning up was done correctly.
If you left it stained I can understand him getting angry but you cleaned up and honestly I think if you had it in the hot tub, it would’ve been much easier to clean. When will people learn that periods are a natural occurrence and stop demonising people for having them? Kudos to your husband for sticking up for you. Usually the complaints come from the husband so it’s a nice change of pace. :)
Aggravating-Split-40 writes:
Honestly even if it did get stained it’s still an accident. If I cut my finger and bled on a couch cushion I’d try to clean it up but I’d be pretty pissed if my host was angry about it. I’m a person, I bleed, we all do. Menstrual blood isn’t somehow transmuted into sin via proximity to the vagina.
And after a barrage of questions, OP answered:
EDIT #1: I’ll just say that if BIL was worried about a medical risk for me, it would be a different story. He didn’t want me in the hot tub because “period blood is gross.”
EDIT #2: For everyone asking why I even told him, it’s because my period isn’t a dirty little secret, it’s a natural thing that happens to half of the adult population. And because I’m not going to sneak around like a cat burglar to do laundry. He heard the dryer buzz and asked about it and I told him.
EDIT #3: BIL isn’t on the spectrum, he doesn’t have OCD, and he’s not a germophobe. He just thinks it’s gross.
But AugustNClementine wasn't satisfied:
INFO - Did you make a deal with a half man, half goat at a crossroads under the pale moonlight, did that deal include making your blood dangerous to the uninitiated? Do even trace amounts of this cursed blood become ever expanding portals to the underworld which will eventually consume us all?
Glittery_Gal adds:
”Its his house, his rules!” This isn’t “Am I legally within my right,” it’s “Am I the A-hole.” OP’s BIL is an a-hole. He is treating OP like patient zero for literally no reason, banned her from using a hot tub because ”ew vagina blood icky tampons” and then got MAD when OP and her husband left, and is now demanding a ridiculous sum of money for sheets that are not damaged.
He’s a misogynist. Plain and simple. You don’t get to dictate “my house my rules” and then get mad when people make the decision to leave your house so they no longer have to abide by your rules.
So, there you have it!
It looks like the brother-in-law is the only a-hole in this hot tub.