'AITA for telling my wife that she isn’t a princess? She's an adult.'
When someone annoys someone else to the point that they snap, who's really at fault? The annoying one (for being annoying), or the snappy one (for being easily annoyed)?
Well, here's a fun dilemma for you: a dad was so 'off-put' by his wife's role-play with their young daughter, he came to Reddit for support. Instead, he got something else.
"AITA (Am I the A-hole) for telling my wife that she isn’t a princess?"
u/Efficient_Expert_686 writes:
For the past several months, she has been eerily acting like a child. I understand that she’s playing with our daughter, but it comes across as weird to me to the degree that she plays the role.
Our daughter wanted a mini pizza and so she asked me to make her one. I was, and then my wife said 'me too, because I’m a princess too'. I told her no, you’re an adult, not a princess. I’ll make you one, but you’re an adult.
She laughed nervously and said ok, never mind. Our daughter heard and said “dad, mom is a princess too.” I just said hmm hmm, agreeing; but I didn’t want to have to explain to her. I did feel bad because my wife changed out of her princess clothes too, but I don’t know whether this whole ordeal makes me an a-hole.
While this post may be short and not-so-sweet, the response from the internet was robust. And also not-so-sweet.
Reddit ruled a huge YTA (you're the a-hole) and had zero qualms about telling OP exactly why.
nailgun198 says:
The only correct 'no' response to 'I'm a princess too' was 'No you're not, you're a queen.' YTA.
Quellecrist writes:
YTA Way to spoil your wife's fun with your daughter. How insecure and controlling are you? And I really love how you ended this pathetic little tale with how 'you don't know if this makes you an a-hole'. I bet you do lots of a-hole stuff and claim ignorance afterwards.
Arkonsel explains:
YTA, they're just having fun playing together. Why don't you call yourself a prince and join in? I bet your daughter would love that! Also, princesses can be adults. They don't automatically become queens when they get older. If you look at a list of current princesses in the UK, there's one that's 86 years old.
Knight5923 points out:
'She laughed nervously and said ok, never mind.' This part was pretty devastating too. Really gives the impression that this was not the first time OP has shut her down so hard over something fun and fanciful.
crabbin_it_UP agrees:
It's absolutely heartbreaking... and their poor daughter watched the happiness drain from her princess momma's eyes.
BecauseISaidSoKiddo has a theory:
Pretty sure OP views pretend play as 'beneath' him. Pity, because it's some of the most enjoyable and memorable time you can spend with your kids. But what do I know? I'm just a Velociraptor...
bassinlimbo shares:
As adults, we get way too caught up in stress and overwhelming emotions that most of us wish we could pretend to be a princess too. Your daughter is having fun, your wife is having fun, why ruin it? You sound like a middle school boy... 'that's for babies'.
YTA op, your kid isn't gonna be young forever. Be silly while you can still always make her laugh. Do you want her to grow up to marry some dude who steals joy? Let your wife have fun.
OP elaborates on his position:
The act sometimes continues outside of their playtime. With me. It’s off putting. It’s the voice (and sometimes outside of playing) the outfits, and her acting.
So EpiphanaeaSedai asks:
So your wife plays at being a princess with your daughter - and when you’re alone she sometimes wants to continue the roleplay for some more adult purposes, am I understanding that correctly? And you’re not into it because you see it as child-like and thus creepy in that context.
Dude, the time to address this is privately with your wife, not when she’s engaged in innocent play with your daughter. Obviously you’re not required to participate in anything you don’t want to do, but I would suggest talking to your wife about what she gets out of this fantasy - the adult version, I mean.
And OP finally feels heard:
Precisely. It’s also not like I haven’t said anything in the past either. I have told her to stop. It’s the overlap that bothers me so much.
So, what's your ruling?
Is OP right in being annoyed, or is he the stick in the mud that Reddit seems to think?