Family

<h2>I know maybe <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xwbypy/aita_im_upset_my_step_daughter_wont_stay_at_our/">Reddit</a> is the wrong place for this, but here goes.</h2><blockquote> <p>My stepdaughter is 23. She lives in a different city than us for work. My husband and I have 3 other daughters - 12, 10 and 8. They absolutely worship and adore their older sister, look up to her, want to copy her, the whole 9 yards.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>We are Christians and are raising our girls with the concept of sex being for marriage. I know that&rsquo;s not the most common in this day and age, but it&rsquo;s something we feel strongly about.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Anyway, my stepdaughter has had a boyfriend for 2 years. They live together, which we don&rsquo;t agree with, but she&rsquo;s financially independent. For the last two years, every time she comes to visit, they stay in a hotel 25 minutes away (it&rsquo;s the closest one) because we don&rsquo;t allow them to share a room here.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>There would be enough beds - he could take the spare room, and she could bunk in a queen bed with any of her sisters. Two years ago it wasn&rsquo;t a big deal, but now my girls have put together why she won&rsquo;t stay here, the youngest even said she&rsquo;ll do the same when she&rsquo;s her age which I was pretty upset by.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Two weeks ago she was supposed to come to celebrate the two September birthdays of her sisters. I asked if she could stay at our house because her sisters have been noticing she won&rsquo;t. She said no immediately.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>I&rsquo;ll admit I could have phrased it better, but I said they were at an age where her setting a good example is more important than ever and she wasn&rsquo;t doing they. She got offended, we started to argue and then she told me to eff off, she&rsquo;s not coming.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>She didn&rsquo;t come, which her sisters were upset by since she had said she would. She sent them a gift and gave them a call. When they asked why she didn&rsquo;t come, she specifically said it was because I was rude to her, so my girls were then mad at me.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>I sent her a text telling her I didn&rsquo;t appreciate it, she texted back &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t care&rdquo; and we haven&rsquo;t spoken since.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>Was ITA for making that request? I&rsquo;m kind of blown away it&rsquo;s turned into such a big thing, but sad that she&rsquo;s already said she&rsquo;s not coming for our other daughter&rsquo;s November birthday and I don&rsquo;t know how to make it right.</p> </blockquote><h2>Update from OP:</h2><blockquote> <p>I understand the ESH because I was admittedly not gracious on how I worded it to her. I just didn&rsquo;t expect she&rsquo;d hurt her sister&rsquo;s feelings by ditching their birthdays over an argument with me. And I didn&rsquo;t think she&rsquo;d tell my girls about it, which I don&rsquo;t think was appropriate.</p> </blockquote><h2>From the comments:</h2><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Independent_Ad9670/">Independent_Ad9670</a> says:</p><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>YTA. She stays at a hotel to make her sex life totally outside the realm of your concern. Either let them sleep together at your house or shut up about where they stay. It&#39;s very generous of them to come anyway and foot a hotel bill so she can see her sisters.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>What if she became an uber-Catholic and refused to let you and your husband share a bed at her house, because Catholics believe second marriages are adulterous?</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Say-What-KB/">Say-What-KB</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>You do know how to make this right. It&rsquo;s easy. &ldquo;Stepdaughter, I want to apologize. You respected the rules in our home, even when you didn&rsquo;t agree with them. I disrespected your choices because I disagreed with them. I apologize for doing that, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.&rdquo;</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/blaarrggh/">blaarrggh</a> says:</p><blockquote> <p>I&#39;m a Christian. A pretty big one. Actually in ministry, and I have two grown children. My religion is not their religion. My beliefs are my beliefs. Do I hope they share the same beliefs, yeah? But at the end of the day, my relationship with my children is more important than making sure they follow a set of rules of a religion they don&#39;t follow.</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>(I do have one child who is a practicing Christian and one who is not. Guess how they get treated? EXACTLY THE SAME BECAUSE THEY&#39;RE MY KIDS AND I LOVE THEM )</p> </blockquote><blockquote> <p>If you&#39;re trying to set an example for your younger children, then you let your daughter and her boyfriend stay at your house together because that&#39;s what family does ... and you have a genuine conversation with your younger kids.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div><blockquote> <p>Explain that your eldest doesn&#39;t believe the way you do (and that&#39;s okay), but explain why you believe what they believe and that when they&#39;re older they&#39;ll have their own choices to make and why you choose what you choose. And be very specific that you&#39;ll love them and accept them regardless of what they choose.</p> </blockquote><p><a data-testid="comment_author_link" href="https://www.reddit.com/user/PutNameHere123/">PutNameHere123</a> says</p><blockquote> <p>NTA necessarily for making that request; YTA for thinking that she owes you playing a role model, though. A request is fine if you gracefully accept a rejection and leave it at that. She&rsquo;s a fully grown woman and doesn&rsquo;t owe you explanations or alterations regarding her behavior.</p> </blockquote><div className="ad-splitter"></div>

Christian mom upset stepdaughter won't stay over if she can't share room with BF.

