My stepmom has been married to my dad since I was 7. She was the other woman in my parents marriage and she was also supposed to be my mom's best friend. I didn't know her very well pre-affair reveal.
She lived in another city and apparently most of my life and all of my sister's life she and our dad had been sleeping together. This is not something I was aware of as a kid.
My sister and I knew we didn't have parents who got along after the divorce, we could sense the tension, once or twice we had an idea mom hated our stepmom, but she never said or did anything directly in front of us. The vibe was just there. It did not stop us loving our stepmom.
We found out what happened when we were 17 and 19. We felt so bad for our mom but our stepmom had always been good to us, and dad was good to us, so we tried not to let it change things.
After my fiance and I announced our engagement on social media my stepmom wrote a post about how she dreamed of this day when I was born, how she had been so excited to watch her very first baby grow up and get married, how she and dad had talked about it before I could walk.
She tagged my dad, but she also tagged some friends who knew her back then who were also friends with my mom. The post was distasteful and honestly was exposing that she had always planned to have the affair. It did change how I felt.
I told her to take it down and apologize, she told me she did not regret the post and why wasn't I happy she loved me that much. I accused her of trying to rub it into my mom's face that she had stabbed her in the back and won the love of my sister and me after betraying her with our dad like she did. She told me it was 20 years ago and mom should be over it.
I decided not to include her in any wedding planning. She is a wedding planner as a profession and I know she would want to, but I am not happy with her post. Mom was so happy when I told her.
But when my stepmom wanted to know when she'd be dress shopping with me and what I wanted her help with, I told her I did not want her involved in any wedding planning.
She and my dad are saying I am overreacting and should not be treating her this way when she has been a damn good parent to me. AITA?
NTA. She’s creepy as f**k. Her first born? It’s like she’s been planning on trying to take your mom’s life from the beginning. She’s sick and shouldn’t be anywhere near your wedding.
FirmConsideration60 OP says:
That's how it read to me. It also read to me like she had planned the affair with my dad before anything had happened for real.
NTA. Glowing praise on your mom for bearing this gracefully for years and not getting in the way of you finding out for yourself.
So what, your mom was just an incubator in this weird fantasy she’s built for herself? She’s unbelievable! What she wrote was so inappropriate, I’m honestly shocked she wasn’t torn apart in the comments on her post. There’s tacky, and then there’s your step-mother.
My ex's affair partner told me outright she wanted my life. Was funny when I didn't fight for him and she still didn't have my life, not realizing that I was the reason we had a great life. It's not uncommon to want to take over completely.
Someone sees someone who has the white picket fence SAHM lifestyle with nice things, and just wants to take you out and pop in your place.