Woman gives 'cruel' daughter one month to move out; says 'trauma is no excuse.'
AITA For financially cutting-off my daughter and giving her one month to be out of my house
I am a mother to 2: (21F) 'Zoe' and (17F) 'Bea.' Their biological father was a narcissist and would demean Zoe and Bea. It took years of court battles, but my husband, Tim, and I finally got full custody when Zoe was 16.
Zoe had been in therapy since my initial divorce. Zoe has always had a tendency to be demanding and cruel to others. I myself have gone to therapy and taken parenting classes to help Zoe. I’ve read books and tried every resource available. A big help was having Zoe channel those emotions into positive outlets (such as kickboxing.)
Zoe used to enjoy therapy but called it a waste of time and chose to stop going when she turned 18. Zoe now refuses to find positive outlets for her emotions. Zoe weaponizes her experiences with her biological father and feels they give her the right to mistreat others. She lives at home rent-free while Tim and I pay for her education ($56,000+ yearly), car, phone, and all other expenses.
Zoe refuses to help around the house. Asking Zoe to do any small chore (refilling our dog’s bowl) turns into Zoe screaming and swearing while I have to de-escalate. Zoe believes she is entitled to our money and curses at us because we are saving money for Bea's education as well instead of giving it all to Zoe so she can have “fun money.”
Tim and I left the house last Sunday for a doctor’s appointment. I learned Monday from Bea that Zoe had gone on a rant about how I was a selfish b**ch since I asked her to put a frozen meal in the oven because Tim was feeling tired and he would need food ready as soon as we got home. (Tim is a cancer survivor. He completed chemotherapy at the beginning of the year.
He is still weak/sick often yet has continued to work from home to help support us.) Zoe told Bea that “Tim is a fucking grown-ass man! Why can’t he make his own damn food instead of me doing everything because he’s fucking useless.”
Hearing Zoe say that about the man who supported and nurtured her and was a father to her when her biological father didn't care to was my breaking point. When Zoe came home, I explained her car is still in her name and her last year of college has been paid already.
I told her that she had a month to move out and the year's end to find her own insurance. We will pay for nothing anymore. Tim and I will no longer be treated as ATMs and burdens while providing everything for her. If she wants to act like she's an adult who knows everything, then we will treat her as one and let her support herself.
Zoe will likely be staying with her grandparents. My sister is unable to house Zoe due to her lease agreement, but she has told me I am the worst person she has ever met because you never turn your back on family and I know Zoe’s childhood with her biological father will always have changed her.
But Zoe’s trauma doesn’t give her the right to mistreat others, especially the people who have helped and supported her more than anyone. AITA?
This is what people had to say:
TheBloodyDamnReaper says:
NTA- She has done this to herself, you're more lenient than my parents ever would have been.
INFO- I'm curious of she's moving in with your parents or her bio dad's, if it's bio dad's this could just make her worse since they raised her father...
BeaAndZoesBadMom OP responds:
She is moving in with my parents. Her grandparents on her biological father's side are no longer alive.
They know exactly what they are dealing with. My parents are very strict, and they will never tolerate disrespectful behavior or entitlement from Zoe.
CaliforniaJade says:
You tried therapy, classes, you've financed her schooling, the only last ditch effort you might have made would to have been to warn her she was on her last legs here.
If the worst thing that happens is that she has to live with her grandparents, you're definitely NTA.
BeaAndZoesBadMom OP responds:
I and Tim have been warning Zoe for months that she needs to start treating us with basic respect because now that she's an adult, we have no more obligation to financially support or house her and nobody will tolerate her demanding and cruel behavior anymore.
Knightegy says:
Honestly, if I try to read through the lines. You are probably causing a lot of frustration for her. I could be wrong though. This is only to suggest reflection.
bamf1701 says
NTA. Your daughter is 21. This is plenty old enough to support herself and have her own place. You said her last year of college is already paid for, so it’s not like her future is in jeopardy.