I know maybe Reddit is the wrong place for this, but here goes. My stepdaughter is 23. She lives in a different city than us for work. My husband and I have 3 other daughters - 12, 10 and 8. They absolutely worship and adore their older sister, look up to her, want to copy her, the whole 9 yards.  We are Christians and are raising our girls with the concept of sex being for marriage. I know that&rsquo;s not the most common in this day and age, but it&rsquo;s something we feel strongly about.  Anyway, my stepdaughter has had a boyfriend for 2 years. They live together, which we don&rsquo;t agree with, but she&rsquo;s financially independent. For the last two years, every time she comes to visit, they stay in a hotel 25 minutes away (it&rsquo;s the closest one) because we don&rsquo;t allow them to share a room here.  There would be enough beds - he could take the spare room, and she could bunk in a queen bed with any of her sisters. Two years ago it wasn&rsquo;t a big deal, but now my girls have put together why she won&rsquo;t stay here, the youngest even said she&rsquo;ll do the same when she&rsquo;s her age which I was pretty upset by.  Two weeks ago she was supposed to come to celebrate the two September birthdays of her sisters. I asked if she could stay at our house because her sisters have been noticing she won&rsquo;t. She said no immediately.  I&rsquo;ll admit I could have phrased it better, but I said they were at an age where her setting a good example is more important than ever and she wasn&rsquo;t doing they. She got offended, we started to argue and then she told me to eff off, she&rsquo;s not coming.  She didn&rsquo;t come, which her sisters were upset by since she had said she would. She sent them a gift and gave them a call. When they asked why she didn&rsquo;t come, she specifically said it was because I was rude to her, so my girls were then mad at me.  I sent her a text telling her I didn&rsquo;t appreciate it, she texted back &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t care&rdquo; and we haven&rsquo;t spoken since.  Was ITA for making that request? I&rsquo;m kind of blown away it&rsquo;s turned into such a big thing, but sad that she&rsquo;s already said she&rsquo;s not coming for our other daughter&rsquo;s November birthday and I don&rsquo;t know how to make it right. Update from OP: I understand the ESH because I was admittedly not gracious on how I worded it to her. I just didn&rsquo;t expect she&rsquo;d hurt her sister&rsquo;s feelings by ditching their birthdays over an argument with me. And I didn&rsquo;t think she&rsquo;d tell my girls about it, which I don&rsquo;t think was appropriate. From the comments:Independent_Ad9670 says: YTA. She stays at a hotel to make her sex life totally outside the realm of your concern. Either let them sleep together at your house or shut up about where they stay. It&#39;s very generous of them to come anyway and foot a hotel bill so she can see her sisters.  What if she became an uber-Catholic and refused to let you and your husband share a bed at her house, because Catholics believe second marriages are adulterous? Say-What-KB says: You do know how to make this right. It&rsquo;s easy. &ldquo;Stepdaughter, I want to apologize. You respected the rules in our home, even when you didn&rsquo;t agree with them. I disrespected your choices because I disagreed with them. I apologize for doing that, and hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.&rdquo; blaarrggh says: I&#39;m a Christian. A pretty big one. Actually in ministry, and I have two grown children. My religion is not their religion. My beliefs are my beliefs. Do I hope they share the same beliefs, yeah? But at the end of the day, my relationship with my children is more important than making sure they follow a set of rules of a religion they don&#39;t follow.  (I do have one child who is a practicing Christian and one who is not. Guess how they get treated? EXACTLY THE SAME BECAUSE THEY&#39;RE MY KIDS AND I LOVE THEM )  If you&#39;re trying to set an example for your younger children, then you let your daughter and her boyfriend stay at your house together because that&#39;s what family does ... and you have a genuine conversation with your younger kids.  Explain that your eldest doesn&#39;t believe the way you do (and that&#39;s okay), but explain why you believe what they believe and that when they&#39;re older they&#39;ll have their own choices to make and why you choose what you choose. And be very specific that you&#39;ll love them and accept them regardless of what they choose. PutNameHere123 says NTA necessarily for making that request; YTA for thinking that she owes you playing a role model, though. A request is fine if you gracefully accept a rejection and leave it at that. She&rsquo;s a fully grown woman and doesn&rsquo;t owe you explanations or alterations regarding her behavior. 

I know maybe Reddit is the wrong place for this, but here goes.   My stepdaughter is 23. She lives in a different city than us for work. My husband and I have 3 other daughters - 12, 10 and 8. They absolutely worship and adore their older...