Dad scolds his daughter for not landing dream job. 'Be more like your friend.'

It's not easy watching a friend land your own dream job. It's even more frustrating if she got said job because she's related to the owner. On Reddit, one man asked if he went about comforting his daughter the wrong way after just such a situation.

AITA for telling my daughter she could learn something from my friend's daughter, who got a job she didn't?

I'm 49M and my daughter is 22F. I've changed the names in the post.

My best friend, Tom, has a daughter Kate who is an architecture major. She got accepted to a college in California and graduated with good results. My daughter Anne also went into architecture and she's doing well. Anne is generally a quieter person and she does tend to laze around a bit.

Both Anne and Kate applied for a job at the same firm, which is co-owned by Tom's brother. She didn't end up getting the job, but Kate did and she was very upset. She's moved on and got offers from a couple of other places.

We had a 'friends' Christmas a couple of days after actual Christmas, where some of my college buddies and their families got together. The conversation turned to Tom and his wife and they were talking about Kate's new job. I saw Anne and Kate talking and we congratulated her.

We all came back home (Anne left her car at our place and went back to her apartment after). She started saying she has to work so hard to get what Kate gets 'handed to her.' I said this is a competitive field and Anne should be more diligent.

She blew up at me and my wife, that we're 'egging Kate and Tom on' — apparently Kate told Anne she could help her out.

I eventually told Anne she needs to stop sulking over Kate. Yes, maybe Kate had an edge at the firm, but from what I've heard from Tom she always works on herself and getting better. And Anne could learn something.

Well Anne got pretty angry after that. Both me and my wife called her but she didn't answer.

I don't think what I said was wrong, but my younger daughter thinks otherwise and said I should post on here.

The crowd didn't much appreciate dad's take:

realstareyes writes:

YTA.

Of course this is an unfair competition when she‘s related to one of the co-owners! You‘re being truly awful to your daughter.

consectariana writes:

YTA.

You have a successful child who is upset about blatant nepotism and you decided to use this opportunity as a reason to criticize her for being lazy and not diligent enough.

Outside-Ad-1677 writes:

YTA Jesus just disown your daughter and adopt Kate already. You treated your daughter terribly. Parents are supposed to be cheerleaders, not the harshest critic. Kate has a blatant advantage courtesy of nepotism but sure your daughters to one who didn’t try hard enough and “lazed about”.

Hairy_Dirt3361 writes:

YTA, it's a firm owned by her uncle — of course she got the job. The only lesson here is 'it doesn't matter how good you are at your job, success is achieved through family connections.' Which while often true is a terrible lesson.

Of course Tom thinks everything was impartial, he's her dad, but of course it wasn't. His niece just happened to be the best candidate for the firm? Come on.

I'm sure there are things Anne could improve but there's no lesson here except that life is unfair and a niece matters more than a best friend's daughter.

And if Kate is so great how come she had to take a job at the family company? That's often a sign you couldn't make it on your own. You've completely misinterpreted the situation and insulted your daughter for no reason.

MamaTumaini writes:

YTA. LOL, you really think Kate got the job on merit. That’s precious. She was always going to get the job at the firm owned by her uncle. Don’t be so naive. The job was handed to her.

It sounds like your daughter is doing well. She did well in school and got several job offers. What is she supposed to work on? Getting a family member to own a an architecture firm so they can give her a job?

Nothing like a little family business.