Dad tells adult daughter to 'f off' after she honestly tells him why she's pulled away.
There's nothing quite like an immature and entitled parent who simultaneously expects their kid to look up to them and coddle them.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her dad the full truth about why she pulled away from him. She wrote:
"AITA for telling my dad that he shouldn't have asked me a question if he wasn't prepared for the honest answer?"
I (25f) am not that close to my dad anymore. I was until I was about 13. But that changed. He either only realized it now or only started to care now that I'm living a more independent life and he's not as involved as he wants to be. I was 8 when I lost my mom and we were as close as ever but I needed him more. Then when I was 11 he remarried and he became a stepdad to a girl who was 10 at the time.
Now, this is where full honesty comes in. I was jealous as hell that my dad was trying to bond with her and that he called her his daughter and us "his girls" right away. It made me feel less special. It made me feel like I didn't matter as much because how could someone so new to him be equal to me after hardly any time. Every time he spent time with her I felt sick.
He still spent time with me but after about six or seven months of marriage, he started to spend more time with his stepdaughter. I hated it. I was both devastated and furious that she was getting my dad. I was 13 my dad said how much he preferred hanging out with her over me because they had similar interests.
He said he couldn't spend enough time with his stepdaughter and he was hoping I would hit the teen phase of not wanting my parents around me that much. He didn't say it to me but I heard him say it. His best friend was one of the people he did say it to and he was like dude, don't say that out loud and my dad said most parents probably feel that way. He said it wasn't like he would ever tell me that to my face.
Then he admitted he also resented me for not wanting his wife the way her daughter wanted him. He wanted us to be the perfect little family and we looked like a stepfamily where the step is always used because I didn't really want his wife for stuff. I gave him his wish and over the years he increased the amount of time he spent with his stepdaughter. They could do stuff together up to four times a week.
That was until she was 16 and wanted space. He was devastated by that and that crushed me. So I decided that was all I needed to know and didn't try to get closer to him. He approached me with the question of why after I moved in with my boyfriend and his dad helped us move stuff. My dad said he expected to be called and then he asked me why I had pulled away from him.
So I told him everything from the jealousy to what I heard him say and I told him I decided that I wasn't going to keep close like I had when he felt that way. Dad was offended that I had ever been jealous. He told me it was disgusting to want to deny his stepdaughter the chance at a dad. He also told me he should be allowed to have interests in common with someone other than me. I told him he was.
But I was also a kid who lost my mom and clung to my sole living parent. He then accused me of manipulating him by saying all that and I told him that he shouldn't have asked a question if he wasn't prepared for an honest answer. He told me I could f#$k right off with that attitude and told me to grow up. AITA?
The internet had strong opinions about OP's dad.
Broad-Discipline2360 wrote:
NTA. I think you should go ahead and do what he told you to do. If ANYONE I don't care what their title is, told me to f*ck off with that attitude, I would. If I had a parent treat me like that, I would go NC.
He didn't really notice that you have pulled away for more than 10 years. When he finally did notice, instead of apologizing for the pain a CHILD had, he doubles down and insults you. Your dad can pound sand. I would consider myself an orphan. I would even take it so far as to move so he couldn't find me again. So sorry your dad is such an a$$.
throttledog wrote:
Your dad sounds like a needy narcissist. One of the worst kind. There wasn't anything unusual about him and the step daughter or was she just a daddy's girl? Either way, he f'd things up with you and until he sees the error of his ways you should just avoid him. You're NTA but your dad might be the biggest AH I've read about in awhile here.
Lcdmt3 wrote:
NTA - The best parent takes interest in what their kids are interested in, and stay involved, even if they don't like what it is.
He failed. He asked, you answered.
GYM_RATZ wrote:
NTA. He doesn't want to take blame. Even if he didn't agree with everything you said, he should have at least apologized for making you feel that way, even if it was unintentional. And I agree ; sometimes there is no way to sugar coat an answer. He asked, you delivered.
wlfwrtr wrote:
NTA. Don't block him. Wait for him to try to contact you again and text back, "I'm sorry this person is unreachable. She has f#$ked off as told to by her loving father." Send then block so he can't reply.
ChaosLeopard wrote:
NTA. Your dad might be a decent stepdad but he was and is a s#$ty dad and doesn't deserve your time and energy now that he's feeling lonely. Hope you have people in your life now who give you the attention and love you've been deprived of.
Clearly, OP is NTA, but her dad is a raging one.