Dad takes away stepdaughter's bed after she spray paints slurs on daughter's bed.
Mixing a family requires a lot of work, both from the newly married parents and the newly related step-siblings.
All it takes is one family member who decides they don't want to do the work, and the tension of a new family structure fully blows up.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a dad asked if he was wrong for removing his stepdaughter's bed and giving it to his daughter.
He wrote:
AITA for removing my stepdaughter's bed and giving it to my daughter and making my stepdaughter buy a new bed?
I have a daughter from a previous marriage (15 Jenny) and a stepdaughter when I got married to my wife. We both have primary custody of our kids. My daughter took the transition decently while my stepdaughter (Emile 15) did not. So family therapy, mostly with her mom and her, but I and Jenny will come in for some sessions when wanted.
Overall I thought it was going okay. Jenny got a job the moment summer started, she use to have a twin bed but when Emilie moved in with her queen size bed, that’s all she wanted. So she basically saved all her money and bought herself a queen bed frame and new mattress. She loved it. The two kids got in an argument, it started out over bread but got more heated.
My daughter made a comment about Emilie’s dad not giving a s#$t, it was unacceptable. She got her phone taken away for a week, had a lecture, banned from her club for the week, and of course, apologized. We talked about getting her to do therapy also but that got interrupted. For context Jenny is mixed, and Emile spray painted slurs on her new bed frame and mattress.
So my wife and I made the decision that Emilie’s bed would go to Jenny until she buys Jenny what she ruined it’s going to be expensive but she has a job. Also lost internet privileges for a month. Her options are sleep on the floor or the couch. I got a call from her father and he went off, I told my mom what happens and she also thinks I am an @$$hole for this punishment
So update: after a long talk with Emilie, she handed over the money for the new bed she had enough in her savings from her job and Christmas money. My wife handled the racism talk and had a long conversation about her ex-husband with her daughter about him basically abandoning her. Individual therapy for both.
Also for people saying a dig at her father is just as bad as destroying property with spray paint and slurs is just wrong. One was words and the other was a physical destroying property. They don’t match at all.
People had a lot of strong opinions in response.
Alarming_Reply_6286 wrote:
Why would Emile’s Dad call you instead of speaking to his ex-wife? Taking away a bed doesn’t solve your problem. These two young ladies have some serious issues. It appears without intervention from a professional their behavior will only escalate. You may want to admit to yourselves that you are both in way over your head. Get these girls some professional help...ASAP! NTA.
Same-Potential-6711 wrote:
NTA. Jenny started this fight but Emilie escalated it to hate crime adjacent bs. That’s not acceptable. Jenny had her punishment, now Emilie gets hers.
catskilkid wrote:
NTA. That's what you call asymmetric warfare. It went from a sister fight to a racist destruction of property. That requires a consequence and therapy because that did not come out of nowhere. In regards to the 'punishment,' what does her dad and your mom think is appropriate? That you and your wife buy a new mattress set?
There is only one person who needs to face this consequence and that's Emile. It's not like she is some little kid who does not know better, she's 15!!! Maybe the other option is to take the defaced mattress, paint over it and place a plastic sheet on it and let her sleep on that.
Kitsumekat wrote:
I'm going to say ESH except for the girls. I'm mixed as well and can put in my two cents. But, removing her bed and forcing her to sleep on the couch or the floor because the adults in this story dropped the ball isn't going to make Emile less racist. If anything, it's going to make things worse. Were the girls even introduced and allowed to know each other?
When Emilie did this, why didn't you send her to her father's house instead? Hell, when you did therapy sessions, why focus on separate sessions and not a mix of both? It sounds like y'all was trying to mix families after the marriage instead of before the marriage.
Inner-Nothing7779 wrote:
ESH. Yes, the slurs are wrong. Absolutely wrong and Emile should absolutely face the consequences of her actions. She is without a doubt the @$$hole here. However, you cannot force her to sleep on the floor. She needs a bed. Both you and your wife are @$$holes for forcing her to sleep on the floor.
That is not right. She should have to pay for a replacement bed, yes. But the proper answer would have been to swap beds. Let her see the hate that she pushed onto your daughter every day.
People are divided, but it seems clear that Emilie is TA and also that the parents need to figure out a more fitting punishment and solution for the issue.