Dad says it's 'disrespectful' for married daughter to have s*x in his house. AITA?
Your house, your rules? Or 'good for them?' We totally understand where dad's coming from. It is uncomfortable. But how do you handle something like this? In this post, a dad asked for advice. Here's his story...
My wife and I (late 50's M&F) have 4 grown kids. One of our middle kids (26F) and her husband (20 something? M) are in the process of buying their second house. Their first one sold quickly and the new owners offered extra for a quick possession. They don't get possession of they new place until January 1st, they had to leave their place November 1st.
They had planned on getting an Air BnB, but my wife and I have an apartment over our garage and offered them that space.
Things had been going really well, they both work so they went about life. My wife loves to cook for more than one person, so they've been eating dinner with us most nights. That part has been wonderful, its been so nice having my daughter around in the evenings.
The other night after they had gone back to the apartment I went to get something from the garage. The apartment can be accessed from the outside, and the inside, there is a staircase inside the garage, and only an interior door separating the garage from the apartment.
I could hear them, very obviously having sex. I felt it was a bit disrespectful to be having sex when they are staying with her parents. I thought I had raised her better than that.
I told my wife, and she laughed, she said and I quote 'good for them'. I couldn't let it go, so the next night at dinner I brought up how disrespectful we find it for them to be having sex in our home.
My wife did not back me up, she made sure to tell them it wasn't 'we' but only me who felt that way. My daughter and her husband excused themselves from the meal. I expected an apology, but instead they moved out the next day.
My wife says they are a married couple, and aren't even in our house, that I was an AH. But in my mind they are staying in an apartment on our property they could at least abstain until they don't live with us. I would never dream of disrespecting my parents having sex in their house. AITA?
Here's what people had to say in the comments:
LovelyRita999 writes:
Info: how is that disrespectful
Disastrous-Dog7267 OP responds:
you don't think having sex in your parents home is disrespectful?
hdkb824 writes:
YTA. They are married, aren’t in your house, you didn’t lay this expectation of respect out before they moved in… the list can go on. They don’t owe you an apology. It seems like your wife gets it, but you come across as a huge prude.
Disastrous-Dog7267 OP responded:
They may not be directly in the house, but still in our garage apartment. We almost had them move into the basement suite. Would you agree about it being inappropriate if they moved in there?
hdkb824 writes:
Depends… your wife and you seem to have a difference of opinion on this issue and whether it’s disrespectful. I still think if you don’t lay this expectation down prior to them moving in, it’s foolish to expect an apology for something that’s normal for married couples to do. They were going to be living there for 2 months, it seems like a lot to ask of a couple with a healthy sex life.
Also, sounds like they were ready to have other living arrangements and you guys offered to have them stay with you. Then threw in this abstain from sex thing after the fact. Were they supposed to read your mind?
Disastrous-Dog7267 OP responded:
I shouldn't have had to lay the expectation down. You don't have sex when you're staying with other people. How is this not common knowledge or common decency?
WaterWitch009 writes:
Can't help wondering how he would feel if it was his son.
Eviltechnomonkey writes:
OP seems so incredibly toxic. They obviously didn't abstain from sex after their first kid. So they had no issue with having sex where their kids could hear it, but heaven forbid they inadvertently hear them when they are married and temporarily living in an apartment that is separate from the main house even if it is above the garage.
hdkb824 writes:
YTA. They are married, aren’t in your house, you didn’t lay this expectation of respect out before they moved in… the list can go on. They don’t owe you an apology. It seems like your wife gets it, but you come across as a huge prude.