Dad pressures mom to watch stepkids he had from affair, teen snaps, 'they're not welcome.'

Forcing the matter almost never works in general, but it spectacularly fails when it comes to sibling and step-sibling relationships. Hovering and demanding connection is by far one of the quickest ways to shut down the possibility of a natural bond between siblings.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if he was wrong for snapping on his dad and revealing he doesn't care to see his stepsiblings ever again. He wrote:

"AITA for letting my half siblings hear that I don't want them to come to my mom's house with me?"

My (16m) parents are divorced. My dad cheated on my mom which is the reason why. I was 7 at the time. My dad ended up staying with the woman he cheated with and they had three kids together in the space of three years. Then their mom decided to peace out and she left my dad with the three kids.

She hasn't seen her kids or done anything for them since but my dad does get child support for them, I think. Back when that all happened my parents shared custody. I was at my dad's one week and my mom's the next. But when I was old enough in our state (12 here) I went before a judge and asked if I could live with my mom primarily.

The judge granted it but did order that I spend every other weekend with my dad, at least. After my dad's other woman left and was no longer a part of their kids' lives, dad turned to mom expecting her to step up and be part of their lives and to make sure I wasn't better off than them. But my mom never did.

Sometimes I would hear dad saying she should have my half siblings over so they could see me more or so I could bond better with them at her house because he knew I didn't see them as just siblings and he knew I didn't exactly love them. It wasn't hard to figure out because I really didn't show any interest in them. My dad wanted to change that and he wanted mom to be part of it.

I think mom must have accused him of wanting me as a willing babysitter because dad was super offended on the phone with her once and he said babysitting was the least of his concerns. He wanted all four of his kids to be close. Once I was only staying at his house every other weekend, my dad really piled on pressure for mom to invite my half siblings over to her house.

Mom would do her best to keep it from me but almost every time I'm at dad's house he will text or call her about it and I hear him mumble about it or I hear him on the phone with her. He says the sibling relationship will "stay distant" if I hardly ever spend time with them. This whole thing is something I never really pushed back on.

Dad has been worse with mom and with me lately and I was with him over a week ago and we got into a fight over it. He was like your mom should have them over for Halloween weekend because they'd love to see you and to dress up for you to see it and then he was like tell your mom you want to have them come over and I said no. He pushed and pushed and my half siblings were close enough to hear.

That's when I said I don't want them to come over to mom's, I never wanted them to come over. I told dad I wouldn't care if I never saw them again. Dad yelled at me and then I yelled back. It was only after a few minutes we realized the kids heard because they had started to cry.

Dad told me I should be ashamed for saying what I did where they could hear. He texted me all through last week about it as well and told me he was ashamed of my behavior. AITA?

Redditors weighed in with the full force of opinion.

BadBandit1970 wrote:

NTA. I've never understood this concept. Where the cheating spouse leaves the marriage, has children with another person and then expects the former spouse to embrace their children as though they were their own. What color is the sky in their world? Your dad f#$ked around (literally) and found out.

His children with his AP are nothing to your mother. Your mother owes them not a minute of her day. Yes, they are your half siblings, but if you don't want a close relationship with them, that is your prerogative. I mean there are full siblings born and raised together who don't have close relationships. This isn't any different. Your dad doesn't get to dictate who your mother welcomes into her home either.

It's sad that his kids are growing up without a mom, but instead of trying to fob off the work on your mom, maybe he needs to be a better dad and a better person.

KronkLaSworda wrote:

NTA.

Your dad should be the one that's ashamed. He's trying every trick in the book to get your mom to baby sit his kids for him. Kids she has no relationship with.

"I won't discuss this any further." That's your mantra when he brings it up. Also, learn to grey rock. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/grey-rock-method/

Igottime23 wrote:

Take your Dad's texts to court and have a judge tell him how out-of-line his request is. The court can make it so your Dad can only communicate with you and your mother through a text app. The courts can use the texts in the app for future hearings.

Your Dad is the one who harmed your half-siblings by pushing you and your mother. He is the one who forced you to respond when he wouldn't take no as an answer. NTA.

thfemaleofthespecies wrote:

NTA.

In this context, “you should” (or your mom should) means “I want”, but it’s the manipulative way of saying it. Keep an eye out for this from people.

-chelle- wrote:

NTA. Those children are not your mother's responsibility. It's your dad that should be ashamed. You're 16 now, if it's something you want, maybe it's time to see if you still have to make those weekend trips to your dad's house.

OP is NTA, in fact - he'd be fully within his rights to cut off his dad entirely.