'AITA for telling my brother I met his new girlfriend at an AA meeting?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my brother I met his new girlfriend at an AA meeting?"
Here's the original post:
My brother started dating this new girl and I realized I recognized her from AA. I’m not an addict, but my lawyer recommended I attend some AA meetings to help strengthen an ongoing case against me. I know it’s her because I remember her very unique name from the AA meeting and she also talked for a very long time.
I thought it was important to mention it to my brother is because I’m worried about her as a partner to him. In AA, she mentioned that not only did she use hard drugs, but also that she feels like she can’t control herself. She also admitted to drugs making her verbally aggressive and unstable emotionally, and at the time she was not sober.
I know my brother, and I know that he holds himself and his partners to a high standard and that he hates drama in his relationship. I told him what she said and he broke up with her, and she basically stalked me and also called me an untrustworthy b^$ch who ruined her experience with AA.
Honestly I think I was just trying to help my brother out, but some of my friends think it was messed up for me to tell him. But I think it’s better for him to know what kind of person she is ahead of time. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
CerebralAssazin said:
YTA, did you forget the second ‘A’ stands for ‘anonymous’? Most go to these things to get help, not to try and make a fake showing for court because they can’t get a DD.
packedsuitcase said:
I can't get over how this person just decided there is nothing they can learn. EVEN IF you are not an addict, you think you can't learn something from people actively trying to overcome something difficult and make themselves better? REALLY, OP? You don't find that admirable? You'd rather ruin the sanctity of the meeting and put their anonymity and recovery at risk? YTA.
Jaer56 said:
YTA. You are a GIGANTIC AH. Do you not know the definition of the word ANONYMOUS? It is completely wrong to reveal anything people talked about in those meetings! That is their safe space and you just violated it.
MsGinErso said:
YTA the AA anonymity rule is sacrosanct, how dare you violate the trust of people trying to get their life together? You absolutely disgust me.
J0sey_W4les_23 said:
This would be like eavesdropping on someone's therapy session and then using what you heard to hurt them. It is beyond despicable.
Do you agree with commenters that this person is absolutely, 100%, no questions, a "gigantic" a-hole?
Well, she apparently read these comments. And she has since posted this update:
My reception last time was not very positive, and I realize that my approach at the time wasn’t the best. So in this update, I’m going to try and be emotionless as possible and just give you guys the facts.
I showed my brother the thread. We talked about it. He told me he thinks I have a drinking problem. That was hard to hear. He also reached to his ex, I don’t know the results of that.
I reread my replies. The stories about drunk drivers killing loved ones hit me the hardest. I felt a lot of guilt realizing what I did and went into a depression spiral. I think everything I bottled up came out, and I quit my job.
I emailed the AA group leader with a lengthy apology. She was upset, of course, but was very kind. I’m banned from the meeting, but she matched me with someone to talk to
I texted my brother’s ex with an apology and an offer to meet up in person. She didn’t reply for a few days. Eventually she did, and said that she acknowledges, but she also went in on me and went into detail about how much pain I caused her. She said she cannot forgive me yet.
I talked to my lawyer, we’re trying to figure out the logistics of a guilty plea without conviction, because he thinks that what I did in AA may affect my case. I’ll likely get my license revoked and have to pay a fine.
I’m currently jobless, and I’m probably going to move back in with my parents until I can be better
At the moment, I am still very depressed. I’m trying to right my wrongs but I don’t think I can ever do that. However, I think that this was going to come eventually and the thread didn’t make me depressed, it was the consequences of my own actions. Thank you for helping me see the pain I was causing before it was too late.
You live, you learn?