Bride asks 'AITA?' for disinviting dad from wedding he paid for after learning of his infidelity.
"AITA for suddenly disinviting my father 4 days before my wedding ? He even paid for my wedding and I haven't spoken to him since."
Here's the story:
Just to be clear, I got married in early February. I have always been very close to my father and stepmom growing up. I always felt like they offered me a stable home for me to grow up in. I never had that with my mother.
During the last few years of my parents' marriage, my mother changed as a person. She was a happy and cheerful person when we were younger. She really changed after the divorce. She was miserable, and I felt that. I could tell that she hated the fact that I preferred to live with my dad, but never verbalized her feelings.
She has been single since the divorce, and refuses to date other people. I always wanted to have joint birthday parties with my mom, dad and stepmom, but my mom wouldn't have it. She avoided my father like the plague. I never understood her behavior and resented her for it.
Quite naturally, I preferred my dad's household over my mom's. Anyways, right before my wedding, I was staying at my dad's. One night, I overheard my dad and stepmom reminiscing about how they met. Now they always told us that they met 6 months after the divorce at a library. Turns out, they lied.
They were talking about how my father couldn't take his eyes off her the moment she walked into his office and how he wanted her from that moment on, and how he didn't care that he had a pregnant wife at home.
Apparently their first kiss was a few days after I was born, and the first time they had sex was on my parents' 3rd anniversary. I was only a few months old back then. They were talking about how difficult it was for them to continue their relationship after they got caught when I was 5.
This was extremely shocking to me because my parents got divorced when I was 10. They were also making fun of my mom's weight. This meant that they carried on an affair throughout my parents' marriage. I remember my mom changing for the worse when I was in second grade.
My mom always knew and she never told me. I broke down crying that night and I felt really guilty because of the way I acted towards my mom growing up. I had no idea she went through so much. I was cheated on by my first boyfriend in college and it destroyed me. I felt horrible.
That night, I didn't confront my dad but the next morning, I packed my sh*t up and transferred the amount he had spent on my wedding. I didn't want his money. I told him I heard every thing and asked him to stay away from my wedding.
I left their house and drove to my mom's. I hugged her really hard and we both cried. I had my mom walk me down the aisle, and I made sure my dad's family didn't attend the wedding. I didn't explicitly disinvite my half brother, but he stayed away from my wedding and I'm actually glad be didn't come.
I don't think I want anything to do with any of them anymore. I've heard from the grapevine that my dad is on anti depressants nowadays. My grandma blames me for his depression.
Did I overreact? I still don't want anything to do with him. My dad's family think I was and I am being cruel to him. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
nickyfrags69 said:
NTA - So your views of who your dad is were suddenly changed overnight, and it was revealed that your dad is a dick who messed your mom up mentally? Yeah, no, I don't think you're overreacting. Those actions are unforgivable for a lot of people. You're especially not the asshole because you gave back the money.
I have so much respect for your mom for keeping that shit to herself, that's one of the more impressive things I've ever heard. By the way, you're not to blame for his depression. He is. He made the awful decisions that led him to where he is. The bigger a lie gets, the more powerful it will be when it all comes crashing down.
Razaxun said:
NTA. Spend more time with your mom.
kokolkol said:
NTA. That’s a lot of news to process right before your wedding. I’m surprised they talked about that (and so cruelly and guilt-free) while you were in the house. Your mother showed a lot of restraint keeping quiet all those years even when you were showing preference for your father.
checkeredfire said:
NTA! He was cruel to your mother for 13 years and still makes fun of her to this day. That’s unacceptable. He is an adult. He knows his actions have consequences. You showed him that, and it seems like he threw a hissy fit to his family and is trying to put the blame for his actions onto you. You paid him back. You have no reason to keep him in your life anymore if you don’t want to.
yodiggitydonut said:
Man I really came in here ready to call you TA based on the title. But ohhmygodd you are NTA here. In no way. Your response to the absolute bomb of finding out your father had cheated on your mother for 10 years of your childhood was totally understandable. What were you supposed to do? Let him walk you down the aisle less than a week later, when you're still processing what happened?