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Dad refuses to find daughter arranged marriage because she has biracial kid from wedlock.

Dad refuses to find daughter arranged marriage because she has biracial kid from wedlock.

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Playing matchmaker is fun in theory, but there are a lot of factors that go into it, particularly in a traditional arranged marriage setting.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a dad asked if he was wrong for not trying to set up an arranged marriage for his daughter because of her single-parent status. He wrote:

"AITA for not looking for an arranged marriage for my daughter after she had an interracial child out of wedlock?"

My daughter growing up was exceptionally bright, all GT and AP classes, went to a top Public University. While she was in school she gets into this relationship with this guy, let's call him John. Initially, she tells us John also went to the same school as her but we later discover that was a lie. And in reality, he worked random jobs. In her junior year she ends up getting pregnant by him we beg her to abort the baby.

She ends up leaving that semester and we end up helping her raise our grandson. John says he is going to Miami and disappears. My daughter moved back in with us and we raised our grandson while she finished her degree online.
This whole process we all have gotten close again and we love our grandson. About 1 year and 4 months ago she moved out to her own apartment nearby and got a job as well.

She has been dating and meeting guys on her own now and hasn’t had much luck. She now has been asking me and my wife to introduce her to guys through the Indian community with good jobs that are looking to settle down. The fact that she already has a kid and the fact that the kid is half Black and the fact she was never married either makes it so much worse.

Me asking around just brings more drama to our family and harms our social relationships. Daughter doesn’t see this way she sees it as another form of punishment from us. From what I can tell she doesn’t like the work and effort of being a single parent and thinks her only way of improving her work-life balance is finding a man to help split the effort.

We have tried to tell her softly that she should stick to Americanized dating as we don’t think she would have a lot of luck. However, she kept pressing us to help her find a guy. The reality is that having children out of wedlock is not part of Indian culture at all, and two the fact that her son is half-Black will also make it impossible to find a match. She has pressed us to try despite that.

But there are two things, 1. Not one person has expressed interest in our daughter, at weddings, prayers no one has approached us to ask us if our daughter was open to meeting their son. 2. I feel that us asking around will make our family look worse if anything and damage our relationships with people in the community.

My wife and I have had tense discussions with our daughter, and she views us as bad guys.

The internet had a lot to say.

arethusas wrote:

NTA. As an Indian, I get where you’re coming from. All the asshole votes are from Western people who are judging based on Western standards or people immediately jumping in the fact that you said the kid was half black. You didn’t say anything about the guys's race before it was relevant, so I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately his race is relevant, the fact that he exists is relevant when you’re thinking about an arranged marriage, that’s what these people aren’t understanding. It doesn’t even really matter that he’s half-Black, a child out of wedlock (or even a child from a previous marriage) is an immediate dealbreaker for any family looking into an arranged marriage for their son.

I don’t know how your daughter doesn’t understand that. She closed that door when she had the child. It’s hard enough to date normally as a single parent with a child in any country. Why on earth would she assume an arranged marriage would be easier?

Yumsing2017 wrote:

You are right, a choice has been made. She decided to take the Western way. Every action has its repercussions. She has to accept responsibility for her actions. It's going to be almost impossible to find someone in the Indian community who will accept her. Sad state of affairs but it's the way it works and nothing can be done now. You can only comfort her.

ladysaraii wrote:

I have complicated feelings about this post.

I feel sorry for the kid. That’s it. Ultimately, he is the one who will suffer the most. She doesn’t need to marry any person who would look at her son as less than.

LifeAsksAITA wrote:

NTA. The daughter opted for a “normal” nontraditional to the Indian way of life , had a child out of wedlock. Now suddenly she wants a traditional arranged marriage. Unfortunately, her prospects will be low and she needs to look at divorced men with children of her own for that arrangement to work.

Else she can try to find love conventionally with regular dating. She can’t go back to traditional after kicking all that away the first time.

Proof_Option1386 wrote:

NTA - your daughter is an adult, a parent, and needs to build her own relationships. You guys are already supporting her in the ways you should be. That you are uncomfortable taking on a traditional matchmaking role given that she's made such untraditional life choices is completely reasonable.

And please don't take this statement as offering a positive or negative assessment of traditional vs. untraditional life choices.

While the commenters agree that OP is NTA here, it sounds like the true victim in all of this is OP's grandson.

Sources: Reddit
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