C'AITA for not taking my cousin's stepkids out with me when I take her daughter out?'

"AITA for not taking my cousin's stepkids out with me when I take her daughter out?"

My cousin J. got pregnant when she was 19. She was out of high school and lived with our grandparents. It was not a good time for her. Her half-brother and I were both in grade twelve and we had jobs. We decided to help her out. Of our own free will. No one asked us to or asked is for money. We just love her and knew she needed support. She had a girl named Calli.

We helped buy diapers and formula. We babysat so J. could work and go out every once in a while. J. Met a nice guy and married him two years ago. He has two kids from a previous relationship that he gets on the weekends. Calli is 12 now and I still hang out with her. Lately, J. has been asking me to take out her stepkids when I take Calli out. I told her no.

I don't really know those kids and I don't really want to be responsible for them. I like spoiling my little cousin but that's it. She has been great practice for when I have kids. Plus I love being a bad influence on her. I just took her skeet shooting and we are going to an ax-throwing place where you can also use kn!ves or throwing stars.

J. says that I'm creating a schism between her kids because Calli comes back from hanging out with me and the other kids get jealous. She says I should take all the kids or stop doing stuff with Calli. Calli heard her and she may have picked up some language from me because she was very vocal about her displeasure. My mom thinks I should take the kids.

I said I would if she would come keep an eye on them around the axes, knives and throwing stars. She said we could take the kids to a bouncy play area. I said she could take the kids there while Calli and I did our thing and we could catch up after. She said I was missing the point. I don't think I need to include those kids.

The internet wasted no time before weighing in.

coolgirlstacy wrote:

NTA, you have a special bond with Calli, not with her step kids. Kids need to learn to manage disappointment and this is a great opportunity for them to get some practice in. Not everything in life is fair and equal, and that can be painful to accept, but it is also a reality that we must accept in life.

HoshiJones wrote:

NTA. If it's causing problems then really, J and her husband should be handling those problems so that Calli doesn't suffer by losing her close relationship with you.

No-Function223 wrote:

NTA. I hate when people act like blending a family means that they can never do anything alone anymore. Imo Calli is allowed to get away from her step-siblings if she wants to & it’s honestly probably a very healthy outlet for her given her mom’s attitude towards it. Plus its really unreasonable for her to expect you to do it alone.

But this here is imo the important tidbit. She wants time to herself which is why she’s harping on this, I would bet it has nothing to with the other kids & everything to do with the fact that your time with Calli is no longer a break for her.

toosheeptheorist wrote:

NTA - the kids are your sister's step children. If you do not acknowledge them as your nieces/nephews, that is up to you - you are under no obligation to entertain them. However, be advised that your sister may start restricting your time with Calli, even if it upsets her daughter.

cpagali wrote:

NTA. Since Mr. Nice Guy only gets his kids on weekends, presumably his stepkids have relationships that Calli isn't a part of. I think it's okay for Calli to have relationships that the stepkids aren't a part of. When Calli spends time with you, then the stepkids get more undivided attention from their Dad, right? Isn't that a good thing?